How do I become less judgemental?

[chi_cchick]

Last night, the sermon at Church was about removing judgement from your life and the lives around you.

I never considered myself judgmental, because I don't gossip and I don't ''throw stones'' at people, but I do spend a lot of time feeling concerned about other peoples relationships with God and their actions.

I have a friend that I felt was sinning really badly, and that would probably eventually get into a lot of trouble if she continues in her way, and I have been asking people to pray for her, without being too specific about what was going on.

I also said this to a friend, before the service:

''i have trouble believing we are supposed to just ignore peoples sin''

and

''This woman was really rude to me earlier, she came up to me and demanded the tv at a certain time without saying please or anything, and I feel annoyed about it. I wonder how i can forgive her. Sometimes when I want or need something and have to request something I get really anxious and can come off as being really rude, I wonder if that's what happened to her? I had about 3-4 people being rude to me in the space of an hour earlier today after I'd discovered lots of great things about God, it makes me wonder if it was a Satanic attack or something.''

and this one mostly:

''I feel quite worried about most Christians, like they are missing really obvious things of the bible. Sometimes I think i will be in heaven by myself, or that no one stands a chance of getting there because we are all so bad. Some things are just so obvious, why do people miss those things? or people don't seem to care about doing right by god, like I am determined to marry the person God picked out for me, and it seems like other people don't care about stuff like that and I don't understand how they can be Christian and not care. It blows my mind. I guess I'm a bit of a perfectionist, I want to do everything right.''


The pastor said not to even acknowledge people's sin or go to God in prayer about it. He said to thank God for that person, and ask for them to be blessed.

This seems wrong to me. What do you think?

Can we stop judging people but still act like we care about their well being and what they are getting up to? Can't we tell God anything?

The pastor basically said that God is already aware of people's sin, and that he is the only one with the power to influence and change their thoughts and behavior, so we are wasting our time trying to push him.

Extra:

Also, I thought judging was like saying ''oh you did that, you deserve...'' or ''you're a...'' or ''you did that because...'' (without really knowing why, just making assumptions).

How can I become less judgemental? I feel like I need to change all of my thought processes and half the things I say, it's going to be an uphill battle!

 

[Harry3142]

There are two types of judgmentalism. There is the judgmentalism that is linked with elitism, and whose practitioners see themselves as superior to everyone else. Contempt for others is often seen in such people, and it has been known to cause serious dissensions and factions in churches.

The answer to this kind of judgmentalism is for us to realize that God does not okay certain sins while condemning others. Instead, he demands absolute perfection, so no one is fit to enter his kingdom if left to their own devices. The reason for his Son's needing to come among us as the perfect sacrifice of atonement was to earn on our behalf the righteousness which we could never attain through our own efforts:

Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished - he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. (Romans 3:19-26,NIV)

By our recognizing that the righteousness which assures us of eternal life is not our righteousness, but instead God's own righteousness, which he freely gives to all who accept Jesus' sacrifice of atonement, we nullify the "I'm better than you are" attitude which fosters elitism and contempt for others. Instead, we accept that our salvation must come as a gift, because we can never do enough to make it be a salary.

The second form of judgmentalism involves our recognizing that certain actions and motivations are sinful, and so to be avoided, while other actions and motivations are righteous, and so to be practiced. Jesus Christ himself taught his disciples that there were actions and motivations which they were to recognize as making them 'unclean', and therefore to be shunned:

He went on, "What comes out of a man is what makes him 'unclean.' For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.' " (The Gospel of St. Mark 7:20-23,NIV)

As well, St. Paul instructed Christians that they were to shun those who claimed to be fellow Christians, but practiced what was forbidden for Christians to engage in (note that he also instructed Christians that they were not to judge those who were nonbelievers. That was for God alone to do):

I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people - not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. (I Corinthians 5:9-13a,NIV)

Even here we are not to see ourselves as superior to others. Rather, we are to see the deliberate practicing of evil by those who would have us accept them as fellow Christians as being akin to a little yeast added to the baking of a loaf of bread. Just as that yeast affects the entire loaf, that evil can affect an entire congregation if left unchecked.

 

[Emmy]

Dear chi_cchick. Jesus told us to " treat others as we would love to be treated,"
(Matthew 22: 35-40 we just keep doing that. We may be sure that those
judgmental men and women will sooner or later, become an object of criticism.
Let God deal with it, we will always reap, what we sow. I say this with love,
chi_cchick. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[parsley]

The pastor said not to even acknowledge people's sin or go to God in prayer about it. He said to thank God for that person, and ask for them to be blessed.

Not scriptural. Read through the prophets and try to come to the same conclusion-- God does not ignore sin, but offers reprieve. He paid the price to redeem us, because we let sin take over.

Still, we live in an age where people are terribly critical of each other, and that needs to be addressed. It is not about judgment/discernment, but what come out of our mouths. Do we act maturely, out of love... or with intent to annihilate.

With situations like the TV, you were generous and trusting, expecting everyone to operate on the same premise of kindness. When they didn't, you took it personally. But if you watch these pushy individuals operate, they do it to everyone, all the time -- it's not you they're thinking of, but themselves. They live in their own worlds.

Rise above it, keep your cool, and learn who you need to be a little more assertive with.

 

[1watchman]

When one is offensive to you, it might help to just say: I'm sorry I offended you, I didn't mean to; then leave them to let them think about it. God will teach them, if they are teachable. We all ultimately have to answer to God, not us. In the Church the overseers and pastors will in time see the need to speak to one who is going contrary to assembly values. Look up always!

 

[aiki]

The pastor said not to even acknowledge people's sin or go to God in prayer about it. He said to thank God for that person, and ask for them to be blessed.

This seems wrong to me. What do you think?

As Parsley said, what your pastor taught is unbiblical. Compare his comment to the following:

John 7:24
24 Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.

1 Corinthians 5:11-13
11 But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner--not even to eat with such a person.
12 For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside?
13 But those who are outside God judges. Therefore "put away from yourselves the evil person."

1 Timothy 5:20
20 Those who are sinning rebuke in the presence of all, that the rest also may fear.

Titus 1:13-14
13 This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith,
14 not giving heed to Jewish fables and commandments of men who turn from the truth.

And so on. Clearly, your pastor's urging to avoid judging is unscriptural.

The pastor basically said that God is already aware of people's sin, and that he is the only one with the power to influence and change their thoughts and behavior, so we are wasting our time trying to push him.

Again, this isn't biblical. God's Word sharply contradicts this teaching. See above.

How can I become less judgemental? I feel like I need to change all of my thought processes and half the things I say, it's going to be an uphill battle!

Distinguishing good from bad, sin from righteousness, truth from error is essential to Christian living. You ought to work to establish and increase your capacity to judge accurately between these things. In contrast, having a condemning spirit that emanates from pride you must avoid carefully. Such a spirit is not of Christ. If you struggle with such an attitude, the resolution to the struggle is not found in your human abilities but in God's divine power.


Selah.

 

[1watchman]

There is a difference between what you or I should do and think, and what the Church must do as to sins and waywardness. Sin, which is evil (not necessarily wickedness ---note Eccl. 8:13) must not be allowed to continue in the Assembly, and should be dealt with by the overseers (Matt. 18:17-18). You and I need to first show grace and seek restoration, and if that fails it may need to go to the Church. God's Word must prevail rather than our reasoning.

 

[tturt]

Chi_cchick, This Scripture helped me a lot "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." Matt 7:2

Or put another way "For the way you judge others is how you will be judged — the measure with which you measure out will be used to measure to you." CJB