How do you deal with your same sex attraction?

[kbee125]

I'm attracted to this girl at work and I hate it. I try to avoid her, but it's hard since we sometimes have to work together and I don't want to be rude. Have you ever been in a situation like this?

 

[Southernscotty]

Perhaps Fasting and Prayer Friend, Pray and ask God for His help here. I am praying for you in Jesus name and remember you are more than a "conqueror", you are a overcomer through Christ :]

 

[salt-n-light]

I'm attracted to this girl at work and I hate it. I try to avoid her, but it's hard since we sometimes have to work together and I don't want to be rude. Have you ever been in a situation like this?

Yes, but I have resisted.

First take a step back. Usually, its two things going on.

1. What qualities about her are you admiring?
Usually, its physical traits that signify beauty or an idea of beauty in a woman. Or it's her demeanor. To admire it is fine, everyone admires things in everyone. But with attraction, there's usually an added component of motive. So don't avoid the fact that you admire her, but do keep in check your motives.

2. What qualities does she have that you feel like you lack in yourself?
Sometimes its the fact that they are so much like you that the idea of having her around would make life easier. Or sometimes you see qualities that you feel that you are lacking in yourself that if by being around her, would enrich your life as a woman. All of these are ideas. Reality and healthy viewing would be that you are fine as you are, and she can be a friend based on her values and character.

The best way to deal with it is to line up what's going on in your mind as ideas and fantasy and break them with reality. The fantasy world would just explore and make up ideas. But reality would be that you actually admire the qualities of this woman and you either think that being around her would make dealing with yourself easy, or that having her around would make you complete as a woman.

I don't know if I hit anything, but those are the type of patterns I see in myself, and then it can quickly turn into lust and bad decisions.

So first, get acquainted with the Word and line up what your motives are in this situation, and what God said your motives should be. Learn to respect it, respect those boundaries even if at the moment you don't want to. Secondly, ask yourself those two questions, and then fix it. If she have admirable traits, treat her like any other friend with admirable traits.

The girl I did find attractive at work at first glance, I stop my mind from wandering, kept it to reality. If she has a nice outfit, I'm not scared to say "nice outfit" or if she did something nice I say " that was sweet of you". But I kept it at that and keep it moving, like any other friend or stranger on the street. If I do have my mind wandering, making her bigger and majestic than what she is, and see triggers, I pause myself and ask those two questions. With deeper digging, I found that a lot of times, I feel a bit inadequate as a woman, and she was an ideal version of what I wish I would be right now. My mind thought maybe being around her more or having her would supplement that. But with the Word in my heart, I fight over those self-shames. God made me as a woman, good enough woman, and she was a flawed person like I am, but flawed doesn't make me inadequate. The desire naturally went away and I'm not scared to approach her. We are not buddy buddies, but I'm able to keep my professional workplace professional and my soul clear. At the end of the day, if I have to work with someone, then I need to prepare my mind for that situation. That's it. If God places me somewhere to do something, I have to do it. I can't just run off.

But understand that its a mindset and you have to get yourself to a place where you are not encouraging it while working on strategies to overcome. Neither of that requires you to deny what you are feeling, but rather to address it face-on and not run away from it with escapism and fear. It requires you to be active in the process of overcoming your flesh.Being a Christian you crucify flesh daily, you take it day by day, but you do it being equipped with the Word and plans in place. You can overcome it though. Just don't self-shame and suppress yourself for going through it.

Let me know how it goes, and I'll be praying for you.

 

[kbee125]

Yes, but I have resisted.

First take a step back. Usually, its two things going on.

1. What qualities about her are you admiring?
Usually, its physical traits that signify beauty or an idea of beauty in a woman. Or it's her demeanor. To admire it is fine, everyone admires things in everyone. But with attraction, there's usually an added component of motive. So don't avoid the fact that you admire her, but do keep in check your motives.

2. What qualities does she have that you feel like you lack in yourself?
Sometimes its the fact that they are so much like you that the idea of having her around would make life easier. Or sometimes you see qualities that you feel that you are lacking in yourself that if by being around her, would enrich your life as a woman. All of these are ideas. Reality and healthy viewing would be that you are fine as you are, and she can be a friend based on her values and character.

The best way to deal with it is to line up what's going on in your mind as ideas and fantasy and break them with reality. The fantasy world would just explore and make up ideas. But reality would be that you actually admire the qualities of this woman and you either think that being around her would make dealing with yourself easy, or that having her around would make you complete as a woman.

I don't know if I hit anything, but those are the type of patterns I see in myself, and then it can quickly turn into lust and bad decisions.

So first, get acquainted with the Word and line up what your motives are in this situation, and what God said your motives should be. Learn to respect it, respect those boundaries even if at the moment you don't want to. Secondly, ask yourself those two questions, and then fix it. If she have admirable traits, treat her like any other friend with admirable traits.

The girl I did find attractive at work at first glance, I stop my mind from wandering, kept it to reality. If she has a nice outfit, I'm not scared to say "nice outfit" or if she did something nice I say " that was sweet of you". But I kept it at that and keep it moving, like any other friend or stranger on the street. If I do have my mind wandering, making her bigger and majestic than what she is, and see triggers, I pause myself and ask those two questions. With deeper digging, I found that a lot of times, I feel a bit inadequate as a woman, and she was an ideal version of what I wish I would be right now. My mind thought maybe being around her more or having her would supplement that. But with the Word in my heart, I fight over those self-shames. God made me as a woman, good enough woman, and she was a flawed person like I am, but flawed doesn't make me inadequate. The desire naturally went away and I'm not scared to approach her. We are not buddy buddies, but I'm able to keep my professional workplace professional and my soul clear. At the end of the day, if I have to work with someone, then I need to prepare my mind for that situation. That's it. If God places me somewhere to do something, I have to do it. I can't just run off.

But understand that its a mindset and you have to get yourself to a place where you are not encouraging it while working on strategies to overcome. Neither of that requires you to deny what you are feeling, but rather to address it face-on and not run away from it with escapism and fear. Being a Christian you crucify flesh daily, you take it day by day, but you do it being equipped with the Word and plans in place. You can overcome it though. Just don't self-shame and suppress yourself for going through it.

Let me know how it goes, and I'll be praying for you.

Thank you so much. This was really helpful!

 

[kbee125]

Perhaps Fasting and Prayer Friend, Pray and ask God for His help here. I am praying for you in Jesus name and remember you are more than a "conqueror", you are a overcomer through Christ :]

Thank you!