How do I move on?

[MelWright]

Hi guys,
Right well my story begins when I was raped at 15. I fell pregnant, had an abortion and it hit me really bad. I was depressed, drinking, doing drugs, anything 2 forget. I just couldnt believe it had happened to me, i mean i lived in a nice area, had always done the right thing, what had i done wrong?

About a year later, I saw the guy who did it to me. I was with my mate and when i told him he hit the guy. The guy said big mistake, ur in trouble now. He came after me and raped me 2 more times within the next year. Id been raped 3 times by the same guy, had nothing worth going to the police with and was only 17. The 2nd time i fell pregnant again and had a 2nd abortion. I absolutly hate myself for doing that. Iwas so depressed, but luckily I found a group of friends who have supported me so much.

Last saturday it happened again. A 4th time. This time a random guy. I just dont know how 2 move on. Maybe i asked 4 it, I mean 4 times is a lot in 4 years. Im scared to leave the house, I do go out but I panic every time. I don't know what I want really, just some advice would be great.

 

[tapero]

Hi Hon,

It's isn't your fault at all. You're in no way responsible or the cause of what others do. I am so sorry hon, and am praying for you.

You in no way asked for this to happen to you. Don't think in any way you have.

You are loved by God and precious in His site.

I'm glad you have good friends who support you too.

I pray angels to surround you and protect you through Jesus.

I'm glad you wrote hon.
love,
tapero

 

[MelWright]

Thanks. I was just starting to feel better about all the other times and it has to happen a 4th time this week. Feel like im right back 2 square one again.

 

[bluemarkus]

melanie,

- have you reported to the police ? or are you afraid to report ?
or did the man threaten you ?

Markus

 

[MelWright]

I havn't reported it, no. For one thing I havn't got anything that would help find him. As far as they are concerned he could be anyone. For another, the only reason he did it the 2nd and 3rd times was because my mate hit him. If I go to the police i he might do worse.

 

[shazabella]

Hey Mel,

once is too many let alone four times. I pray that you find safety away from all this violence and give yourself permission to heal because you deserve that above everything. If you want to talk about anything please feel free to PM me. I know what its like being back at square one.

sitting here holding your hand

- Shaz

 

[MelWright]

Thank you. Its getting to the stage where im just accepting it as part of life which I know I shouldnt. Theres no point getting better because he will just come after me again and theres nothing i can do to stop him. Its the wrong attitude i know and i need help getting myself out of it.

 

[Tsarina]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Lord, have mercy!

You shouldn't have to live in fear at all, and it's NOT your fault. Isn't there a way you can get a restraining order on him?

In the meantime, i advice you to carry pepper spray or something in your defense. Never walk alone outside, specially in area's where they're are no people.

Can you have someone walking with you outside at all times?

Will be praying for you.

 

[MelWright]

My friends said they are never leaving me alone again. I know they cant be there all the time though. Ive just been unlucky. No, I cant get a restraining order, I dont know who he is. My area is very busy and would be difficult 2 find.

 

[bluemarkus]

well, here´s some things that come to my mind

I would really recommend you file a report to the police.
we have human government for cases like this ! no government is perfect, but anarchy is even worse. Police are able to do a lot of things nowadays, we are able to take fingerprints, trace back IP adresses and phone lines, we have a product code on every device, we can compare evidence of blood, sperm, saliva and even DNA.
so I think it would be important to go to the police and to file a report.

another very important thing is moderate dress and behavior. you girls have no clue how important that is. men are very visual beings. so dress modestly and don´t act up.

sometimes, rape is about power. the male wants to prove its power to the "defeated" person. I think in your special case this might be the primar motive, because you described a repeated assault, and that
he had warned to do it again.

well, I don´t really know what to write...

I wish you the best. i don´t believe that time heals all wounds, but i believe time heals a lot of them. it very important that we forgive.
that is essential for our own wellbeing !

remember, the lord is above our little worldviews and circumstances...

he will give to everyone what he deserves.
vengeance is mine, saith the lord, i will recompense.

 

[Johnnz]

The police and DNA can be a very good combination.

You need to get somewhere real safe. You have a lot to work through and feeling safe will help you begin.

John
NZ

 

[MelWright]

I will think about going to the police. I know it will be hard for them to do anything though but I will think about it. It's so hard to talk about it.

Thank you for all your support, I know I have issues to work through and I'm hoping God will help me through it. My friends have said they will not leave me by myself ever again and hopefully that will keep me safe.

mel

 

[BigToe]

I'm sorry you've had to suffer through all that. You've done what you had to do to take care of yourself in the moment. Right or wrong choices, it doesn't matter now because I think in those moments there isn't really the ability to always think in those terms, we go into survival mode and we all have different instincts as to what will help us survive. God realizes that and loves us anyway. God loves YOU.

As for rape, unfortunately something about what it does to us somehow makes us easier targets for another rape. I think it makes us more vulnerable or something, but it isn't uncommon for someone to be raped more than once. Especially if one person abuses you on more than one occasion.

You aren't alone, you are loved, and you are worthy of that love.

 

[MelWright]

I hope im worthy of his love. Ive done so many stupid and wrong things. I just need God to show himself to me. I feel so alone. I need his forgiveness.

 

[0x87a]

Don't worry. God is just up there, and me at your side..
If you really need someone to lean on, you can prop me!
I'll listen to you. You're not alone.

God understands each and everyone of us.

Have a blessed week!

 

[MelWright]

Thank you. Means a lot to hear that.

 

[skunkfeather]

I would report it. To me there is NO reason not to, and rape kits can get the evidence needed to help find guilt of the rapist

I wonder if you're the "only one" for him, or if there are others - and if so, if noone ever reports, the harm will never come to an end.

I dont know how you keep coming into contact with this person, but unless you willingly go with or meet with the individual, more charges could be placed aganst him - on top of rape charges.

I really thhink it's time for you to be proactive about the situation - if not for yourself, for others then.

 

[BigToe]

Sometimes it is hard for us to see that God has already forgiven us because we can't forgive ourselves. And if we can't as humans, it is really difficult to grasp that God can and already has. God loves you and he wants you to know he's there for you. He wants to meet with you as a friend so you can tell him all your troubles. He'll hold your hand as you cry, jump up and down with you when you laugh, and He will always be there with you.

But if you don't forgive yourself, you'll never see past that to know God has forgiven you already.

The funny thing is, to God even our good deeds are but dirty rags. There is nothing we can do that is good enough. But he loves us so much, he loves YOU so much, that he didn't want that to be a problem. So he found a way to wash you clean and forgive you of everything you have ever done and will ever do. You just need to accept that gift.

 

[MelWright]

I will keep trying. If I keep trying to forgive myself and move on I will have to manage it one day.
I will seriously consider reporting it, your right. I would NEVER

 

[MelWright]

I will keep trying. If I keep trying to forgive myself and move on I will have to manage it one day.
I will seriously consider reporting it, your right. I would NEVER forgive myself if he did it to anyone else.

Mel