How do you feel....?

[desi]

The Bible seems to suggest both spouses should work to support their family. I personally think a couple should agree basically how things will work in this area before they marry and be flexible enough to do what needs to be done for the betterment of the family. When my wife and I married I was the sole provider as I had enlisted in the Marines. After my four year contract my wife worked more while I attended college full time. Now that I have the ability to support our family comfortably on one income. My wife is working less, she does in home daycare which she enjoys as it allows her to stay home with our children too.

Sometimes I come across as a harsh Bible thumper which I am as I try to hold myself to its teachings, but marriage is an area where husband and wife are free to work with each other to make things work for them and their complimentary styles. Of course when things aren't working well it might be time to take out the good book.

 

[desi]

The Bible seems to suggest both spouses should work to support their family. I personally think a couple should agree basically how things will work in this area before they marry and be flexible enough to do what needs to be done for the betterment of the family. When my wife and I married I was the sole provider as I had enlisted in the Marines. After my four year contract my wife worked more while I attended college full time. Now that I have the ability to support our family comfortably on one income. My wife is working less, she does in home daycare which she enjoys as it allows her to stay home with our children too.

Sometimes I come across as a harsh Bible thumper which I am as I try to hold myself to its teachings, but marriage is an area where husband and wife are free to work with each other to make things work for them and their complimentary styles. Of course when things aren't working well it might be time to take out the good book.

 

[alaskamolly]

The main thing is to have the children well taken care of.

Daycare doesn't cut it (according to all the major studies), unless it's an absolute necessity...

But not to mention, Psalms 127 and 128, Proverbs, (and so many more), speaking of children being something we ought to WANT (want to have, and also want to be around once we have them!), and something that we TRAIN... which can't be done when both mom and dad are gone.

Before the Industrial Revolution, DAD AND MOM were BOTH home... Children went to work WITH their parents...the Family Business was the norm... This thing of dad leaving all day to go work in the factory, where the children can't go, is pretty new to humankind!

Basically, I think families need to do what they gotta do, WITHOUT making the children suffer (or, another way to put that would be, do whatcha gotta do BUT MAKE SURE that the children get the best hours of your lives, not your job getting your best hours)... What's worth more...?

A great way to look at it is to consider what are you going to think about on your death bed...?

"Gee, I'm so glad I gave 23 years to my corporation, and even though they laid me off right before retirement, I don't mind because I am just so happy I slaved for them all those years." Or...

"You know what--so we drove a used car and had a small home--I love my children, and I have SO many good memories of times spent with them, and I am SO thankful and proud to see how they are doing today (and what good parents THEY are to THEIR children and grandchildren)...This has truly been a blessed life."


I am actually a home business consultant (from home), and my husband's occupation lets him work from home half the week, and that's the main reason why--we want to be WITH our children, not watch someone else raise them, or be so preoccupied with our demanding career that we don't ever really pay any attention to them...


My Two Pennies Worth of an Opinion,
Mol

 

[Leanna]

I have a question I am wanting ladies' responses to.

Ladies, how important is it to you that your fiance or potential fiance be able to support you financially?

I feel that, if I am to marry a man; that if I am willing to be faithful to him and be his wife, that he is bound to support me and I believe scripture backs that up. It says that a man who won't support his family is worse than an infidel.

I ask this because, I have a boyfriend/fiance and he wants me to work after we get married (IF we do...I am having doubts.)
I have a profession, so it's not like I would be working in a dump. But, my profession is VERY strenuous, both physically and emotionally.

I would like to know that I could be "just a housewife" if that is what I wanted.

But I know my fiance does not feel that way.

I am offended by this and, although I am absolutely certain he loves me it seems to me I am just another source of income, rather that a potential wife.

I'm sorry but I feel that a woman has a right to be supported by her husband.

HOW do you ladies feel?

(note: I said "ladies")

I didn't read the many other pages of responses because it was so long but this is very one-sided and sexist in my opinion. Why should a man be in charge of making the money should you "decide" you want to be just a housewife if that is what you want? That sounds very selfish that you should be able to take the easy life while he continues working. There are good reasons for the wife or the husband to stay home, like kids. I am 34 weeks pregnant and have already quit my job because I could no longer stand for 8-9 hours at a time. I am going to stay home with the baby while my husband continues working. We did talk about years ago, that one of us would stay home when there was a baby and that it would probably be me. But I didn't come into this marriage expecting to be taken care of. That is a sentiment of an older generation, and with that comes man putting his foot down and making all decisions for the family (sorry don't agree with that one either). When my husband and I got married I worked full time while he went to college, and I worked full time and made the most income to support us for 4 1/2 years and now its simply his turn for a while. When my kid/kids are all in school I expect I will go back to the workforce at least part time rather than staying home.

So if your fiance is bound to support you, what are you bound to do in return that makes this an equal relationship?

 

[IslandBreeze]

I hope my husband doesn't feel OBLIGATED to be my sugar-daddy. I want him to know I appreciate and feel very very blessed that I'm able to pursue a commission-based career that I love because of his kindness for supporting our needs while I supply for our wants. I am grateful to him that I will be able to stay at home with my babies. I think finances is all a matter of attitude (take a look at the divorce rate over money issues).

 

[JillLars]

I am actually a home business consultant (from home), and my husband's occupation lets him work from home half the week, and that's the main reason why--we want to be WITH our children, not watch someone else raise them, or be so preoccupied with our demanding career that we don't ever really pay any attention to them...

Keep in mind that not everyone is able to get jobs where they can work at home. Many times its not because they don't want to be home with their kids, its because they can't afford it.

 

[charligirl]

Keep in mind that not everyone is able to get jobs where they can work at home. Many times its not because they don't want to be home with their kids, its because they can't afford it.

This is one of my hobby horses, I actually had a letter published in the Newspaper the other day about this. In the UK there was a news story about the government paying a subs to parents who wanted to go back to work which woulc help towards paying for a nanny or au pair, the lead on the story was all about 'Giving parents choice!' This made me so angry - because it is not actually a choice.. unless you want to go back to work that is. I argued that they should pay the subsidy to mothers to stay at home, rather than for nannys - that's a choice!

 

[Ashlynn]

I am hoping that if ever I am married that I would be able to stay home with the children- until that point, I would like to work. I don't know if it will be possible, but it is something I would like to do. The thing is these days many guys- the ones I know in anycase, had working moms, and they don't even see the use of staying home with the children. They see having to take care of a family as nothing but a burden that they would have to carry all by themselves. There is already resentment for something that hasnt even happened as yet.
So imagine not having any children and not working. I think they would just about drop dead.
On the other hand, Ive met some guys who expect when they have a wife that she will stay home to take care of the household responsibilities- children or not.
I think a man's views on whether a wife should stay home has to do with how he was raised. I also think that a man's views on whether a wife could stay home has to do with how much money he is making.

 

[Memory's Flame]

I have several views on this, I was a "latch key kid" not because my parents didn't want to stay home with me, but because financially it was not possible. MY husband on the other hand was raised primarily by his mother because his father was a "Big Business" man and spent 12 hours a day (and weekends) working or at charity functions to inable him to keep his position as bank president, so that his wife could stay home with the kids.

I would love to be able to stay home with our children, and will for at least the first 2 years, however if it were to mean that my husband would not be available for me and our children then I would not want that.