How do you know he's the one?

[GripOfGrace]

I know this is a question that had been asked so many times,and I know that everytime I asked it, the answer was always "you just know..." Well, this answer does not satisfy me, it is just not enough for me to understand.
So, if some of you, maybe married people, or engaged can tell me the answer for that, I will appreciate it very much!

Thanks

 

[GripOfGrace]

also a story or an example from real life could do...

 

[horuhe00]

You don't.

You only feel and belive that person is the one. But how many people have felt their partner is "the one" and in a month or year, they aren't together anymore?

 

[GripOfGrace]

Ye, well this is exactly what I mean-

If you only "feel" it, than it is not enough. And just like you said "horuhe00", if you go only by feeling, you can defenatly be wrong...

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I never had to wonder if this was the right thing to do. I wasn't scared of getting married to her or at the wedding. I never got cold feet. I can see myself growing old with her. I don't have to "endure" the relationship because I love her. I love every minute with her. I don't have to "put up" with her. It's not a fight to make it work. The effort and energy I invest in the relationship is paid back tenfold.
It's amazing.
I hated marriage before we started dating.

 

[findinghope06]

i dont like answer "you just know" either b/c i dont believe it. i thought i "knew" a couple of times but God definitly showed me i was wrong. its completely up to God and you can limit Him. you have to trust your heart and hear the prayers God answers for you. and that may mean listening to the No's as well. its tough but you have rely completely on the Lord for guidance.

 

[Cordy]

I think a lot of people think they “know” because they would like it to be the one. But I remember when I was dating, sincerely going before God and asking if a person was a the one, and I knew it wasn’t supposed to be. If you are sincere about it, I think God makes His guidance clear -- He did for me.

I did just know. I wasn’t “in love” with him at that time. We weren’t even dating. I hadn’t even thought of being attracted to him romantically, either. But one day I just knew that I was going to marry this friend of mine. It happened to my mother that way, too. It might not be that way with some people, but it certainly was for me.

 

[Inperfected]

Um, honestly**for me** it was his character, that i wanted this forever, we were at that place in life, and all the rest combined.. Your reason? I have no idea.

Character, and emotion towards him and two good ideas to check out. As well as talking to older christians you both know about it. HOw do your friends feel about it as well... And final one, make sure there is emotion, or it will not workl.

 

[Oblivious]

I think it's different for everyone. For me, I just knew, I was confident in our relationship, it was just all really natural for lack of a better word.

Hopefully you'll find the answers within yourself.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

pray about it and God will let you know. i thought i knew 2 months after we were dating but i wanted to be sure. i asked god to send me a sign so he did. i was still doubtful so i asked him to send me another sign and he did. i was still doubtful and then my boyfriend told me that after praying about it he knew that i was the one God wanted him to be with. so that's how i know. just pray about it. ask God to show you. if he's not the one for you and you're praying about it and seeking God's advice He will let you know if ur making a mistake.

 

[Inperfected]

Somethign i personally think is that *you* are marrying this person, you are living with them, you are dealing with there faults daily, so you should make the decision... no people giving signs or other stuff, and whilst god has a big part to play in it, he wno't alwasy/often give wowing signs... the "sign" might be a older couple saying, when are you getting married, or a peace about it, it lining up with his will in the bible etc...

This isn't saying there are no signs... My dads back was healed by way of a sign my parents were meant to be together (long story, but wn'ot go into that)... so yes, the "signs" are real... but when we start relying on them for everything, we start to get into a dodgy, sometimes spiritually dodgy place.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

true. we can't rely on signs for everything. in fact, god usually doesn't give us "signs." that's just how it happened for me. for my boyfriend, god told him after three days of praying. for me, God told me in signs. but God will tell you if you keep asking. it may be a voice you hear from god, it may be that he reveals some things to you about your relationship, or it may even be signs. just remember that we can't make the decision on our own bc we don't know what the right decision is. pray about it and seek god's advice and he'll tell you what he wants you to do.

 

[Inperfected]

Hmm... I'm going to sound like i want to start a debate..
I don't, but bear with me

Marrying is NOT something we should overly spiritualise. Yes it needs to be in god's will yadayada, but as i said before "YOU have to live with him or her".

I think christians today just want to be so sure that they are doing the right thing, that they forget the faith aspect. Sometimes we have to do things that we haven't been told by god about, but rather do them as we know it is right. God gave us a conscience, a mind and a will for a reason, and it isn't so we can rely on him for answers to everything. Relying for the final peace and certainty, fine, relying on vocal signs, signs, revelations, and the rest, not so fine.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I don't agree with all this 'the one' stuff - fact is, there are hundreds of thousands of people who could probably be a really good spouse for you - the point is learning what your faults and good points are, what you're like in a relationship with someone, and how they are in relationship, and what are the good and bad things in their character, and whether you as an individual can live with those faults for the rest of your life.

