How do/would you handle this?

[quatona]

(Not exactly a moral/ethical question, but one concerning human interaction, so I guess I can put it here.)

Usually, I am quite interested in hearing other people´s opinions and learning about the way they construct their reality, but sometimes...

There´s a guy in my Badminton team who has figured it all out. Everything. So he´s holding endless lectures, explaining the world to everyone who hasn´t even asked. In a quite loud and intense voice and tone. Something I find hard to bear, anyway.

Now add to this that his interests, his purposes, his meanings, his life contents, his values, his longings and fears are so different than mine that there is hardly any common ground, and I would have a hard time even summoning up a minimal interest in his elaborations.

Usually, it´s not that much of a problem, because during training hours I concentrate on playing and training. However, it´s this time of the year when each and every community have their X-mas parties; when they suggest to go to a X-mas market together etc. etc.
I don´t find such socializing and small-talk events particularly attractive anyway, but most of the time I participate just so not to irritate people or endanger the team spirit.

However, the prospect of spending one entire night listening to the sermons of the above mentioned person makes me sick. I am aware that everyone is different, I am aware that I am an odd freak myself to many people, but sometimes the mis-match is so extreme....

Any thoughts or suggestions?

 

[Andrewofthetribe]

(Not exactly a moral/ethical question, but one concerning human interaction, so I guess I can put it here.)

Usually, I am quite interested in hearing other people´s opinions and learning about the way they construct their reality, but sometimes...

There´s a guy in my Badminton team who has figured it all out. Everything. So he´s holding endless lectures, explaining the world to everyone who hasn´t even asked. In a quite loud and intense voice and tone. Something I find hard to bear, anyway.

Now add to this that his interests, his purposes, his meanings, his life contents, his values, his longings and fears are so different than mine that there is hardly any common ground, and I would have a hard time even summoning up a minimal interest in his elaborations.

Usually, it´s not that much of a problem, because during training hours I concentrate on playing and training. However, it´s this time of the year when each and every community have their X-mas parties; when they suggest to go to a X-mas market together etc. etc.
I don´t find such socializing and small-talk events particularly attractive anyway, but most of the time I participate just so not to irritate people or endanger the team spirit.

However, the prospect of spending one entire night listening to the sermons of the above mentioned person makes me sick. I am aware that everyone is different, I am aware that I am an odd freak myself to many people, but sometimes the mis-match is so extreme....

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Have you ever questioned his views?

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Have fun with it. Ask him to elaborate on certain points, feign interest, praise his knowledge, but wear him out with questions. He'll soon 'get it'.

 

[brinny]

(Not exactly a moral/ethical question, but one concerning human interaction, so I guess I can put it here.)

Usually, I am quite interested in hearing other people´s opinions and learning about the way they construct their reality, but sometimes...

There´s a guy in my Badminton team who has figured it all out. Everything. So he´s holding endless lectures, explaining the world to everyone who hasn´t even asked. In a quite loud and intense voice and tone. Something I find hard to bear, anyway.

Now add to this that his interests, his purposes, his meanings, his life contents, his values, his longings and fears are so different than mine that there is hardly any common ground, and I would have a hard time even summoning up a minimal interest in his elaborations.

Usually, it´s not that much of a problem, because during training hours I concentrate on playing and training. However, it´s this time of the year when each and every community have their X-mas parties; when they suggest to go to a X-mas market together etc. etc.
I don´t find such socializing and small-talk events particularly attractive anyway, but most of the time I participate just so not to irritate people or endanger the team spirit.

However, the prospect of spending one entire night listening to the sermons of the above mentioned person makes me sick. I am aware that everyone is different, I am aware that I am an odd freak myself to many people, but sometimes the mis-match is so extreme....

Any thoughts or suggestions?

I am aware that I am an odd freak myself to many people

i only have some thoughts on what you posted.

They are, that it sounds like a very difficult and uncomfortable situation, and i am genuinely sorry that you are inundated with something so uncomfortable.

Why would you be compelled to listen to sermons for an entire night, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[durangodawood]

Surely other people on your team must also be fed up with this guys nonstop human-splaining?

Can you find some allies to help in calming this guy down?

 

[Andrewofthetribe]

Have fun with it. Ask him to elaborate on certain points, feign interest, praise his knowledge, but wear him out with questions. He'll soon 'get it'.

Shall we try it here lol? Do you like warm milk on your cornflakes or do you prefer them with cold milk

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Shall we try it here lol? Do you like warm milk on your cornflakes or do you prefer them with cold milk

You must feign sincerity in your questions.

