How do I handle this?

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

So, I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I really dislike most hardcore rock/metal music. The reason is that most of it, to me, sounds very dark, depressing, negative, and even evil. Even if it is a Christian band. Plain and simple, I don't like the music.

The thing is, my boyfriend does. It's not the only thing he likes though. He loves country, pop/rock, and Christian like Steven Curtis Chapman, like me. He listens to that a lot more than hard rock and metal.

I guess though that what got to me tonight was that I was looking at the insert to the Alter Bridge CD he got for Christmas. Looking over the lyrics, I realized that almost every song on there was about something sad, or about struggling, or about darkness, or wanting to get out of some kind of pit of despair...I'm really not sure if there's any song on the CD that has a positive message to it. And he LOVES that band. And I kind-of wish he didn't listen to them, or anything like that.

I'm just wondering, am I making too big of a deal out of this? Do I just chalk it up to different preferences? Or do I have a valid concern?

 

[Teufelhund]

Well ask him if he knows the lyrics, there's a fair chance he doesn't. I listen to metal and I very rarely know the lyrics. The lyrics themselves don't really matter as much as the actual musical content.

 

[boyscoutgirl]

I'm just wondering, am I making too big of a deal out of this? Do I just chalk it up to different preferences? Or do I have a valid concern?

I'm dealing with this with my boyfriend, only its the other way around ... he doesn't like some of the music I listen to. I think your first step would be to talk to your boyfriend and make sure he is aware of your concerns and that you understand why he enjoys it so much. Maybe he enjoys the sounds, but not the words. Then maybe you two can work out some sort of compromise if he still wants to listen to his music. What we do is that if I'm at home, I wear headphones when listening to my music, I listen to it in the car when I'm alone, and when we're on trips, I try to find something he can tolerate more, or I make a mix before hand where it has some of mine and his music, but it is mixed up, so there are a few songs I like, a few songs he likes, and the rest are ones we both enjoy.

 

[Blank123]

my boyfriend loves heavy metal too and i'm with you, its definitely not my type of music. it always sets me on edge. Without knowing your bf i can't say for sure, but I doubt it would be affecting him negatively, even if the messages of the songs aren't exactly uplifting. Most likely its just because he genuinely likes the sound of the music. Nothing wrong with that.

if listening to it with him really bothers you i would talk to him about it and just suggest that when you're together the two of you could listen to music you both like and he can save his music just for himself.

 

[Briseis]

My bf listens to rap, and I listen to classical. Rap lyrics are worse than metal. Its usually about sex and murder. I think songs about sadness and despair, regardless of genre, are ok, but not so much murder and sex, and would not personally listen to it. But I know that he is not gonna go out and kill someone. We listen to our music when we are alone, and I assume he will grow out of it one day.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

my boyfriend loves heavy metal too and i'm with you, its definitely not my type of music. it always sets me on edge. Without knowing your bf i can't say for sure, but I doubt it would be affecting him negatively, even if the messages of the songs aren't exactly uplifting. Most likely its just because he genuinely likes the sound of the music. Nothing wrong with that.

if listening to it with him really bothers you i would talk to him about it and just suggest that when you're together the two of you could listen to music you both like and he can save his music just for himself.

Thank you! It's nice to know that you know how I feel. Definitely not my type of music, and just the same as you, it usually sets me on edge. I can even fall into a negative mood as much as I try not to when listening to it with him. And you're right, it really seems to have no effect on him- except that he gets excited about listening to the way the guitar sounds here, or the drums there, or the lead vocalist's voice in another spot.

So I believe I will talk to him the next time he puts one of those CD's in and suggest maybe we listen to something that we both like instead, and that he listen to his hard rock and metal when he's alone or with his brother or buddies- they like it also. I believe he'll understand, and there's plenty that BOTH of us like and can listen to. He already knows I don't like that type of music very much anyhow. And I'll ask him if there's any of mine he'd prefer not listening to, too!

 

[Weasel7711]

So, I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I really dislike most hardcore rock/metal music. The reason is that most of it, to me, sounds very dark, depressing, negative, and even evil. Even if it is a Christian band. Plain and simple, I don't like the music.

The thing is, my boyfriend does. It's not the only thing he likes though. He loves country, pop/rock, and Christian like Steven Curtis Chapman, like me. He listens to that a lot more than hard rock and metal.

I guess though that what got to me tonight was that I was looking at the insert to the Alter Bridge CD he got for Christmas. Looking over the lyrics, I realized that almost every song on there was about something sad, or about struggling, or about darkness, or wanting to get out of some kind of pit of despair...I'm really not sure if there's any song on the CD that has a positive message to it. And he LOVES that band. And I kind-of wish he didn't listen to them, or anything like that.

