How did you end up unequally yoked?

[WashedClean]

Hi Everyone

I was curious how everyone ended up in an unequally yoked marriage/relationship. This question is not intended to make anyone uncomfortable, so please don't take offense or feel obligated to respond .

I just thought it might help us understand and relate to one another on a different level. I'll go first...

I've been married for 12+ years and with my husband over 14. When we met, neither one of us was "religious". He was raised Catholic and I Protestant (Methodist to be precise). We were engaged 3 months after we met (to the day). At that point, we began living together. My parents were not happy about it, but eventually they accepted it. His family never had a problem with it.

Obviously a priest would not marry us since we were living in sin. This hurt my husband a great deal because they actually excommunicated him and said he couldn't take communion. Even though he wasn't attending anyway! Obviously, we were very messed up in our thinking. We didn't really understand why it was a sin since we loved each other. Of course, now as I look back, I realize we were outside God's will. My reason for going into depth about this is because to this day my husband is still not over it. Although the priest was right to refuse to marry us, he should have explained it in love instead of condemnation. I know not all priests would have handled it this way, but we can only go by this one.

So when I was saved we were married almost 10 wonderful years. Even when we were both living in darkness, the Lord was so good to us. I truly believe He meant us to be together. We have a strong marriage, even now. I love my husband so much and believe he is a gift from God. That's how I can believe one day he will save him by his wonderful grace.

Really quickly, the way I came to know the Lord was through a book "Power for Living" which is put out by the Arthur S. DeMoss Foundation. Perhaps you might remember their pro-life TV commercials from several years ago - "Life, What a Beautiful Choice". Anyway, we ordered this book for free (someone told my husband about it) and it sat on our shelf for about 3 years. Then in 2001 (around Easter) we were both starting to feel those tugs on our heart that we always had around holy holidays. We had no plans to attend church and this saddened me, but I didn't want to go and be uncomfortable. So on Easter day after we had gotten together with our families, we both read this book individually at my husband's suggestion. It had some testimonies from Jeff Gordon and Andy Pettitte, along with the Gospel message. I immediately embraced it and invited Christ in to my heart. However, my husband did not. He understood it, but could not let his guard down. He has a lot of pride, although you would never know it because he doesn't come off as arrogant. I didn't even know that I was born again yet, just that I couldn't stop smiling. At first I didn't even realize that my husband wasn't a believer. But within a few days it was pretty apparent.

Anyway, that brings me to today. I started going back to the church I grew up in because my mother was still attending every week and I knew everyone. But after about a year, I was going crazy because I wasn't being spiritually fed. So I went down the street to a non-denom. church and have been there ever since. It's awesome and we're growing like crazy. The Lord is the head of that church and it really shows!

Sorry for the long story, just felt like getting the ball rolling. God Bless you all for reading this far!

WashedClean

 

[Soulwinner79]

I guess for me I just fell in love really didn't think about it at the time. I love my husband we have been married a little over 2 yrs. But sometimes I wish we were not equally unyoked because to me God is the 1st thing in my life and I don't want to lose sight of that as well.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

When I met my husband we were not believers. Although he was raised in a church environment, he was not born again and had stopped going completely by late teens. Religion wasn't really a talking point for us both whilst we were dating since I never grew up in it and he wasn't interested in it. After we got engaged, he began searching again. I guess when I look back, the L-rd had called me too but with no previous knowledge of G-d I'd missed the signs. By the time we got married my husband had converted to Islam. My family were against me getting married to him because of the religion but I went ahead anyway. Since being married I got saved and I think it disappointed my husband. I've later found out that he should not have married me according to his belief but that in doing so (he found this out later too) he had to do all he could to show me the way the Islam. I guess the fact that I didn't convert must have been a sign to him of failure on his part. During the marriage my faith has grown ever stronger and it is causing more conflicts both internally and between the two of us. We'd both agreed that it would not be a good idea to have children because I could not raise them Muslim. I recall saying to him that I could teach them about Islam - as we do in the schools in the UK (in a very clinical, unbiased "this is what the Muslims do..." kind of way) - but I could not say to them that Islam is THE way.

Where I'm not sure what plans the L-rd has for us stems from the fact that without planning for it I became pregnant. The significance for me was the fact that I'd prayed a few of years ago that I only become pregnant if the L-rd meant for the child to be raised in a Christian and not Muslim home. In spite of a couple of close ones we could not have kids until recently which seemed to also match my spiritual maturity. Now when I look at my baby I wonder if her arrival means that my husband becomes a Christian (what I hope for) or that I raise her alone (a reality that I am only just beginning to come to terms with).

