How do you control your kids?

[Arthur Dietrich]

For those of you who haven't been blessed with perfectly well behaved children...what do you do when your kid/s get out of control (especially in a public place)

I was in Barnes and Nobel today. There was a little boy (about 6) who was whining and crying. I figured he was just tired. Then I heard his mother say "If you don't stop that I'm going to leave you in this store." Then later his grandmother said "I don't want anyone to know you're my grandson."

My first thought was 'that's not something you say to such a young child.'

And of course there's the child that just has too much energy. I'm sure we've all seen/dealt with those.

So..what do you do?

 

[HeatherJay]

Well, I have 2 little angels that have their not so angelic moments. If we're in the grocery store, if they don't behave, they are confined to the shopping cart (which they HATE). Also, they're allowed 1 treat each, and if they continue to misbehave, they lose their treat. That usually does the trick. Although, I do find that their misbehavior usually comes from either tiredness or boredom, it's not because they're bad kids. Tiredness, the shopping cart also remedies that. Boredom, I try to involve them more in the shopping so they don't just feeled like they are being dragged along.


My girls think the bookstore is just as good as the toy store, so I almost never have a problem with them in there. I pick out a few books I might want, then breeze through them in the kid's section while my kids play with the trains or other toys.

I think the grandmother's comment was completely inappropriate and mean. Personally hearing an adult speak to their child in that manner would have annoyed me FAR more than a little one whining and crying. Yes, I get annoyed with my kids when they are misbehaving, but they usually have a good reason. And if they are just being little punks...well, that's when it's time to go home. Hurting their feelings and saying hurtful things to them is certainly not going to make them straighten up and act right.

Love, Heather

 

[kingzjewel]

i agree with heather...my boy is only 7mos old but i have dealt with other kids older than he is and hurtful comments only serve to make a worse kid in the long run. i like the ideas that heather uses with her kids. i will use the same with mine and my mom used similar ones with me and my sisters, too. hurtful comments serve a bitter end.

 

[Evening Mist]

My response depends on what is going on. I try very hard to set my kids up to be successful on outings by working around their sleeping and eating patterns and taking them out when I know they will be at their best. Its not at all fair to take a tired or hungry kid and then make him bored to tears on top of it, and expect him to keep his act together.

I also try (when I'm at my best) to keep them engaged and involved in whatever our errand involves. I realize its not fun to be a tag-along for someone else's business. So I try to make it "our" business instead of just mine. If we are grocery shopping, I try to keep them engaged in coversation or singing songs, and I try to think of ways they can "help." Of course, this makes our trip take a little longer.... but its worth it. Its also nice that even though their "help" is not very helpful right now, they are learning what needs to be done and I know that at some point -- they will be very capable grocery shoppers.

For things like doctor's appointments it helps to have them bring their backpacks along, filled with coloring and small toys and books.

The bookstore is a tough place to go with kids, unless you hang out in the kid's section. We usually do that as a family, or I take a mom friend with me. As long as their are 2 adults things run smoother. We just sort of take turns minding children and browsing quickly.

I hate when people just snap and yell at their kids to "be good," without ever offering any constructive feedback about the kids can channel their energy in a positive way. "Be good" is a really vauge thing to tell a little kid. Of course, at my worst --- I sometimes hear things come out of my own mouth that make me cringe.

Sometimes, online shopping is a really wondeful thing.

 

[HeatherJay]

I agree, Jewel, being mean and speaking out of anger is never good. You sound like you're on the right track with your son

Oh, yes, Evening...backpacks are a great idea too. And wonderful for long car rides. Also, my girls love babydolls, so they each pick one baby to bring along with us. Lots of times they are so preoccupied taking care of THEIR kids that it makes my job much easier. I think you're exactly right about not setting them up for failure and trying to work around their sleeping and eating schedules. Wonderful advice .

Another thing that I think is important is teaching your child to express their feelings. When my kiddios start to get cranky then I try to ask them why they're getting so grouchy. Is it because they're hungry or tired or bored or sick...or is it something else? Once they learn how to label what they're feeling then they're better able to deal with it...if they don't know how to express it, then it usually comes out as screaming and crying and temper tantrums.

I wish someone had given me this kind of info long ago. LOL. Parenting is truly trial and error...finding what works best for your kids. I guess the most important thing is just remember that little ones have feelings to and they should be considered. Try to remember what it was like when YOU were that size.

Love, Heather

 

[kingzjewel]

Sometimes, online shopping is a really wondeful thing.

if only i could do ALL shopping online or drive thru my world would be a better place

 

[desi]

Anything and everything, I'm unpredictable. My children know I love them but understand I'm willing to drop them off at juvy if they get out of hand. Spanking, corner, scolding, extra chores, treats for the good kids, my children never know the punishment for bad behavior until they do it and my children's incidence of behaving poorly is exceedingly rare.

 

[Tami]

My kids are usually pretty good in stores and people have given me comments on how good they are but sometimes they do have their bad moments and I expect that since they are 6, 2, and 1. If the younger ones are misbehaving it's usually because they are tired or hungry. I usually just try to keep them as entertained as possible by playing with them by making funny faces or talking in silly 1 and 2 year old language to them and trying to do my shopping at the same time. The other customers probably think I'm a weirdo but there's not much else you can do with tired and hungry toddlers. The only thing my 6 year old really does is ask for everything in the store and I simply tell him he's not getting it if he's going to whine about it. I don't mind if he asks for stuff, I just don't tolerate a whiny or demanding attitude.


Tami

 

[Evening Mist]

I actually got a compliment in the grocery store yesterday!!! A lady told me that if more people listened to and interacted with their kids the way that I do, there wouldn't be 1/2 the crying and whining you see from kids in the grocery store. I assured her that we have our bad days like anyone else, but it still warmed my heart!

 

[lucypevensie]

I agree with what was said about getting the kids involved in the shopping excursion. Don't just make them tag along and expect them to have as much "fun" as you're having.

Our kids don't always get treats for being good in the store. But they always get verbal approval and compliments on exemplary behavior. Once in a while I'll let them buy a gumball at the machine on the way out, but they never get one if they know they've misbehaved. There have also been times that we put all our purchases back on the shelves (including toys) for whiny, complaining attitudes. That's a hard thing for everybody but it really cuts down on the griping!

 

[karla]

My kids are pretty well bahved, but all kids have their moments Usually I can give my daughter "the look" and things have a way of managing themselves. They also know that I will leave any place at any time when they misbehave. We have left the grocery store with an almost full cart. We recently were at McDonald's with our neighbor and her son and when Kailtyn got mouthy and wouldn't eat I warned her, she continued and we left. I think the most important thing to to be consistent and not to make empty threats. If you say you are going to do something then you have to follow through. The example of leaving he child int he store is one that wouldn't work because that child knows his mom isn't going to leave him there (at least you would hope not) and as far as what the grandmother said, that's sad because I don't think that you should ever put a child down.

 

[Evening Mist]

I have to be careful with the "we're gonna have to leave" threat. My children now will say, "Okay, lets leave. Thats what I wanted anyway." Leaving your groceries at the store once is reasonable. Leaving them every week leads to starvation. We eventually had to develop a different strategy for dealing with necessary chores.