How do you deal with the loneliness?

[roseallan]

I'm 57 and my hubby passed away 9 months ago. I am lonely too. I don't know what to do either. I feel as if I can't find my way around this world now. Where do I belong?

 

[bill5]

I'm very sorry for your loss. This takes a long time to deal with; I wish you the best in your difficult journey.

 

[praised72]

My husband passed away 8 months ago and I just started a photo album where I am also journaling how we met, how we set the date for our wedding, pictures of our cruise and trips, etc. He was not saved when I met him and I talked how he got saved, stopped drinking and as I did this, the memories helped me, a kind of therapy. I am still adding to it as I find more pictures. Also, my granddaughter is making a memory quilt with some of his clothing and pictures that will be transferred to fabric. This is how I am trying to cope with the loneliness, at least for part of the time. I have my devotionals I read each morning, "Jesus Calling", Joyce Meyer's devotional, Dr. David Jeremiah's Turning Point and my Bible. I have grown closer because I need to and because I have to get through this grief process.

 

[corno12]

Hi Everybody,
I just wanted to thank you all for your support, encouragement and prayers...and also the many ideas about how to cope. I've been out of the loop with the Forum for several months and i was shocked at how much support was offered to me!! I am truly grateful to you all.

Now I am approaching the 22nd month since Jim left for heaven. I've had some pretty good days and then some when the grief tsunami overcame me all over again. It still is just one day at a time holding onto my Savior, one step at a time, sometimes one breath at a time. I still don't know what God has in store for me other than right now to get stronger/better physically (I have psoriatic arthritis).

Thank you, thank you all so much again for your words of encouragement. They all meant very much to me. Happy Resurrection Day and God's Blessings to you all!

 

[HOPEZ]

Thanks for the tips

 

[bill5]

I haven't read all the replies but I think keeping busy/getting out of the house is one of the best things that helps, for what it's worth.

 

[Ritz]

I look towards the sky I do not put much stock in this world anymore. I have a greater feeling that my husband watches over me. I have been majorly blessed!!!

 

[albertha849]

I can relate to what you are experiencing as a widow. I too, lost my husband about 17 months again. He was 57 years old. My husband and I were soul mates and did everything together as husband and wife. He took care of me and made my life so much more easier. God blessed us to renew our wedding vows in Jamaica in 2010 and he passed in 2013. I miss him so much. He was my second husband and we did not have any children together. I am alone now and no one understand the loneliness that I experience on a daily basis. Sometimes, when I am alone in my home the reality of losing him almost takes my breath away. I am a Christian..I pray every day, quotes grief scriptures, and still feel this great void which is called loneliness. Nothing will completely fill this void because there will never be another person that you and I will meet identical to our husbands. Everyone that was there supporting us at the beginning of our lost has returned to the normalities of their lives. We are still struggling trying to determine what to do and with who to help us fill this void. After, all is said and done the void is still there because at the end of the day, we still are home alone!

 

[ktgal]

My husband has been gone over 3 yrs and it seems like its getting worse being without him. Maybe I am just getting used to being alone and that's it. It just seems harder lately.
I try to stay busy but that can be hard. I do work part time but not much. I spend a lot of time on the computer, occasionally do jigsaw puzzles, and they help keep your mind active. Lots of TV.

I got a dog right after my husband passed and he is a big help with loneliness. But I am still lonely. I've tried every group I can think of but haven't found anything of interest. Look in your local newspapers for any activities that are local to you. I have
no other thoughts, I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

 

[albertha849]

I am praying each day that God will help me to have a healthy healing process in the lost of my husband. I know that after a certain time of grieving, we must realize that our husbands are never coming back and that we must create a new normal for ourselves. I have asked God to help me to move on, to go forward, and to start a new beginning. My husband does not want me to give up on living my life and finding some means of happiness. He wants me to pick up the pieces of my life and go on and try to be happy again. I read in a grief book that had this quote: "As Job learned and as countless others have learned that when tragedies strike nothing is ever the same again, but there can be a new beginning." I am looking for this new beginning. I will always love my husband and will never forget him, but it comes a time when we must realize that life goes on. It is a hard pill to swallow just thinking about my wedding vows and one quote is this: "TILL DEATH DO YOU PART". The reality of it has finally come to pass and it has left me reeling from his passing.

 

[Fearnot87]

I know that such a situation could be so depressing and disheartening but just know that you have got to keep going by asking God to give you the grace to deal with such loneliness and loss.Also don't always stay alone,as much as you can stay around with your christian brethrean or family who could keep you company as well as being informal.With these by His grace you can overcome loneliness

 

[blackribbon]

I wish I could say the church was a better support system than it is. No one knows what to do with us after the first few months or so. There definitely isn't a place for us 6 years later. Our sadness and loneliness is supposed to be gone by then.

 

[Fearnot87]

Your situation is a pathetic one and i will be praying for you tonight,Another option.Try to go for outdoors and develope a leisure time for chat and educative games with your family members.Go out for basketball or any sport when u r less busy,invite close and bossom friends to dinner.Always talk and think about good things.Dnt always count ur losses,be optimistic and greatful to God.Play good uplifting gospel songs and finally most importantly;always ask God to help you overcome any sort of lonelinessBut then always know that you have a good brethrean here and we can aways cheer u up to forget ur loneliness

 

[Fearnot87]

It's quite unfortunate the church disappointed you but then pray for them and forgive as well.That's why bible says dnt put ur trust in man coz they can fail.Nevertheless church is still a closer brethrean and as well a leaning shoulder if you associate with the good ones.Things will soon get better.Cheer up!

