How did you end up unequally yoked?

[confused&discouraged]

i have been married for four years. i was not born again when i got married. i have been in church for about a year and a half. my husband is just my hardest test. when i read the bible, pray, or even listen to anything about God he will get up and leave the room and make some snide comment about it. i am at the point that i have to make a decision for God. i am beggining to grow and move forward and i feel like it is time for me to step out and do what God has intended for me to do---but, i feel like my husband is holding me back.
i also in the last year have by the grace of God had my two children follow me in my path with God. one is 16 and the other 7. but, again, my husband tries to discourage them too.
any advice

 

[calianne]

That is definitely a tough situation. But please do not give up hope. I have a couple of stories that might encourage you.

 

[calianne]

One of my close friends had parents that got married as agnostics. The relationship went well for a while, but eventually took a sour turn. Due to repeated fighting, the couple were seriously looking into a divorce. Frustrated after a particularly bad fight, the husband went out to fly his plane--a hobby that he often found relaxing. While he was flying, something in the control panel broke, and the plane crashed. He nearly died.

 

[calianne]

While he was in the hospital, his wife began to seriously think over her life and the meaning of it all. She took a long walk that day, and during that time gave her life to Jesus Christ. At first she was almost scared to tell her husband, but after several weeks of his recovery time, she finally told him about her decision. He told her she was ignorant and blind.

 

[calianne]

Yet, God was working in her heart and helping her to grow day by day. Though her husband was very skeptical, he couldn't help but notice the changes in her. The wasy she truly seemed to love him...something different than before. Each day, while the husband was at work, she would go in and pray for his salvation with the secretary of the office in which he worked, who was a Christian and I believe a member of her church. For a loooooooong time, this seemed to be yielding nothing but skepticism and hurtful remarks. However...

 

[calianne]

After a year of doing this and serving the Lord in the household, one afternoon the wife went to her husband's office building as usual. She was greeted excitedly by her secretary friend and led to her husband's office where she was told to peek in the window. A pastor visiting men and women in the office was talking to him, and he was listening with intense interest.

 

[calianne]

After another two months, her husband also gave his life to Christ. Today they are both strong believers and ministers in my community.

 

[calianne]

God is allowing you to go through a great trial. "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 YOu sound like a beautiful person, and God is using this hard time in your life to make you even more beautiful. Also, "Haven't I commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." God loves you so much and is proud of you for doing the right thing in such a hard situation. He knows that it is hard, and is excited that you are standing up and persevering through this.

 

[calianne]

Please know that even if your husband is being hard-hearted toward the Father, you are allowing Christ to do a beautiful thing in your household through you. I am no counselor, but I am here to be a sister. I will gladly pray for you if you would like me to.

 

[calianne]

Don't let Satan take your joy away from you. He knows that you are doing good things in your house, and is therefore trying to discourage your efforts in any way that he can. In my experience, the best way that I have found to fight this, is to simply turn to God even more than before. Sometimes I feel like that almost isn't possible, but then God does something amazing and I come closer still.

 

[calianne]

I don't know if my words have offered any comfort, but I pray that they have offered you hope. And hey, just because it's nice to hear it sometimes...Jesus loves you. Dearly. You are the most precious being to him. You are His child, one whom he dearly loves. Allow yourself to be filled with that. It's what keeps me going.

 

[calianne]

ha ha ha. I am sorry for typing so much...you are probably sick of reading all this, but I just wanted to say one other thing. God would never put you in a situation that He can't handle. He understands what you are going through, and is asking you to turn to Him to move on. With God, NOTHING can hold you back. You sound like a very strong person. I believe that God will continue to do great things through you in your household and throughout all of your life.

 

[confused&discouraged]

thanks for all your encouragement. yes, i would really appreciate it if you would pray for me and my family. thank you

 

[usatxmom]

A wonderful forum. And such a relief to read about similar situations.

I've been married for 24 years and known my husband for 29. I don't KNOW where all the time went!

I met him at 16 and married him at 21. We had kids at 29. At the time, way back when, all I knew was the comfort and security of a wonderful person and sweet young man. I had grown up in the church but my experiences there were not the best and the young men there were AWFUL. When I met my dh, he was so different from everything I had known, I fell head over heels.

I did not think about the church differences until long after we were married. I grow up so use to God in my life that I did not think anything could come between me and God. However, there have been some very dark, terrible times for me emotionally and spiritually because my husband is not a believer.

