How do I get him to?

[zsepthenne]

Ask me out?! I know I'm probably too old to even ask this, but apparently not much changes from high school. He goes to my church and I catch him looking at me, and we have spoken a few times. There's a cafe next door. Help!

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Do you guys have mutual friends? Maybe you could get a couple of other people together and all go out as a group? Or why not just ask him out to coffee or to lunch? I know it still feels like high school - but it's not and you can ask him out if you want to...

 

[zsepthenne]

My church is very small, and they are very busy. Most are married couples, and not enough singles to even try to make it a casual group invite, like "Hey everyone I'm going to the cafe!". I have never asked anyone on a date or anything.... I don't know if I can do this. ARGGHh..

 

[soccerdad66]

Maybe when you strike up a conversation with him, maybe throwing out your schedule, highlighting open spots in your schedule, and how you like going for coffee and just talking and getting to know people over coffee.

Need help with the throwing out your schedule thing, how about "Not much going on this afternoon, I'm thinking about running over to the cafe for coffee, but I'd rather not go myself". Or something like that.

Just one idea.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Good answer Soccerdad. You must be experienced in this huh? J/K Seriously though, it's a great idea you had.

 

[FlatpickingJD]

soccerdad does have a good idea. Understand that a lot of guys (including myself) are pretty dense, and may not catch the hint. But odds are that if he's looking at you during services, he might be more aware of hints you're dropping and is waiting for some sign you're available.

Let us know how it works out!

 

[ido]

Is there anything at all that would give you an excuse to strike up a conversation with him?

 

[soccerdad66]

soccerdad does have a good idea. Understand that a lot of guys (including myself) are pretty dense, and may not catch the hint. But odds are that if he's looking at you during services, he might be more aware of hints you're dropping and is waiting for some sign you're available.

Let us know how it works out!

I can be pretty dense too, but if it's a girl that I find attractive in the least bit, I'll be like, "I'll join ya" just as a reaction, without giving thought to she might be asking me out.

Good point FLN, you'll might want to have a few ones that you want to use, and maybe even roleplay in your mind, so you're not caught offguard then feel like an idiot. That's also something I know about

 

[soccerdad66]

Good answer Soccerdad. You must be experienced in this huh? J/K Seriously though, it's a great idea you had.

I might've had a few dates

 

[ido]

You know - all this talk about men being dense... I still say I'm going to have a shirt made up that says, "You - yeah YOU! I'm interested!" and wear it on a date.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

You know - all this talk about men being dense... I still say I'm going to have a shirt made up that says, "You - yeah YOU! I'm interested!" and wear it on a date.

Could I get one of those?

 

[ido]

Could I get one of those?

Pink, purple, or turquoise?

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Pink, purple, or turquoise?

Purple please

 

[Mark2010]

You know it makes me wonder if there ever might have been a gal, somewhere along the way, who was actually interested in getting to know me, but didn't have the courage to speak up. And, like the majority of men, I'm pretty blind to subtlety. So the t-shirt thing would be a good idea.


I'm not real good at asking people out either. Probably because I got rejected too many times when I was younger and didn't want to make myself vulnerable to the emotional pain of being turned down.

Just the other day, I sort of bumbled my way through asking someone out. Was trying to communicate that I was interested, without putting her on the spot. I figured having lunch or dinner isn't too high pressure, is it?

 

[FlatpickingJD]

You know it makes me wonder if there ever might have been a gal, somewhere along the way, who was actually interested in getting to know me, but didn't have the courage to speak up. And, like the majority of men, I'm pretty blind to subtlety. So the t-shirt thing would be a good idea.

Sounds like it's pretty widespread, us being dense. That's good to know.

I'm not real good at asking people out either. Probably because I got rejected too many times when I was younger and didn't want to make myself vulnerable to the emotional pain of being turned down.

I've felt that way much of my life as well and it's hard to overcome. This next is easy for me to say, but not put in practice: it's only when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable that we will find love. You have to open yourself up to the other person, to take that risk and chance at being hurt in order for the other person to slip between your protective barriers. Then watch out, because that's when God will really blindside you.

Just the other day, I sort of bumbled my way through asking someone out. Was trying to communicate that I was interested, without putting her on the spot. I figured having lunch or dinner isn't too high pressure, is it?

Nope, and it gives something to do with your hands. But about the asking out: you didn't fall over, she didn't laugh, and you survived. The worst that could have happened was she turns you down. Sounds like she didn't. Can you take this experience and move forward with dating or at least asking others out on dates? I think you can, but it's up to you.

 

[ido]

it's only when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable that we will find love. You have to open yourself up to the other person, to take that risk and chance at being hurt in order for the other person to slip between your protective barriers. Then watch out, because that's when God will really blindside you.

QFT I was just pondering this very thought while driving home tonight.

 

[Mark2010]

I'm open. I just don't pursue as much as I did, say, 10 years ago. Most of the people I am interested in seem to be spoken for (married, engaged, dating, etc.).

Wonder what would happen if I went to the local shopping mall for 2-3 hours with a sign reading "Need a date for New Year's Eve?"

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I'm open. I just don't pursue as much as I did, say, 10 years ago. Most of the people I am interested in seem to be spoken for (married, engaged, dating, etc.).

Wonder what would happen if I went to the local shopping mall for 2-3 hours with a sign reading "Need a date for New Year's Eve?"

Try it and videotape it, ok?

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Ask me out?! I know I'm probably too old to even ask this, but apparently not much changes from high school. He goes to my church and I catch him looking at me, and we have spoken a few times. There's a cafe next door. Help!

Try to help him out somehow. Eventually I think it's worth the risk to stick your neck out; but the question is, how far? I had a guy in my single's group who I caught many times staring at me. I eventually got the single's pastor involved (never again) and he told him someone was interested in getting to know him. Eventually he told me he wasn't interested, but he had run it by some of the church women who agreed I was too bold. I was a bit surprised because of all of the staring, but when I asked he let me know that he usually was attracted to a more "athletic" type (too fat at the time apparently). Still have no idea why he kept staring though.

This wasn't my home church and it's big, so I'm not concerned about everyone knowing what happened.

I don't want to discourage you. Face to face is usually a much better medium.

 

[Mark2010]

Try it and videotape it, ok?

Maybe I'll bump into a gal wearing one of those "Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is ..... A MAN!" shirts.