How do I deal with my son being bisexual?

[rmora82]

I am in need of some help...my son just told me that he is bisexual, last night and that he knows this is something God does not approve of, he was tearful and told me he does not want this but that he has feelings for a boy at school and that boy also admitted to having feeling for him. I am so scared I dont want my son to find liking to the same sex, he says he has prayed for this to go away but he still is having these feelings. As a parent I love him and cannot judge him but at the same time this is something I do not want for my child. I told him that he needs to stay away from this boy to fight the temptation of being close to him but again he says he has feelings for this boy and he said he will think about it. What can I do? He is young and has never had any type of relationship if possible I want to help him before he starts experiencing with boys. PLEASE HELP!!!

 

[saved24]

Praying for you.

 

[singpeace]

I am in need of some help...my son just told me that he is bisexual, last night and that he knows this is something God does not approve of, he was tearful and told me he does not want this but that he has feelings for a boy at school and that boy also admitted to having feeling for him. I am so scared I dont want my son to find liking to the same sex, he says he has prayed for this to go away but he still is having these feelings. As a parent I love him and cannot judge him but at the same time this is something I do not want for my child. I told him that he needs to stay away from this boy to fight the temptation of being close to him but again he says he has feelings for this boy and he said he will think about it. What can I do? He is young and has never had any type of relationship if possible I want to help him before he starts experiencing with boys. PLEASE HELP!!!

It is my belief that bisexual and homosexual tendencies are the same as any other kind of temptation. Some have strong temptations to steal or to lie ... we are all born with a sin nature.

Keep praying for him and show him scripture concerning his particular temptations.

Keep loving him and keep reaching out for others to pray. Here are scriptures dealing with sexual sins:

1 Corinthians 10:8
We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day. (ESV)

Galatians 5:19
When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures ... (NLT)

Ephesians 4:19
Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. (NIV)

Ephesians 5:3
Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God's people. (NLT)

1 Thessalonians 4:3–7
God's will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. (NLT)

1 Peter 4:1–3
Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. (ESV)


Here is a website I hope will be helpful for you and your son. GOD BLESS YOU!!!

| Kimberly Daniels' Prayers Against Homosexuality

 

[Sketcher]

If he likes both women and men, it is clear that he has a choice over which to get together with. However, do not go overboard with either judgment or justification for him. Rather, remind him that he has a choice over whether he will pursue and develop feelings for someone or not. Especially if he catches them early enough. Encourage relationships with girls (he likes those too, right?) but no more than friendship with boys. The more he thinks about girls, the better. Concentrating on the opposite sex can push out weak desires for the same sex.

Is his father in his life? What does he know about this, what does he think about this, what has he told your son?

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

I am in need of some help...my son just told me that he is bisexual, last night and that he knows this is something God does not approve of, he was tearful and told me he does not want this but that he has feelings for a boy at school and that boy also admitted to having feeling for him. I am so scared I dont want my son to find liking to the same sex, he says he has prayed for this to go away but he still is having these feelings. As a parent I love him and cannot judge him but at the same time this is something I do not want for my child. I told him that he needs to stay away from this boy to fight the temptation of being close to him but again he says he has feelings for this boy and he said he will think about it. What can I do? He is young and has never had any type of relationship if possible I want to help him before he starts experiencing with boys. PLEASE HELP!!!

Sadly, this is all too common today and even our appauling Mass Media encourages experimentation in this area of illicit sexuality. We live in a very permissive hedonistic Society with large groups of peers being readily available to cheer your Son onward.

If i were you as his Dad, I would have a very loving, tactful talk about the various kinds of love and allow him to see how perversion can start to occur when Phileo Love is substituted for Eros Love . The other Love type is : Agape. So...get real familair with each term so you can explain it in simple language at his age level.

I would also have him sit down with your Pastor or Professional whos had experience getting young people over this issue . It needs to be done carefully so the boy doesnt feel a ton of condemnation thru the process...yet it needs to be done .

