Is your husband a Christian? Imo, this makes a difference. If so, think about the relationship between Christ and the church... we love him because he first loved us by giving himself up for us. While your husband might be "in love" with you, does he actually love you? I would question this if he were not making effort. Still, you don't bully someone you say you love. But if he's trying, that's a good thing, and maybe some day he will learn about how to be nice.
You say you are fighting about a lot of stuff. According to Dr. John Gottman - a leading researcher in the marriage relationship - all couples have a handful of "unresolvable" problems and all the rest are solvable. The trick is to figure out which issues are resolvable, and then proceed to resolve them without being disrespectful. The two of you might want to take a course on respectful conflict resolution, but you both also might want to consider what fighting is....it is an assertion that you are right and should get your own way. Iow, it is driven by "self". If we are to emulate Christ, he became self-less for our sake. Yes, you have the right to assert your needs such as expecting him to help out around the house more. But he has a responsibility to become self-less and meet that need. In the same way, if he has a legitimate need, he has the right to assert it and you have a responsibility to meet it as far as it depends on you. Now, just a rabbit trail - I worked at home for more than a year, and I can tell you that just because I was at home, I had friends calling, and a lot of expectation from my family to continue doing everything here as though I was not working. It became very difficult for me to balance work hours compared to home hours. So if your husband is at home, don't expect to come home to dinner on the table. Let him work his hours, and then both of you pitch in during the evening.
So Dr. Gottman talks about solving your solvable issues, but he also talks about how to manage your few unresolvable issues. Those are those pieces that will simply never change, and each time they come up, the best you can hope for is managing them well enough to survive them. For example, my husband is a cat man and I'm a dog woman. Two pets at the same time is highly unlikely, so to resolve this issue, we had to figure out how to manage it. I want a dog, he wants a cat.... both are motivated by self, so the first thing you both need to ask yourselves is if there is anything in the argument you are being selfish about. If so, are you willing to put your spouse's needs or wants ahead of your own? If not, move on to the next step. List your negotiables and your non-negotiables. For me, a non-negotiable is that I do want a small dog, but the negotiable is when we actually get that small dog. My husband's non-negotiable is he wanted a cat, and he was also willing to negotiate when and what that might look like. So we then put our heads together, we talked it out, and I decided that since he had to give away his two cats in order to move here to be with me (he already made a sacrifice for my sake), we would get a cat first for his sake. When the cat dies, we will go and get a dog. We did not resolve the initial issue that I want a dog, but we negotiated a resolution to get us through that initial problem of whether to get a dog or cat. In that situation it was not about either/or, but rather how to work it out so we both "win."
I know that does not address your desire to "feel" love towards your husband. But I will tell you this... once you are both able to manage your disagreements more respectfully and selflessly, you will gradually find your resentment dissipating and maybe even friendship will replace it. But you both must be willing to work on that same goal of getting along. If you are interested in finding a Gottman-certified therapiest, you can send me a PM and I can direct you to find one in your area.
Be patient.... as your husband puts in the effort and you work to be aware of his effort and his changes, and as you yourself adapt to his ways, you may find some loving "feelings."