LP

 

[WashedClean]

Hi LP and Soulwinner,

Thanks for sharing your stories. I'm also hoping that someone else who might be in a relationship but not married will heed the warning signs and hold off for now. At least pray about it. I don't wish an unequally yoked marriage on anyone. And yet I know my particular situation is wonderful compared to some .

Hang in there and keep on your knees. The Lord is so faithful!


WashedClean

 

[Sonshine]

Washed Clean,
I think this is a great forum. Sometimes it feels so lonely to be in a relationship with a husband who doesn't believe.

Anyway, We have been married for 19 years! I was raised in a very strong Methodist home and he was raised in a family that attended the same church off and on. When we married I was rebelling against God, questioning his existence, and not thinking at all!

After about 4 years of marraige and 2 kids I started in back to church, you know, because the kids needed it. After a while I realized what I had been missing in my life and turned it over to God. Changed churches because I wasn't getting anything from the church I grew up in and am now involved in a wonderful exciting church.

Both of my children have been saved (thank you God). My husband started going to church with us last year and was excited about this church. He attended several functions, went every Sunday, even started inviting some of his 'drinking' buddies. Then all of the sudden he stopped. Wouldn't go at all. Won't talk to me about why he stopped. I'm confused, I really felt like God was answering prayers and that he was going to be saved.

It is tougher now to be real close to him because I feel like he missed his chance. I Know that God can work miracles, it just feels that way.

I'm still praying for his salvation and our marraige.

 

[WashedClean]

Hi Sonshine,

Welcome to this forum and to CF!

Thanks for sharing your story. It's very similar to mine in a lot of ways, especially the Methodist upbringing. I also went back to the church I grew up in for a while, but then after about a year I felt like I was starving from lack of spiritual food . Now I'm involved in a great church also.

Please feel free to post here whenever you need encouragement or a shoulder to cry on . Or even if you have some praise to share. That must have been wonderful to have your husband go to church with you. Maybe he is saved but is backsliding?? You could pray for God to soften his heart and open up to you about his concerns. I wish my husband and I had more chats about God, but we don't. Once in a while we do, and I have a tremendous amount of hope for his spiritual future. I just want it to happen yesterday !!

God Bless you Sonshine! I will keep you and your husband in my prayers .

Your Sister in Christ,

WashedClean

 

[Abigail's folly]

I involved myself with my then-future husband while backslidden, he was raised a Catholic, and I had been involved in Non-denominational churches.
I was still smoking pot and drinking alcohol, as was he.

Now almost seven years later, I am sober and drug-free, but he has brought our lifes to shambles by his deceit, spending & debt excess, frightening temper and irresponsibilty, and seriously compromised my health.

I have told him that I am filing for divorce, and he is really falling apart. He is threatening to sue my mom if I do file, for reasons that are too lengthy to delve into here. I have been living at her house for a bit over a month, it is next door, but I just don't feel comfortable in my own house.

My mother and we have custody of my brother's 8 year old twins, rescued out of (what else) drugs, alcohol and violence. This weighs heavily in my decision to divorce.

I am confident that the Lord is carrying me in the palm of His hand right now, I can feel His tender presence, but it is a frightening, wearing, and dark path I am walking right now. I can still praise Him even in the midst of the tears and fighting, though, and without Him, I would have caved in long ago.

There is really a GOOD reason we are told not to be unevenly yoked!!!! Imagine that!!

I truly feel like Nabal's Abigail.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

I involved myself with my then-future husband while backslidden, he was raised a Catholic, and I had been involved in Non-denominational churches.
I was still smoking pot and drinking alcohol, as was he.

Now almost seven years later, I am sober and drug-free, but he has brought our lifes to shambles by his deceit, spending & debt excess, frightening temper and irresponsibilty, and seriously compromised my health.

I have told him that I am filing for divorce, and he is really falling apart. He is threatening to sue my mom if I do file, for reasons that are too lengthy to delve into here. I have been living at her house for a bit over a month, it is next door, but I just don't feel comfortable in my own house.

My mother and we have custody of my brother's 8 year old twins, rescued out of (what else) drugs, alcohol and violence. This weighs heavily in my decision to divorce.

I am confident that the Lord is carrying me in the palm of His hand right now, I can feel His tender presence, but it is a frightening, wearing, and dark path I am walking right now. I can still praise Him even in the midst of the tears and fighting, though, and without Him, I would have caved in long ago.