I would encourage confidental open talk between you both so he can freely express his feelings regarding the issue . Keeping communication lines open between you both is vital .

Very importantly, ask God to take away his urge for same sex attraction. And when the time is right, pray with him too out loud so it becomes a Team effort . This experience will draw you both together and at least he will know hes got a support system with the most important person in his earthly life.

 

[Albion]

While I don't recommend grilling a young person about such things, he is very young, has been open to you about his feelings, and you say that this is his first "relationship." All that being taken into consideration, I think you are right to want to take some action. For starters, I'd find out what "has feelings for" means exactly. He most likely does not have a clear picture about what the gay lifestyle entails.

 

[johndoo]

Show love.
Be concerned about his mental health
Accept him as you son regardless.
Ask if he would like to see a family counselor ( therapist).

 

[aiki]

I am in need of some help...my son just told me that he is bisexual, last night and that he knows this is something God does not approve of, he was tearful and told me he does not want this but that he has feelings for a boy at school and that boy also admitted to having feeling for him.

"Feelings come and feelings go,
And feelings are deceiving."

So goes the beginning of the famous quotation from Martin Luther. I think he's absolutely right. Feelings are often notoriously deceiving. Satan knows this. He knows it very well, which is why he works to manipulate thought and feeling together in order to decieve us. You need to teach your boy that the Deciever, the Father of Lies, is working to deceive him and through deception hoping to bring him to ruin. The real issue isn't about sexual orientation, but about whether or not to embrace a lie. Your son's feeling for this other boy is a lie - a terribly destructive manipulation right from the devil himself. Protect your son by teaching him the truth about Satan and his evil wiles that lure people into sin and death. Pray for your son. Most of all make very sure you (and your husband) are walking rightly with God. The two of you are to be a spiritual shield of protection for your children. If one or both of you are not walking rightly with God, you open a door through which the demonic will attack your children.

I am so scared I dont want my son to find liking to the same sex, he says he has prayed for this to go away but he still is having these feelings.

God doesn't just make all our spiritual struggles against our great Enemy the devil vanish. We learn to fight spiritually and to stand strong against the devil's assaults only by facing them and enduring them in God's power. This is what you need to pray for: strength to stand, not to escape the battle entirely.

As a parent I love him and cannot judge him

What do you mean you "cannot judge him"?

but at the same time this is something I do not want for my child. I told him that he needs to stay away from this boy to fight the temptation of being close to him but again he says he has feelings for this boy and he said he will think about it. What can I do?

YOU are the PARENT. You tell him how things are going to go; don't wait on him to "think about it." He is a child and as such vulnerable, and foolish, and in need of your guidance and protection. Be the parent and take whatever steps you must to help alleviate the pressure of your son's demonically-manipulated feelings. Change schools, or home school, if you must, but do what you have to do to curb the progression of the deception Satan's demonic agents are foisting upon your son.

He is young and has never had any type of relationship if possible I want to help him before he starts experiencing with boys. PLEASE HELP!!!

See above. Again, I can't emphasize enough how important it is for you as his parent to be serving as his spiritual shield. Don't be careless in your own walk with the Lord! (I'm not saying that you are, mind you. It's a "if the show fits, wear it" sort of remark.)

Selah.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

Sadly, this is all too common today and even our appauling Mass Media encourages experimentation in this area of illicit sexuality. We live in a very permissive hedonistic Society with large groups of peers being readily available to cheer your Son onward.

If i were you as his Dad, I would have a very loving, tactful talk about the various kinds of love and allow him to see how perversion can start to occur when Phileo Love is substituted for Eros Love . The other Love type is : Agape. So...get real familair with each term so you can explain it in simple language at his age level.

I would also have him sit down with your Pastor or Professional whos had experience getting young people over this issue . It needs to be done carefully so the boy doesnt feel a ton of condemnation thru the process...yet it needs to be done .