 

[Andrewofthetribe]

You must feign sincerity in your questions.

lol it is genuine my friend, I like them with warm milk my wife thinks it's weird, your answer may give me some authority within my own walls lol

 

[OldWiseGuy]

lol it is genuine my friend, I like them with warm milk my wife thinks it's weird, your answer may give me some authority within my own walls lol

That is weird, man.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Shall we try it here lol? Do you like warm milk on your cornflakes or do you prefer them with cold milk

I'm still waiting for my cornflakes.

 

[Chesterton]

nm

 

[Andrewofthetribe]

That is weird, man.

shall I switch to cold milk to get rid of this weirdness within me lol My grandfather passed this weirdness on to me when I was a little sprite. Shall I lose the traditions of my clan to please the world? Lol some churches would have me believe so. We are all so different and it's easy to get wound up because someone has an opinion or belief that is different from our selves. We do not know a man until we know his history. How do we learn their history and what shaped them? We ask them!

 

[Andrewofthetribe]

I'm still waiting for my cornflakes.

How shall we give this man hope?

 

[OldWiseGuy]

How shall we give this man hope?

Bring my cornflakes.

 

[quatona]

Thanks, brinny, for your response!

i only have some thoughts on what you posted.

They are, that it sounds like a very difficult and uncomfortable situation, and i am genuinely sorry that you are inundated with something so uncomfortable.

Why would you be compelled to listen to sermons for an entire night, if you don't mind me asking?

Because this is how such events usually unfold.
The only way to evade it is not to go there.

 

[quatona]

Surely other people on your team must also be fed up with this guys nonstop human-splaining?

Just yesterday I spoke to some others in the team about my issue, and, yes, they are annoyed, but apparently not fed up. They reminded me that Mr. X does some important things and is a great organizer. (IOW: "We need him, therefore...").

Can you find some allies to help in calming this guy down?

Do you have any practical, creative ideas how to "calm him down"? What means are you thinking of?

 

[Aryeh]

(Not exactly a moral/ethical question, but one concerning human interaction, so I guess I can put it here.)

Usually, I am quite interested in hearing other people´s opinions and learning about the way they construct their reality, but sometimes...

There´s a guy in my Badminton team who has figured it all out. Everything. So he´s holding endless lectures, explaining the world to everyone who hasn´t even asked. In a quite loud and intense voice and tone. Something I find hard to bear, anyway.

Now add to this that his interests, his purposes, his meanings, his life contents, his values, his longings and fears are so different than mine that there is hardly any common ground, and I would have a hard time even summoning up a minimal interest in his elaborations.

Usually, it´s not that much of a problem, because during training hours I concentrate on playing and training. However, it´s this time of the year when each and every community have their X-mas parties; when they suggest to go to a X-mas market together etc. etc.
I don´t find such socializing and small-talk events particularly attractive anyway, but most of the time I participate just so not to irritate people or endanger the team spirit.

However, the prospect of spending one entire night listening to the sermons of the above mentioned person makes me sick. I am aware that everyone is different, I am aware that I am an odd freak myself to many people, but sometimes the mis-match is so extreme....

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Tell him. Privately - maybe over a beer or something.

Sometimes it takes that when someone goes through a paradigm shift. To them, everything becomes brand new, and they want to share this "revelation" with the world.

The problem is that usually 99% of people don't care, or have already hit that "epiphany" point, and have no interest in philosophically going backward.

A similar example would be a 9/11 truther finding out for the first time that [perhaps] there were serious deception and lies told. These people want to tell everyone, aND "educate" others - which is actually a great thing. The problem comes when they 1)preach to the choir, or 2) they preach to an audience that doesn't care.q

You will need to explicitly, and directly (but respectfully and gently) lay out exactly why you have no desire to hear his "sermons." In fact, depending on the relationship you have you should tell him what you call them... it may bring the point home. But, he needs to know that what he is doing may be offending other persons. That is your right to be offended, and to make your case.

But, you will also have to be prepared for him to say, "sod off..." and any other consequences.

That would be the non-passive-aggressive way.

 

[quatona]

Have fun with it. Ask him to elaborate on certain points, feign interest, praise his knowledge, but wear him out with questions. He'll soon 'get it'.

Thank you! That´s a creative idea!
Why would you think it will wear him out?

 

[quatona]

Have you ever questioned his views?

As I have tried to explain in the OP: Part of my problem is that his view circle around things I neither have a clue of nor am interested in. So, for example, when he starts talking about cars - I don´t have anything to question or contribute. The only thing about cars that has ever interested me is that they carry me from A to B. I have always owned used cars in the 2k bucks league.
But now that you asked: Occasionally he´s posting some stuff on FB from - to say it mildly - dubious sources, and once I pointed that out to him.
Then again, my problem is not really that I disagree with his views....

 

[Chesterton]

Is it possible to gently change the subject during even a brief pause in his talking? I know sometimes when one person is dominating a conversation about something, it can come as a relief to everyone else when somebody shifts the topic to something that others can start talking about.