For many years, I resisted him and his worldly views and then slowly started slipping. It was just too hard to keep resisting him. I allowed myself to be pulled and stretched farther and farther away from my Jesus until the rope snapped and I was let loose. I know that Jesus must of wept when I finally gave up and gave in to my husband's material and sinful desires. For over 10 years, I put blinders on my eyes and hardened my heart against what I knew to be right. The things I have done and been talked into are some of my lowest, darkest times.

Now, I'm clawing and fighting my way back and it is so hard. It is so hard to explain to my dh why I won't do those things now. How it is killing me. And he is so mad, and he pouts and he ignores me trying to get me to return to it. Oh, most of the time we are "fine" but it is not the relationship I need. I need man strong in his faith who puts God first.

But, I made my own bed and I now will have to deal with the wrinkles and dirt. I would tell anyone thinking of marrying an unbeliever not to. I would not wish the tight rope walk on anyone!

 

[tonya]

WELL...DON'T REALLY KNOW IF THIS COUNTS..MY BOYFRIEND AND I WERE BOTH RAISED IN CHRISTIAN HOMES)BAPTIST)...WE WER BOTH SAVED AT A YOUNG AGE...WE BOTH GOR OUT OF THE WILL OF GOD...WE BOTH LED A PRETTY WILD LIFE..DRINKING PARTYING...YOU GET THE PIC?? I STARTED GOING BACK TO CHURCH...HE DID NOT..THEN OUR DAUGHTER WAS BORN..SHE ID 21 MO. OLD..SHE AND I GO TO CHURCH..HE STILL DOES NOT. HE WILL GO FOR MOTHER'S DAY AND STUFF LIKE THAT BUT NOT ALL THE TIME. I PRAY FOR HIM AND CONTINUALLY QUOTE THE SCRIPTURE ABOUT BEING TRAINED UP AS THE WAY ONE SHOULD GO AS A CHILD AND THEN WHEN THEY ARE OLD THEY WILL NOT DEPAET FROM IT...ANY ADVICE??

 

[dallasguy]

I'm a first time guest on here and was hoping for some Christian advice. I'm a 43 year-old divorcee, was married to a "Christian" woman who was unfaithful. I'm now single and have met an incredible woman who has strong beliefs about marriage , committment, loyalty and other values that were missing from my previous marriage. This woman's thoughts on marriage, values and morality are everything I could ever dream of...but she is Muslum. I'm very torn. My first wife claimed she was a Christian and was unfaithful and decietful, this new woman is ten times the woman my ex was but she is Muslum. She accepts me being a Christian and wants me to accept her being a Muslum. She's an incredible woman but I'm not sure if this is right. I'm looking for some opinions out there??

 

[SuzQ]

Hi everyone!

This very topic is the reason I recently joined CF & have already PM'd another u-y wife who has been supportive & friendly to me. I feel like God led me to a wonderful place, as I've also felt lonely lately - especially after Easter. I take it so seriously & my husband doesn't, even though he tries & supports me. This is a long story.....

That is why I say this is a GOOD story. My husband & I met 15 years ago & were best friends. Through a miracle, we found each other after 10 years (both divorced) & started writing to get to know each other again. However, I had a boyfriend & he had a girlfriend so we once again lost touch for a year. I had a lot of struggles in my past: drugs/drinking, divorce, an abusive boyfriend, and even a suicide attempt. Shortly after the latter, I too, came to the Lord after reading "A Power For Living" & could not believe my Father would forgive me, but I know He did. I truly knew what the meaning of "reborn" is now! It's like Jesus turned on the light!!

After I embraced my new Christian life, my husband came back into my life. Here's the hard part - I prayed & prayed & prayed for God to send me & my son a wonderful man in our lives. Out of the blue, my now-husband sent me a message, wanting to talk again. We were both single (I was out of my abusive relationship, he & his girlfriend had gone seperate ways the year before). We realized that we've ALWAYS loved one another & had a soul-connection that we just could not have with others. Of course, I let him know I was now a Christian. He was "open-minded" about Christianity & at least believed in God. However, he is not saved. Again, I prayed hard about it, especially after he proposed to me months later! At the time, I never felt so sure about anything before. I thought to myself, "If he is not the one in God's plan for me, why does he keep popping back into my life....and right NOW???" It wasn't making sense! But, my ultimate decision came from prayer & the knowledge that I had years of complete trust in this man & his unselfish love for me, my son, and everyone around him. He was my best friend way before we started dating, so I knew we could talk about ANYTHING.