I would encourage confidental open talk between you both so he can freely express his feelings regarding the issue . Keeping communication lines open between you both is vital .

Very importantly, ask God to take away his urge for same sex attraction. And when the time is right, pray with him too out loud so it becomes a Team effort . This experience will draw you both together and at least he will know hes got a support system with the most important person in his earthly life.

no amount of experiementation could turn a person from straight to gay, gay to straight, straigt to bi, or gay to bi.

secondly God can take away his urges, sure, but does that happen very often?

well i am tired going into topic like that over and over again with people who have not live through this type experience.

my advice to the OP is to pray, by all means,and keep your doors open, but also prepare to love your son if God does grant your prayer.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

I have posted a thread http://www.christianforums.com/t7765180/ a while back you may find interesting.

it is an article written by this woman who ended up losing her gay son due to bunch of judgemental BS seh has received from her church.

one thing you need to remember is many people on here dont care about your son, what they cares about is judging homosexuality or bi sexuality, they dont care about what is in your son's best interest, but then again, you are his mother, it is your job to protect your son from people like that, fiercely!

i strong advice you to read through this article carefully from a woman who had first hand experience on how to deal with this type of situation and how not to

God Bless

 

[rmora82]

Thank you all for your words this helped very much, getting together the right words to say to him.

Unfortunately, me and his father are divorced and he calls him once in awhile but not on a regular basis. I am a single parent.

It crushed me when he told me. I did not let my emotions show how I really felt, I let him know that regardless of his decisions I still loved him for who he is. He is very much aware that it is wrong, well at least that is what he is telling me, and that is why he doesnt want to be this way, but he seems to be struggling with the feelings that he has for this other boy.

I dont know what to do, the school he is in is a school that is really hard to get in, it is not like any other high school. He had to apply there which also required a very high grade point average, he is wanting to be a doctor, he had to do very extensive extra curricular work to be able to get into the high school he is in now, so as you can see switching him schools is not a very easy task to do, not to mention that I feel that if I do this he will end up rebelling towards me in order to see him.

Very tough situation I know, and again I thank you all for your words it really did help...

 

[Dunban]

How old is he?

 

[rmora82]

He is 14

 

[Dunban]

He is 14

That's what I thought. It's probably a phase.

 

[Girder of Loins]

1. It most definitely NOT a phase.

2. You can support him without supporting what he does.

To set the record straight(tongue in cheek), I am gay. But that doesn't mean I'm out there finding guys on craigslist or sneaking out of my parent's house to see a boyfriend. If you respect him, he will respect you. As long as he is respectful of you, he will respect your rules. Set some boundaries and see where this goes. Stay active and be positive! Don't send judgement or condemnation his way, he is already bringing that upon himself. I tried killing myself twice because of how much stress I put on myself to change. You don't want that on your son, do you? He is early on in his life, and while this may be a "phase", don't treat it like that. No need to go overboard and try to "change" him, either.

 

[Dunban]

1. It most definitely NOT a phase.

2. You can support him without supporting what he does.

To set the record straight(tongue in cheek), I am gay. But that doesn't mean I'm out there finding guys on craigslist or sneaking out of my parent's house to see a boyfriend. If you respect him, he will respect you. As long as he is respectful of you, he will respect your rules. Set some boundaries and see where this goes. Stay active and be positive! Don't send judgement or condemnation his way, he is already bringing that upon himself. I tried killing myself twice because of how much stress I put on myself to change. You don't want that on your son, do you? He is early on in his life, and while this may be a "phase", don't treat it like that. No need to go overboard and try to "change" him, either.

And how do you know this? You know the son of the OP? How did you meet?

She didn't say gay, she said bi. That's not the same thing at all.

Suicide amongst homosexuals is very common, especially in the teen years. I guess Christians would rather have a dead son than a living, gay son. That is sad.

