How DO you know when you're ready for kids???

[Maramixi]

My husband and I have been married for almost 4.5 years and this question has recently been on my mind nonstop. I mean, I know there's no one right answer but still. We both want to have them; I told him recently that I thought 3 was a good number and he seemed to agree, but it's the whole when thing. How DO you know???

 

[freedmfighter]

To tell you the truth....I was never ready to have kids but ended up having triplets in the long run. It depends on the person....some women are ready to have kids in their early twenties others later on. I certainley didn;t have a biological clock....but my husband sure did. When he hit his fourties...he hit the PANIC BUTTON.
If you feel you are ready to have kids....go for it.
All I can say...it's a whole new adjustment for most people.
It certainley was for me.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

If u can afford them and want them,I say go for it.

 

[Maramixi]

Problem is I don't know what "can afford them" looks like.

I feel like trying to figure that part out is a lot like trying to figure out how much money we (my husband and I) needed to get married and move out from our parents was. Sure we could estimate and crank numbers, but ultimately no matter how hard we tried, we still didn't get a very clear picture until we were there.

From what I've been reading, it sounds like people spend anywhere from 150$ to 1000$ a month on them?

And that cloth diapers, breast feeding, and free family provided child care save a ton. Those are things I plan on doing and/or have been told I'll be given.

 

[Niffer]

I think if you're both ready for children and want them, then go for it.
However, I would recommend that you don't "try" as in scheduling.
Just stop preventing and let God decide when the best time for babies to show up is.

It could easily take a year for you to get pregnant, or it could be on the first month.
Just continue your sex-life as normal and whatever happens, happens!

It takes the stress off, and you put it in God's hands.

Peace,
- Niffer

 

[PegasusOnFire]

For us it was God telling us we were ready by making bc fail.

 

[dodgingflames]

You're ready when you are financially stable and want them. I'd say, now is a good time if you both agree on how many and you are supporting yourselves with a little left over. Trust me babies do not have to be as expensive as they make it out to be I have an 11-month-old, we cloth diaper, my husband works nights so he has her while I work day shifts, and she much prefers to play with the dirty laundry and cell phones than her own toys anyway if you wanted to avoid that expense LOL. All in all we spend around $150 a month on her formula(which will fade out soon) and baby food and snacks and other necessities. It will be less ina few months when all she eats is regular food So go for it! You will never be truly ready anyway. Parenting is a learning journey, not one where you go in with a map and compass and know exactly what to do and when to do it!

 

[gracefulone1980]

Same here! We never considered money either. We knew things would work out.

For us it was God telling us we were ready by making bc fail.

 

[Everlasting33]

Here is something to consider:

Over the years researchers have developed numerous models to explain why first born and only children tend to achieve higher levels of education and achievement. Although several contributing factors exist, "parental resources" is one of the most convincing. The Resource Dilution Model proposed by Blake (1981) and expanded by Downey (2001) suggests that:

• Parental resources are finite. Parents don’t have unlimited amounts of money, personal attention and cultural objects such as books to give their children. They can decide how to use their resources, but they can’t necessarily produce more resources.

• Additional siblings reduce the share of parental resources received by any one child. Only children receive 100% of their parent’s resources. For example, parents with more than one child might only be able to send their first born (or only child) to college.

• Parental resources have an important effect on children's educational success. The intellectual richness of the environment influences cognitive development. Opportunity to achieve higher education is a variable in achievement levels.

Read more at Suite101: Only Child Same As Peers, Only Smarter: Only Children More Likely To Achieve and Go Further in Education | Suite101.com http://laura-owens.suite101.com/only-child-same-as-peers-only-smarter-a63367#ixzz1dkeMQKKZ​

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Erm, I dunno. I was NOT ready to have children until about 1/3 of the way through my wife's pregnancy, if that. We didn't have any financial issues (mediocre income but smart financial decisions and no real struggles), but was I ready? Heh, no, I didn't think so. I had never held a newborn, held a baby's attention for 2 seconds, baby talked to a kid, or changed a diaper, or fed a kid. But 10 1/2 months in, turns out I was more ready than I initially thought I was, and whenever it comes time for the second one, I'll be far more ready than I was the first time.

 

[cutie76]

I agree with Crazy Cat...if you can afford them and you want them - you're ready, baby!

 

[blackribbon]

I say when you are ready to wear a fruit loop necklace given to you for mother's day...and wear it with pride.

The real answer is when you are willing to give up your level of comfort in life in order to give your child the best (not necessarily things that can be bought with money). And your child's heart is more important than your favorite shirt.

 

[shezshy]

Every one is so different and in my family there were pregnancy's at odd times. I guess I was ready to be a mom from the moment I was ready to be less centered on me and that time came with moving out,marrying and becoming a wife.