I'm just wondering, am I making too big of a deal out of this? Do I just chalk it up to different preferences? Or do I have a valid concern?

You cannot force someone to change anything, thats the work of Christ,. If you try to force him to change it will develop into resentment and will be seen as nagging to him. If it is really affecting his life then thats something you should talk to him about but if its just music you don't like and hes still following after Christ there's nothing you can do other than either get over it or find someone who listens to music you approve of.

For instance I am a big fan of Zakk Wylde, Ozzy, NIN, Rage, but my fiance doesn't really enjoy it so I don't listen to it while she's around and theres plenty of music I listen to that she doesn't mind listening to. So find a solution like that.

 

[MissLady]

I know there's stuff my cousin likes that her hubby doesn't and vice versa so he keeps his heavier metal stuff from her usually, and she keeps her country away from him. I respect people who don't want to listen to secular music but I get annoyed when someone goes off on me for my music. I listen to all kinds. Music only corrupts if you let it. Example, my cousin and I listened to Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me" since we were little girls (granted at the time we didn't know what it was about), she was a virgin till marriage and I'm saving myself for marriage. I joke with the lyrics saying that I won't sugar anyone until I become MRS. Innocent.

Also, I have found a lot of music some folks would shy away from to be inspirational. Right now I'm listening to Paul Stanley of KISS' solo album and there's a song on it that it about messing up in a romance and begging forgiveness but every time I listen to it I think about God. I showed a few folks the lyrics and ask em if I'm weird and they said no they can see how I take it that way.

Basically I agree with all the advice here. If it's not making your bf depressed, angry or whatever don't worry about it. Ask him to not listen to it around you if it bothers you and he should respect that.

 

[LonesomeTexan]

expose him to some music that is actually good. Bluegrass/folk/country/classic rock/blues/jazz/classical. There is way too much good music out there for him to be listening to death metal. If he really likes depressing music, there are all sorts of country/bluegrass artists that record hurting songs like no other. If he likes rock, buy him some music that actually rocks (the allman brothers, jimi hendrix, stevie ray vaughn, boston, rush, lynyrd skynyrd, ect...

Also, ask him what Jesus would listen to. I highly doubt Jesus would listen to pity party music mixed in with a bunch of heavily distorted guitar sounds.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

So, I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I really dislike most hardcore rock/metal music. The reason is that most of it, to me, sounds very dark, depressing, negative, and even evil. Even if it is a Christian band. Plain and simple, I don't like the music.

The thing is, my boyfriend does. It's not the only thing he likes though. He loves country, pop/rock, and Christian like Steven Curtis Chapman, like me. He listens to that a lot more than hard rock and metal.

I guess though that what got to me tonight was that I was looking at the insert to the Alter Bridge CD he got for Christmas. Looking over the lyrics, I realized that almost every song on there was about something sad, or about struggling, or about darkness, or wanting to get out of some kind of pit of despair...I'm really not sure if there's any song on the CD that has a positive message to it. And he LOVES that band. And I kind-of wish he didn't listen to them, or anything like that.

I'm just wondering, am I making too big of a deal out of this? Do I just chalk it up to different preferences? Or do I have a valid concern?

You are making waaaay too big of deal out of this...

 

[LonesomeTexan]

why bother even listening to music that doesn't even resemble music? When I hear metal, I hear a bunch of angry/depressed people making a bunch of noise for the sake of attention. It's cool that you recognize that "noise" as music, but I certainly don't hear anything musical about it. While I'm sure there are some melodic metal groups out there, what's the point of listening to such negative lyrical messages? There is so much about life to appreciate, but if you like to hear people dwell on their sorrow, go ahead.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Yes, OP, you are making too big of a deal. If it's a big enough deal to make you question the relationship with him, then you two should not be together. Love isn't about changing someone. Accept it or reject it, and him with it. And Tex, as a fan of the type of music you like and the type her boyfriend likes, we know how you feel about metal, and we're over it. No need to keep on about it.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

Thank you! It's nice to know that you know how I feel. Definitely not my type of music, and just the same as you, it usually sets me on edge. I can even fall into a negative mood as much as I try not to when listening to it with him. And you're right, it really seems to have no effect on him- except that he gets excited about listening to the way the guitar sounds here, or the drums there, or the lead vocalist's voice in another spot.

So I believe I will talk to him the next time he puts one of those CD's in and suggest maybe we listen to something that we both like instead, and that he listen to his hard rock and metal when he's alone or with his brother or buddies- they like it also. I believe he'll understand, and there's plenty that BOTH of us like and can listen to. He already knows I don't like that type of music very much anyhow. And I'll ask him if there's any of mine he'd prefer not listening to, too!