I'm not advocating that a Christian should go ahead & marry a non-Christian! Please don't read this & move forward with a relationship thinking it's ok with God. Especially with someone you haven't known for long. This is more of an inspiration to already married, un-equally yoked wives!!!

Although I married him & felt wonderful about it (as did our families who all said, "It was about time"!)....I begun to read more about the bible passages regarding instructions to not be "unequally yoked". I started to worry that maybe I had done the wrong thing & displeased God. I asked for forgiveness. In the midst of this, my husband decided he wanted to support me & my son's "religion" and go to church as a family. Since then, he has experienced many "mini-miracles" (our Pastor tried to make his point once in a sermon by using "Monty Python's Holy Grail" movie & my husband lifted his head in complete surprise - it's his favorite movie of all time!). He has even gone to see "The Passion of the Christ" with me, knowing it was important. Ladies, I see it in his face - he's slowly, slowly starting to question his agnostic belief in only God & nothing else. He's even asked me a question or two, out of the blue, about what's in the Bible, what Jesus taught, etc. I know now that God wanted me to marry him for a REASON. Not for me to convert him, (that's His job) but for him to have someone he loves & trusts open him up to this world. God is working on him, I feel it in my heart. It does get lonely because I want him to be a Christian tomorrow, even though it make take years!! I am bursting to share my amazing Christian experience with him, and for him to be able relate. I can't help feeling how influential he would be to others around him that look up to him, etc.

Anywho, sorry for the long story. A wonderful website to read for further encouragement is childoflight.org. It's helped me already, in so many ways, especially the "Misconceptions". I look forward to hearing other's stories & encouraging one another in being patient & prayerful about our "lost, but loved" husbands!

God bless y'all! ~Suz

 

[pete56]

I'm a first time guest on here and was hoping for some Christian advice. I'm a 43 year-old divorcee, was married to a "Christian" woman who was unfaithful. I'm now single and have met an incredible woman who has strong beliefs about marriage , committment, loyalty and other values that were missing from my previous marriage. This woman's thoughts on marriage, values and morality are everything I could ever dream of...but she is Muslum. I'm very torn. My first wife claimed she was a Christian and was unfaithful and decietful, this new woman is ten times the woman my ex was but she is Muslum. She accepts me being a Christian and wants me to accept her being a Muslum. She's an incredible woman but I'm not sure if this is right. I'm looking for some opinions out there??

Dallasguy

My advice to you, for what it is worth, is be very very careful!

As one who is in a marriage to a partner who is not a believer I know the strains that it puts on our marriage. But my understanding of the Muslim faith, which is not extensive, is that Islam does not tolerate other faiths! I think a marriage of this mix is going to be a prime target for divorce.

Sorry to be so negative DG, but you asked.

Keep praying, keep the faith and wait for God's chosen partner.

GBY

Pete

 

[SirKenin]

I love my fiance for who she is, and I don't feel "unequally yoked" in the Bible is referring to relationships anyways, as opposed to churches.

I don't go into a relationship judging her by whether she's a Christian or not, and dumping her if she's not. It's God's job to judge people. I just date them.

If God didn't want it, Paul would not have stood up for it, but he did. That tells me something

 

[Milla]

I'm a first time guest on here and was hoping for some Christian advice. I'm a 43 year-old divorcee, was married to a "Christian" woman who was unfaithful. I'm now single and have met an incredible woman who has strong beliefs about marriage , committment, loyalty and other values that were missing from my previous marriage. This woman's thoughts on marriage, values and morality are everything I could ever dream of...but she is Muslum. I'm very torn. My first wife claimed she was a Christian and was unfaithful and decietful, this new woman is ten times the woman my ex was but she is Muslum. She accepts me being a Christian and wants me to accept her being a Muslum. She's an incredible woman but I'm not sure if this is right. I'm looking for some opinions out there??

I think that the most important factor in such a relationship would be communication. If you both respect one another and are open and loving, all is possible, but as in all relationships but especially important here, you must first know what your expectations are and how you will work through differences. I would especially discuss ahead of time how children would be raised were you to have any.

Maybe I'm just a romantic but I would not let an incredible person who I loved very much get away just because of a difference in practices of faith And just think, if she is also a believer in her religion, at least she understands why your belief is important to you too. Who knows, it might actually be easier for you two to understand each other religiously than it would be for you and, say, an agnostic or an atheist.