So many overspiritualise this stuff into this feel-good 'one' stuff - God also gave us a BRAIN, and it makes good sense to actually use this! Some stuff, I feel, we should be more trusting of that logical mind of ours that is God-given and sense out how your character works with his, what you're searching for out of a relationship, and whether or not the person you are with gives you the kind of relationship you want.

(It also makes pretty darn good sense to work out what are GOOD things to want out of a relationship - ie having someone as the centre of your world and 'prince charming' is NOT it - and the Boundary books, as well as 'Safe People' are good places to start).

Sasch

 

[undecided]

hey i don't think you "know" entirely
you just believe that this is the one for you and you hope you make the right decision

so don't worry about "knowing" don't think...oh this can't be the right one because i don't "know"

i think you know whether you would consider marrying them or not, but you don't know that they are the one for thats it and its just going to be forever- fairytale.

good luck

p.s. i broke out of a 4 yr relationship where i was engaged. i thought it was right, but then at crunch i knew it wasn't.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

actually, yea it sounds like ur starting a debate because you are arguing about this when it is quite simple

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And do not lean to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight."

" I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you. "

"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground. "

you should ask god what to do about anything (job, spouse, school). he has a plan for our lives and he wants us to follow it. if you seek him he will tell you. it may not be right when you want an answer but he will tell you. for me it was God sending a series confirmations, for our church youth pastor it was God speaking to him directly, for my boyfriend it was God speaking to him directly, for my friend it was God sending confirmation, for another friend it was God sending him someone to tell him (someone he didn't know), for another friend it was a series of complications that kept them from marrying right away. but they trusted God and prayed and when the time was right they married. God does speak to us if we seek his guidance. he will never leave us to make our own decisions. if we all made our own decisions based soley on what we feel is right we would make a bunch of stupid mistakes when we could so easily ask God. sometimes we will "feel" like something is right and think it is God's will when actually it is just our own minds trying to justify things. God's plan may not be what you want but we need to be listening to make sure we're doing his will.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them. "

 

[Hope_0004]

I agree with this "the One" stuff being a little crazy... maybe some people do in fact feel this way, but I agree with Blue and Sash and others that there are probably lots of people with whom one could have a successful relationship. I had a boyfriend when I was younger that would have been a wonderful husband, and I would have been a good wife to him... but we were going to be apart for a long time for school, and I was too young anyway... now he's married to someone else and they seem happy, but I know we could have had a successful marriage had we tried.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Regarding "the one" :

God never promises it... but it is certainly possible for Him to give it as a gift.

My husband and I knew we were meant to be together, from the day we met. I'm not kidding. There is a long story behind that, and an even longer story behind the circumstances in which we met and what led up to it.... but trust me on this one... we could never imagine anyone more perfect for us than each other.

I am not saying that God has a specific person in mind for everyone. In fact, He usually probably does not! Just don't completely discount it as impossible for everyone.

And, NEVER assume someone is "the one" until it has already happened. I'd made that mistake before my husband, several times. With Mark, I was sure he was it... but I didn't act like it was 100% certain until almost two months later when we WERE completely sure and everything had sorted out in order.

These things about what is meant to be, you often know only in hindsight. Use wisdom and prayer in the present and you will be okay.


kayli

 

[Carri20]

I know this is a question that had been asked so many times,and I know that everytime I asked it, the answer was always "you just know..." Well, this answer does not satisfy me, it is just not enough for me to understand.
So, if some of you, maybe married people, or engaged can tell me the answer for that, I will appreciate it very much!

Thanks

Hmm.. Here's another answer you probably don't want to hear, but it works -- pray. I've prayed over every man I've ever been "in love" with. I told God that my feelings were His to mold. As a result God took my romantic feelings for each guy away, until I met the man who is now my fiance. I agree with the people who say "you just know", because that's the clearest and simplest way to describe it. When you're in a relationship with someone you can spend the rest of your life with, things just sort of flow along. You don't wonder. You don't struggle. You don't doubt the other person, because you know you're on the same page. And once you're married, then you BECOME "the one" for each other, because God has bound you together and He will stand by you and see you through every obstacle you face together...as long as you keep Him first in your life.

 

[Carri20]

You know what? I just read the rest of this thread and it angers me. It really does. And I think I just had a revelation -- It's this foolish belief that there is no "the one" and that "there are a whole bunch of people you could be happily married to" that is responsible for the skyrocketing divorce/remarriage rates among Christians. Yeah, I said FOOLISH. Call it "overspiritualizing", call it whatever you want, but in MY life, I would NEVER marry a person unless I was CERTAIN that GOD had given His personal stamp of approval. And in my opinion, any other approach to marriage is foolishness.