There is really a GOOD reason we are told not to be unevenly yoked!!!! Imagine that!!

I truly feel like Nabal's Abigail.

Amen! Keeping you in my prayers

Your sister in Christ
LP

 

[rwl]

Not married, unequally-yoked, but she does belive.

I met my girlfriend While taking a day trip to New York City. She came with some friends of mine and we spent the whole day together to the extent of ignoring the rest of the people we went with.

I didn't see/speak with her for a month after that, then labor day '03 I went to a get together at another persons house and sure enough ... it was like we were the only two there again. So, since then we've been at each others hip.

I warned her when we first met that I was no good, trouble, a jerk, yadda yadda yadda but she puts up with my junk. I have to say she is the most caring, sweet, innocent girl I've ever met. A true to life sweetheart. I couldn't be happier.

And she has an interest/belief in God. She just doesn't have much exposure to it. I'm still psyched anyway!!

 

[WashedClean]

Hi Abigail's Folly,

Welcome to CF and this forum for those in unequally yoked relationships.

I hope you will find lots of love and support here

Praise God that He has given you such peace and His presence, as well as the ability to praise Him in these terribly difficult circumstances . I can't begin to imagine the pain you're in. I will certainly pray for you!

Are you in any danger? I couldn't tell from your post.

Please keep us updated on your situation. Keep your eyes on Jesus. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Your Sister in Christ,

WashedClean

 

[Abigail's folly]

Hi, WashedClean!

Thank you for your prayers and concern. I do not believe I am in any immediate physical danger. The emotional toll has been enormous, I ended up having (or nearly having) a nervous breakdown last year, and ended up with dangerously high blood-pressure, ulcers and severe depression. Meds helped take care of the ulcer, I am on anti-depressants for now (will get off when this crisis is over) and the BP is still high but not dangerous. I was also nearly driven to commit physical violence on HIM at one point, which is not my style at all. Still the problem remains. I have told him I am going to divorce him, but I will reconsider a Legal Separation provided he leaves the premises. If he doesn't leave voluntarily, my mother is going to have him removed by court order, which I'd rather avoid.

I am raising my brother's 8 yr. old twins and taking care of my mother (who is in fine health, but we live on a 5 acre farm, and she can't care for it-so I am the farm-help) These children are afraid of him, and have told us they want him to leave (they've told him that, too-bless their honest and courageous hearts) They came to us at age 5 out of a drug-filled and violent household, maybe this isn't scriptual, but I feel as their steward, they are of greater importance than my husband, who is given over to evil.

Prayer has brought me along very well. The Lord has helped me to stand firm and not cave into my husband's empty promises, and to maintain a calm demeanor for the kids (and not clobber my husband ). It has been a great witness to believer and non-believer alike, at work, which is why it would be really great if this could all be healed by the Lord, what a witness that would be.

Thanks again for your prayers and concern!

 

[LilAl]

Hi, this is my first post here. The title of this topic immediately caught my attention. Want to hear my unequally yoked story? I became a christian at 18, but quickly back-slid as i just didnt have the support of family/local church. Anyway, i married at 23 to a non-christian but after 5 horrendous years, i ended it with divorce. i was still backslidden although never really lost my faith (or my salvation i assume?) when i met my now-husband (i was going to say my current husband but that sounds like i am going to change them every so often!!! I'm not!!) I married him for love, as i adored him and still do. he is not a christian, having been brought up in a completely faith-free environment. He knew i "believed in God" but as i was still lax in faith, we never really talked about it. THen when my 2nd child was born i suddenly got it all back together again, re-committed myself to Jesus, and found myself a fantastic, alive, non-denom community church. I dont know if he has seen the change in me, he never actually mentions it, but more often now, he will talk about God, religion, faith if something happens to come up about it in our lives. I wouldnt actually say he was taking a keen interest, but he actually does talk about it. now i dont full-on witness to him because i am pretty sure it just wouldnt work with him. BUt he has no problem with me bringing up our (now 4) children to know Jesus or to taking them to church (he came once, and said he would come again, but he hasnt and i daren't push him). Strangely he often tells people about how i go to church, which one it is etc, he has even occasionally talked about it as "our church", which i find ... interesting.

Like all of you, his salvation is a constant (annoyingly so, i am sure) prayer to God. He is a good and wonderful partner/husband/friend/father, i just couldnt ask for better. I dont know why God has blessed this unequally yoked union, but he has. I am SURE He has plans underway for him. And for your husbands too!!

I will pray for all of you even if i dont remember your screen names.