 

[aiki]

Some of those advising you on this thread have already adopted the lie that they are homosexual. Instead of taking the Bible as their starting point in understanding this lie concerning sexuality, they have chosen to let the World (and, I think, the devil) persuade them they are homosexual. In the end, many find it easier to concede to the pressure of the lies with which Satan is assaulting them than to stand and fight, and endure the battle necessary to experiencing spiritual victory. I suspect this choice has a great deal to do with them not knowing how to wage spiritual warfare.

If you treat the situation lightly, your son will too. In some measure he will take his cue from you in this matter. Playing it cool and making like his feelings are harmless is a profound mistake. Freaking out about it isn't any better. Be calm but very sober about this issue. All sin carries the penalty of death - and not just eternal death in hell, but death of joy, of peace, of one's fellowship with God, of human relationships, of health mentally, emotionally, and physically, and so on. There is a great deal to lose this side of eternity when we choose to sin. Your son needs to know this.

You need to equip your son to combat the wiles of the devil against which we all battle daily. Telling him to stop feeling what he is feeling is not useful. Showing him how to stand on God's truth and to use the "Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God" is vital in re-orienting his thinking and his feelings.

Ephesians 6:10-13
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.
11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

1 Peter 5:8-9
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.

James 4:7
7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,
5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,

It is interesting how the threat of suicide is employed to get you to compromise on the issue of homosexuality. Apparently, if you don't let your boy embrace the lie of homosexuality your boy may kill himself and it'll all be on you if he does. I can see the devil in this sort of manipulation very clearly. I hope you can, too.

Selah.

 

[Dunban]

^Scaring him isn't going to make him not be bisexual anymore.

 

[Girder of Loins]

And how do you know this? You know the son of the OP? How did you meet?

Bringing sarcasm to a discussion doesn't start you on a good foot.

I was merely stating my opinion based on the preconceptions of most people that bisexuality and homosexuality are "phases" rather than real orientations. While some people may not be able to handle the emotional changes happening around puberty, that is rarer than being driven towards their natural orientation. If a straight kid hits puberty, he's gonna go "gaga" over the ladies. If he is gay, he'll go "gaga" over the boys. I'm using the evidences on hand to come to a conclusion. If you listened to the end of my post, you'll notice I leave room for it actually being a phase.

She didn't say gay, she said bi. That's not the same thing at all.

Okay... You're straight(or I'm assuming). So why are you posting here? And the struggles I have gone through line up very well with what a bisexual would struggle with, as the social pressures exist on the same level. While we are different, a lot of the feelings and pressures placed on us are the same.

Suicide amongst homosexuals is very common, especially in the teen years. I guess Christians would rather have a dead son than a living, gay son. That is sad.

I agree.

 

[GoodSpeed1]

I am in need of some help...my son just told me that he is bisexual, last night and that he knows this is something God does not approve of, he was tearful and told me he does not want this but that he has feelings for a boy at school and that boy also admitted to having feeling for him. I am so scared I dont want my son to find liking to the same sex, he says he has prayed for this to go away but he still is having these feelings. As a parent I love him and cannot judge him but at the same time this is something I do not want for my child. I told him that he needs to stay away from this boy to fight the temptation of being close to him but again he says he has feelings for this boy and he said he will think about it. What can I do? He is young and has never had any type of relationship if possible I want to help him before he starts experiencing with boys. PLEASE HELP!!!

My dear I am sorry.
I would like to clear up a few things for you from a guy that has served in the military, taken martial arts and been in street fights w biker gangs (no joke) -- srry but just to say I am NOT gay.
If you look back in history at for example the Spartans - they took male lovers. I am not convinced it is all that difficult to have relations with the same sex. This is easy for me to say as I am not in your shoes -- but pray and I will pray that he returns to a heterosexual path. If he does not - lets BOTH pray for him to be loved by YOU and by everyone else and be happy.
I am telling you that what is important here is that he knows you stick with him ... I think this is very important.