 

[blackribbon]

How about I go to nursing school so I can pay the bills while serving a purpose in life? However, raising two kids and working 13 hour shifts doesn't leave much time for sports or dinner with friends...(most of which disappeared when I no longer could meet their needs as encourager in their lives). "Happy thoughts"...why didn't I think of that?

Sorry, it has been a particularly trying week...and the stress of the new job is often more than I can handle when I come home to sleep alone. Ever have a job where even the smallest mistake could potentially damage someone? Maybe I picked the wrong profession even though I am very good at it.

Plenty of "good churches"...just nobody knows what to do with a 40 year old widow...we don't fit with the retired ladies...we don't fit with the divorce women...we don't fit with the intact families...

 

[HOPEZ]

loneliness is something all of us went through. there ia a gap which noone can feel. it is part of the healing process but one thing for sure the gap will close narrow the gape. You need to find a lot of activities to do, participate in church activities, find many books and articles to read, if their grief groups in our area join them even find a sport to do. Try and occupy yourself but just don't overwork yourself. baking and cooking can also help. just dont forget to pray all the time.

 

[Fearnot87]

I think i have got a clearer picture of your predicament and it's quite an uneasy one but there's an end to every unpleasant situation.Going for nursing could've been nicer but God knows why you didn't go for that initially.Waow!!, 13 hrs work shifts and at the same time raisin kids,must be tideous but once there's life,a better opportunity is bound to unfold.Just keep being delligent in your present work and God will always make a better way.You certainly fit in to the church coz being a child of God and maintaining a good relationship with Him is of great importance and value and that's where every wise person should fit in. I have seen and heard people in a similar case like urs got elevated by God.No matter what the present situation including the people around u insinuate,i sure know that God is not done with you thus life begins at 40 and He will cause the right people at the right time to come ur way to support u.Patience,Hope,Longsuffering,endurance and godliness are the master keys to unlocking a fulfilled life

 

[blackribbon]

Pretty words but does God really promise us a "better way"? Mother Teresa never got it. She lived a hard life but her work was what made it worth it. I am trying to find a way to live in peace with this really may be as good as it gets and my place in this world may be to serve people, not to be rewarded in anyway beyond comforting the hurting. I didn't go into nursing the first time because I felt lead to be a full-time mother...which I was until my husband died. I am broken now in ways that I wasn't before. I have developed a few phobias that I never had before. I also suffer from some anxiety symptoms...which I suspect are related to the never ending stress. And lately, I just feel extreme sadness which makes it hard to get out of bed if I don't have to go to work. I think our promise of a beautiful life is in eternity, not necessarily here. I am no longer a 43 year old widow. I am almost a 50 year old widow. I know that is really a young age and to be honest, I'd find more comfort if I was older and closer to being called home.

 

[Fearnot87]

Awwww sincerly your experiences really cut to the heart and i know what it means for someone's dreams to be thwarted coupled with a great sense of loss.From the way you sound,you seem to always keep it alone or hardly go for a walk and check on friends due to your tight schedule.Studies have proven that in ur leisure time, ways to repel anxiety,depression and sadness are; taking a walk for sight-seeing,going to sports centres to watch sports,involving in a social gathering(women group,the choir in the church,voluntary organizations etc).Coming to a beautiful life.we are meant to live a beautiful life here on earth before heading to eternity for more beautiful one.In Jeremiah 29:11.God says He has a good plan for us and He's able to give us expected end,yet this doesn't mean that life is nw a bed of roses.Inasmuchas we are still in this world, many are the afflictions of the righteous but God delivers us from all.Therefore the level our spirituality and as well as our committment to God will certainly land us a beautiful life here.There are Satanic unseen forces fighting us and wouldn't want us enjoy the good life and when we fall victims to this, due to lack of constant spiritual warfare and committment to God,it will nw seem as if God's promise hardly comes by.At your age there alot of things u can accomplish and i'm believing that God will renew ur srenght.Serving people is rewarding and pls take it easy and worry less.Pls dnt give Satan chance by much sadness and anxiety which can lead to a severe illment.Be joyful in the Lord,appreciate ur life and ignore ur problems

 

[blackribbon]

I appreciate your encouragement however, am not sure how to implement the "leisure" time advice because it is so rare to find. I am doing the job of two now...both being the breadwinner and the homebuilder....and as much as I have tried, can't find any social groups that "fit". I have tried to force fit myself a few times just to have a place to belong but that doesn't work either. I hope this is just a "season" in my life... I have spent my entire life volunteering but find I don't have the energy to do that after long hours of serving people at work. My bucket is empty. There is just nothing left to give. I know my job is a gift from God and I am incredibly grateful for the unusual path that brought me here...but that doesn't mean it is easy or brings me happiness. I even see that the path I am on is most definitely preparing me for something bigger....but I suspect that is a bigger opportunity to serve and not necessarily a place of happiness beyond that gotten when you know you have served someone. I guess my only hope is that since God has not removed this desire to not be alone that maybe that is an indication that He has someone out there for me sometime. So much of what else I have gotten has been laid on my heart even before I received it.