Recently, Ive been feeling really down in the dumps, and my faith is suffering. The cause of my near-depression is because I keep doubting the Lord's existence, and I'm scared if I keep this up I'll go to Hell, which is my #1 fear in the entire world.
I honestly 100% believe God exists, and that Jesus died for our sins, and that there is a Heaven and Hell, but one day this nagging voice in the back of my mind kept saying "God doesn't exist" and "You're stupid for believing in Christianity", and since then I've been dealing with this, and I know its the Devil trying to get me on his side, but I don't want to be on his side. I want to be with God.
One day I even thought "You have to let go of the one's you love the most, so God, I'm letting you go." The day I thought that was the day I knew that this was a serious issue. Not to long ago I was watching a Christian TV show about a man talking about headlines and the how it relates to the End Times, and halfway through I busted out crying because he was talking about how amazing the Rapture will be and how it should give us hope, but I felt (and at times still feel) that I'm going to be left behind in the Rapture, and maybe not even go to Heaven at all because of my thoughts and doubt.
Now sometimes when I think something negative, my mind applies it to God (Like if I say, "I hate bananas" a thought echoes in my mind saying "Just like you hate God), but when I say something positive, like "God is good" my mind just replies "Yes He is." Why is that??
There are some days when I feel wonderful and full of faith and love for the Lord, and other days when I would rather die than go through the mental torture I go through. I hate the way I feel and myself when I doubt God and think destructive thoughts towards Him and His kingdom, and on those days I can't concentrate on anything: My school work, my teachers, even a conversation becomes to much for me.
I've been praying for God to deliver me from this, but one morning on the radio I heard Dr. Charles Stanley say a bible verse about doubters being like "Double-minded heathens" and how God doesn't have to answer to them. Lately I've been putting my problems into God's hands, and it lifted a tremendous weight off my shoulders, but the problem still isn't solved, and I fear God can't forgive/save someone who would do something so terrible as to doubt Him, even if I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior prior (and after) this.
What are some practical, biblical, scriptural ways to ask God to give me the strength overcome my biggest demon: My mind?
I honestly 100% believe God exists, and that Jesus died for our sins, and that there is a Heaven and Hell, but one day this nagging voice in the back of my mind kept saying "God doesn't exist" and "You're stupid for believing in Christianity", and since then I've been dealing with this, and I know its the Devil trying to get me on his side, but I don't want to be on his side. I want to be with God.
One day I even thought "You have to let go of the one's you love the most, so God, I'm letting you go." The day I thought that was the day I knew that this was a serious issue. Not to long ago I was watching a Christian TV show about a man talking about headlines and the how it relates to the End Times, and halfway through I busted out crying because he was talking about how amazing the Rapture will be and how it should give us hope, but I felt (and at times still feel) that I'm going to be left behind in the Rapture, and maybe not even go to Heaven at all because of my thoughts and doubt.
Now sometimes when I think something negative, my mind applies it to God (Like if I say, "I hate bananas" a thought echoes in my mind saying "Just like you hate God), but when I say something positive, like "God is good" my mind just replies "Yes He is." Why is that??
There are some days when I feel wonderful and full of faith and love for the Lord, and other days when I would rather die than go through the mental torture I go through. I hate the way I feel and myself when I doubt God and think destructive thoughts towards Him and His kingdom, and on those days I can't concentrate on anything: My school work, my teachers, even a conversation becomes to much for me.
I've been praying for God to deliver me from this, but one morning on the radio I heard Dr. Charles Stanley say a bible verse about doubters being like "Double-minded heathens" and how God doesn't have to answer to them. Lately I've been putting my problems into God's hands, and it lifted a tremendous weight off my shoulders, but the problem still isn't solved, and I fear God can't forgive/save someone who would do something so terrible as to doubt Him, even if I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior prior (and after) this.
What are some practical, biblical, scriptural ways to ask God to give me the strength overcome my biggest demon: My mind?
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