krstg said:
In the case of being interested in someone you don't know well: I understand the concept of getting to know this someone as a friend before entertaining any romantic ideas. What I don't know is: How do you be friends first when you already desire to be more than friends? And, is this "friends first" stage really a "trying to learn if we are compatible" stage?
Furthermore, in the case that the person you are interested in does not already talk with you frequently, should you (a) try to forget about him/her, (b) drop hints, (c) directly ask him/her to lunch or something (initiate friend activities), or (d) ???? ? What's appropriate? Any advice, insights, experiences, Bible stories or verses to show me how to act in such a situation? 
I've been trying to ignore my feelings of interest in a particular guy but, honestly, they keep popping up and I've been wondering if I should put effort into getting to know more about him in order to see if there is something that reinforces or reduces my interest in him. Normally I wait for the guy... I'm friendly in general, but slow to build close friendships / relationships (could probably tell how slow I am by now!)... I'm trying to resolve my feelings....
krstg
Nearly 4 years ago, God gave me the two best gifts ever. Salvation and a great friend. OK so I wasn't think about Graig as a friend at the time. I took one look at his broad shoulders and said "I want that one."
NOw I am notorious for wearing my heart on my sleeve and everyone soon figured out that I had it big time for Graig. We were coming back from a baseball game and he turned down the radio and "talked" to me. You know the worst words in the English language are "we need to talk." He proceded to tell me all about how he really valued our friendship but there was nothing more there. He knew I had been hurt and used by many guys and he refused to add himself to that list.
Needless to say I was crushed. We pretty much avoided each other for about a month. During that time, I sucked it up so to speak. I cared SO much for Graig that if friends was all I could get friends was what I would have. So I sat him down and had a talk. I said basically that we were being big idiots for avoiding each other over one stupid uncomfortable moment and we were even bigger idiots to waste the wonderful friendship we could have.
Evidently that's the same night he decided to marry me. In our avoidance of each other, he missed me. Then he found himself getting ticked off everytime his roommate mention how pretty I was. Or funny. Or smart. Or the many things his roommate was infatuated with at the time. He did some thinking and praying and realized that he did have feelings for me. He was just waiting for God to tell him I could handle being pursued (I was a baby christian coming out of a very promiscous past). Evidently my putting our friendship above my feelings sealed the deal for him.
Graig pursued me very slowly (at least by our churche's standards where people tend to move fast). We had this talk in August and he didn't formally ask me to date until February (dating in our circle pretty much means "hey will you marry me next year?). I was totally blown away. I had somehow missed his pursuit of me.
We dated for a year, then were engaged for 3 months and have been married for a year and a half and our expecting our first baby.
Now to answer how... Friendship, in my opinion is ABSOLUTELY necessary. I wasn't playing any game when I decided to be Graig's friend and I promise you there were days that it nearly broke my heart. He is a sweet funny good looking man and new women to church always seemed to flirt with him. I prayed for Graig every single day. Never once did I specifically pray for him to be mine (though I don't necessarliy think it is totally wrong to). Everyday I prayed that if God did want Graig to be for me that He would mold ME into the woman for Graig. I then prayed that if it was not to be that God would bring a wonderful woman into Graig's life. One who could share his interests his joys and his tears. I prayed that God help us be friends and brothers and sisters in Christ and to make all decisions about each other according to God's will. None of this was ever easy.
I think that there is a difference between ignoring our feelings and not running on them I was always WELL aware of my feelings for Graig but I didn't let them determine my actions towards him. I NEVER touched him. It seems like such a silly thing but I never ever touched that boy. No hugs no casual brushes no nothing. Never even shook his hand. I never initiated any alone time with him. There were times when were were alone like if he drove me home (I didn't have a car) or if we went for pizza or something. But I never initiated it.
Now this story is cute and romantic and all butwhere we are now would be totally useless if we didn't continue to mold our friendship. We love watching sports together and just hanging out as bud. We are ridiculously competive. We compete over anything!
I hope this helps.