Thanks for the thread!!

 

[WashedClean]

Hi, this is my first post here. The title of this topic immediately caught my attention. Want to hear my unequally yoked story? I became a christian at 18, but quickly back-slid as i just didnt have the support of family/local church. Anyway, i married at 23 to a non-christian but after 5 horrendous years, i ended it with divorce. i was still backslidden although never really lost my faith (or my salvation i assume?) when i met my now-husband (i was going to say my current husband but that sounds like i am going to change them every so often!!! I'm not!!) I married him for love, as i adored him and still do. he is not a christian, having been brought up in a completely faith-free environment. He knew i "believed in God" but as i was still lax in faith, we never really talked about it. THen when my 2nd child was born i suddenly got it all back together again, re-committed myself to Jesus, and found myself a fantastic, alive, non-denom community church. I dont know if he has seen the change in me, he never actually mentions it, but more often now, he will talk about God, religion, faith if something happens to come up about it in our lives. I wouldnt actually say he was taking a keen interest, but he actually does talk about it. now i dont full-on witness to him because i am pretty sure it just wouldnt work with him. BUt he has no problem with me bringing up our (now 4) children to know Jesus or to taking them to church (he came once, and said he would come again, but he hasnt and i daren't push him). Strangely he often tells people about how i go to church, which one it is etc, he has even occasionally talked about it as "our church", which i find ... interesting.

Like all of you, his salvation is a constant (annoyingly so, i am sure) prayer to God. He is a good and wonderful partner/husband/friend/father, i just couldnt ask for better. I dont know why God has blessed this unequally yoked union, but he has. I am SURE He has plans underway for him. And for your husbands too!!

I will pray for all of you even if i dont remember your screen names.

Thanks for the thread!!

Hi LilAl,

Welcome to this forum!

Your situation sounds somewhat like mine. You probably already read my history, so I won't go into it again. My husband and I were both not Christians when we married (although we thought we were!). Anyway, my husband is wonderful. I often fantasize about when he becomes a Christian what an awesome man of God he will be! Of course, I realize there is always the chance this won't happen, but I have total faith in God that He will give my husband every opportunity to let Him into his heart.

I'm thrilled to hear that you have re-committed yourself to Jesus. Perhaps your church has a group for unequally yoked wives. I am starting to reach out and it's helping to know others in similar circumstances. I'm also reading a book, Beloved Unbeliever by Jo Berry. It's pretty old, but wonderful.

God has blessed my marriage since the beginning and we've been married almost 13 years! For 10 of those I was unsaved, and even then, He was faithful. I get emotional just thinking about it

I hope we hear more from you LilAl. God bless!

In Christ,

WashedClean

 

[cdj]

Hi everyone
I am living with a man (we are not married) who is not a Christian, and I have to say it is the biggest challenge I have ever faced in my life!
We met whilst I was `backslidden` and my behaviour at that time in my life was, I admit, no less than atrocious! But my partner seemed to be very caring and wanted to spend every second of the day with me and loved me harder than anyone I have ever met.He wanted me to change my ways and be with him!
I must say, that this rather repelled me at first, and they say that after love comes fear, well I feared that it would not last, and I tried to push his love away (hey! a bit like God`s love!) In doing that I created my own monster, and I have only just crawled out of the mud, to realise 2 things:

1. I pushed him away so much he is afraid of me and has turned more to sin
2. I need God`s forgiveness to help me through my life, esp. now!

How sad that I pushed him away, and I have found him cheating on me and dabbling in things like porn and it has been very tough on me.
I know that God gave me a choice though! We all have one! I chose my partner but I have to realise I cannot change him, only pray to God for forgiveness and love.
Maybe one day he will open my partner`s eyes to a more fulfilling love and understanding, and I pray for that every day.

 

[snoopy2]

Hi All,
I just spent about 15 mins telling my tale, but lost it somehow . Nevermind, I'll have another go when I've got more time.

Snoopy

 

[aleylueyah]

My mom wasn't a serious Christian at the time, I suppose. She was friends with my dad, they fell in love, and nineteen years later, he's still not saved. She and I kind of cling onto eachother for encouragement. I pray for my dad...I'm not faithful enough at it, and I can't believe I forget to sometimes.

It's tough not having a dad who believes. He is an awesome father though. My parents have a great marriage, but it is really affecting my brother to not have a strong Christian daddy to look up to. He's struggling right now.

I just keep clinging to my faith and my mother, and do fine. I'm trying to help my brother when he'll let me.