Um, have any you read this since I posted it? Just wondering, because it seems like you have not, or either you've ignored it.

It also sounds as if some of you are jumping to conclusions about this or something. I never said ANYTHING about forcing him to change. I also never said anything questioning the relationship. I do very much accept him and his enjoyment of that kind of music. I'm not going to tell him to stop listening to it; that is his choice. I'd even be willing to listen to some of it and see if there is any that appeals to me. If not, like I said, there's already plenty more out there in different genres and by other artists, that BOTH of us love and can listen to together.

And yeah, I've realized this is not such a big deal either.

 

[LonesomeTexan]

to be complete honest and frank with ya SB, you are probably dating a loser. I've never met a person that liked that type of music that was going anywhere with their life much less was a strong christian. Maybe this guy is an exception to what I've seen. You know him better than I do. Just do your best to show him the way to some better music. Don't let his music choices weigh you down, and move on if you have to.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

to be complete honest and frank with ya SB, you are probably dating a loser. I've never met a person that liked that type of music that was going anywhere with their life much less was a strong christian. Maybe this guy is an exception to what I've seen. You know him better than I do. Just do your best to show him the way to some better music. Don't let his music choices weigh you down, and move on if you have to.

Yes, because anybody who doesn't listen to country or Contemporary Christian is a total idiot and will never amount to anything. Thank you for enlightening us all to this fact! I never knew that a person's spiritual walk was dependant upon the mushic they listened to. Thank you for opening my eyes!

 

[ImperialPhantom]

to be complete honest and frank with ya SB, you are probably dating a loser. I've never met a person that liked that type of music that was going anywhere with their life much less was a strong christian. Maybe this guy is an exception to what I've seen. You know him better than I do. Just do your best to show him the way to some better music. Don't let his music choices weigh you down, and move on if you have to.

Loney, I like country and bluegrass. I like classic rock and southern rock. And when I want to post sometime, on this forum or others, about a great classic rock song or bluegrass song, I will remember you when I'm given the usual white trash stereotypes. You perpetuate it with posts such as this one. Please quit EMBARASSING your fellow country, bluegrass and classic rock fans.

 

[Teufelhund]

to be complete honest and frank with ya SB, you are probably dating a loser. I've never met a person that liked that type of music that was going anywhere with their life much less was a strong christian. Maybe this guy is an exception to what I've seen. You know him better than I do. Just do your best to show him the way to some better music. Don't let his music choices weigh you down, and move on if you have to.

I listen to Death Metal, are you suggesting I am going nowhere with my life? I know several other people who are Marines who listen to death metal are you suggesting that their occupation is less than worthwhile. Sorry about this but I really couldn't resist.

 

[Weasel7711]

to be complete honest and frank with ya SB, you are probably dating a loser. I've never met a person that liked that type of music that was going anywhere with their life much less was a strong christian. Maybe this guy is an exception to what I've seen. You know him better than I do. Just do your best to show him the way to some better music. Don't let his music choices weigh you down, and move on if you have to.

Yes! I LOVE passing judgment on others based on their musical tastes!

 

[LonesomeTexan]

I listen to Death Metal, are you suggesting I am going nowhere with my life? I know several other people who are Marines who listen to death metal are you suggesting that their occupation is less than worthwhile. Sorry about this but I really couldn't resist.

Well, do you think you are a loser? Because really that's all that matters. Don't give me the power to let my opinion get under your skin.

Yes! I LOVE passing judgment on others based on their musical tastes!

I guess people have problems with others being completely honest. Perhaps I came off as judgemental, but I don't see a whole lot of great Christians or people that I would want to associate with that listen to metal. And the metal I'm talking about is the type of stuff that comes on headbangers ball on MTV2. Of course there are always exceptions, but they are few and far between.

 

[LonesomeTexan]

Yes, because anybody who doesn't listen to country or Contemporary Christian is a total idiot and will never amount to anything. Thank you for enlightening us all to this fact! I never knew that a person's spiritual walk was dependant upon the mushic they listened to. Thank you for opening my eyes!

Because that's what the post you quoted totally implied... There are many genres of music that make me sit in awe that God created such wonderful people to make such wonderful music. Metal isn't one of them. To my ears, metal isn't even music or an art form. To me, it's like a painter that randomly splatter paint on a canvas. Some people see it as abstract art, but I see it as a talentless waste of paint. I'm done with this thread. Sorry it got hijacked SB. Yall have a nice day.