So, am I allowed to post here too? I kind of have the same problem as all of you, except from a different perspective. I respect this ministry you have here.

Love,
Jesse

 

[Blessed75]

I always thought that he would one day believe. I always thought that deep down, he did believe. By the time I realized that wasn't the case, I was pregnant with my second child. Our marriage is on the rocks right now and to be honest with you, I knew from the get-go I shouldn't have married him b/c he wasn't a believer. I feel like I'm being punished but I know that's not the case. There are so many other issues in our marriage BUT I feel in my spirit if he had a relationship with the Lord, then there would be hope for this marriage. I think marriage counseling is the next step. I'm just numb right now and don't have any feelings towards him at all these days......I guess that's not good. All I can do is roll with the punches and ask God to direct me the way I should go I guess...........

 

[WashedClean]

My mom wasn't a serious Christian at the time, I suppose. She was friends with my dad, they fell in love, and nineteen years later, he's still not saved. She and I kind of cling onto eachother for encouragement. I pray for my dad...I'm not faithful enough at it, and I can't believe I forget to sometimes.

It's tough not having a dad who believes. He is an awesome father though. My parents have a great marriage, but it is really affecting my brother to not have a strong Christian daddy to look up to. He's struggling right now.

I just keep clinging to my faith and my mother, and do fine. I'm trying to help my brother when he'll let me.

So, am I allowed to post here too? I kind of have the same problem as all of you, except from a different perspective. I respect this ministry you have here.

Love,
Jesse

Hi Jesse,

Of course you can post here. This is an open forum for all Christians. Unequally yoked relationships are not just about marriage, although that is the most prevalent and obvious. I had never really thought about your situation before, so thanks for sharing. It certainly does add a new perspective.

Does your father go to church with you and your mom? He really needs to be around Christian men. Our church has all kinds of male-oriented activities that are not necessarily outreach or prayer groups. They go on retreats, sporting events, etc. Maybe if he had a mentor that he respected and would listen to, that would help. Hearing about Jesus from you or your mom might be hard for him to take. But perhaps another man would help. Just a thought. I don't know how open your dad is to Christianity.

Please feel free to come here for support . We will pray for you and help in any way we can.

Love in Christ,

WashedClean

 

[charligirl]

My mom wasn't a serious Christian at the time, I suppose. She was friends with my dad, they fell in love, and nineteen years later, he's still not saved. She and I kind of cling onto eachother for encouragement. I pray for my dad...I'm not faithful enough at it, and I can't believe I forget to sometimes.

It's tough not having a dad who believes. He is an awesome father though. My parents have a great marriage, but it is really affecting my brother to not have a strong Christian daddy to look up to. He's struggling right now.

I just keep clinging to my faith and my mother, and do fine. I'm trying to help my brother when he'll let me.

My mother married my Father 35 years ago, she had a strong faith and he 'believed in God' and believed in christian values although he was not saved. She really felt God told her to marry him and that at some point her woudl come to know the Lord for himself.

Like you I prayed... and felt awful when I forgot... my father knows thew LOrd now... it took 30 years but my Mother never gave up believing that 'He who started a good work would be faithful to complete it!'

Be encouraged, keep praying!

 

[AppleMilk]

I have been with my boyfriend for two years, and was close friends with him for a year before that... He was a Buddhist (still is), while I was a free-thinker, so nothing religious was involved. But I was saved recently... The one thing that made me feel uneasy is that he's not. Religion was/is never a problem with me... I'll do mine, he'll do his. I have a friend whose a Buddhist as well, but her boyfriend is Christian. Because of that reason, the boy's mother forbids them to be together. Both the boy and his mother are very devoted Christians, but the boy loves my friend. I could tell that he is frustrated for being sandwiched, and my friend's very depressed. Whenever I talk to her about this issue, she'll cry. It's very heartaching for me as well.

Because of that, I fear that converting will affect my relationship with my boyfriend. I'm not very devoted, to say the truth. I believe in his teachings, and existence, but there're still many things I don't understand. I had lived in darkness all my life... and I believe that my boyfriend is an angel that God sent me to save me from the darkness. He did many things for me, and made my life alot better. He solved my family disputes, my self-esteem problem, and brought me out of depression... so it really felt like it. I don't want to leave him. He did not mind, but he feels very awkward about it. As for children, I have no problems with that because I want my children to find God on their own. As long as their religion teaches them morals, and they do nothing against their conscience, and they're happy, I'll have no complaints.

Presently my relationship is very stable, and I'm very happy. I'm just a little worried for the future...