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Hi SuzQSuzQ said:Hi everyone!
This very topic is the reason I recently joined CF & have already PM'd another u-y wife who has been supportive & friendly to me. I feel like God led me to a wonderful place, as I've also felt lonely lately - especially after Easter. I take it so seriously & my husband doesn't, even though he tries & supports me. This is a long story.....
That is why I say this is a GOOD story. My husband & I met 15 years ago & were best friends. Through a miracle, we found each other after 10 years (both divorced) & started writing to get to know each other again. However, I had a boyfriend & he had a girlfriend so we once again lost touch for a year. I had a lot of struggles in my past: drugs/drinking, divorce, an abusive boyfriend, and even a suicide attempt. Shortly after the latter, I too, came to the Lord after reading "A Power For Living" & could not believe my Father would forgive me, but I know He did. I truly knew what the meaning of "reborn" is now! It's like Jesus turned on the light!!
After I embraced my new Christian life, my husband came back into my life. Here's the hard part - I prayed & prayed & prayed for God to send me & my son a wonderful man in our lives. Out of the blue, my now-husband sent me a message, wanting to talk again. We were both single (I was out of my abusive relationship, he & his girlfriend had gone seperate ways the year before). We realized that we've ALWAYS loved one another & had a soul-connection that we just could not have with others. Of course, I let him know I was now a Christian. He was "open-minded" about Christianity & at least believed in God. However, he is not saved. Again, I prayed hard about it, especially after he proposed to me months later! At the time, I never felt so sure about anything before. I thought to myself, "If he is not the one in God's plan for me, why does he keep popping back into my life....and right NOW???" It wasn't making sense! But, my ultimate decision came from prayer & the knowledge that I had years of complete trust in this man & his unselfish love for me, my son, and everyone around him. He was my best friend way before we started dating, so I knew we could talk about ANYTHING.
I'm not advocating that a Christian should go ahead & marry a non-Christian! Please don't read this & move forward with a relationship thinking it's ok with God. Especially with someone you haven't known for long. This is more of an inspiration to already married, un-equally yoked wives!!!
Although I married him & felt wonderful about it (as did our families who all said, "It was about time"!)....I begun to read more about the bible passages regarding instructions to not be "unequally yoked". I started to worry that maybe I had done the wrong thing & displeased God. I asked for forgiveness. In the midst of this, my husband decided he wanted to support me & my son's "religion" and go to church as a family. Since then, he has experienced many "mini-miracles" (our Pastor tried to make his point once in a sermon by using "Monty Python's Holy Grail" movie & my husband lifted his head in complete surprise - it's his favorite movie of all time!). He has even gone to see "The Passion of the Christ" with me, knowing it was important. Ladies, I see it in his face - he's slowly, slowly starting to question his agnostic belief in only God & nothing else. He's even asked me a question or two, out of the blue, about what's in the Bible, what Jesus taught, etc. I know now that God wanted me to marry him for a REASON. Not for me to convert him, (that's His job) but for him to have someone he loves & trusts open him up to this world. God is working on him, I feel it in my heart. It does get lonely because I want him to be a Christian tomorrow, even though it make take years!! I am bursting to share my amazing Christian experience with him, and for him to be able relate. I can't help feeling how influential he would be to others around him that look up to him, etc.
Anywho, sorry for the long story. A wonderful website to read for further encouragement is childoflight.org. It's helped me already, in so many ways, especially the "Misconceptions". I look forward to hearing other's stories & encouraging one another in being patient & prayerful about our "lost, but loved" husbands!
God bless y'all! ~Suz
Hi usatxmom,usatxmom said:A wonderful forum. And such a relief to read about similar situations.
I've been married for 24 years and known my husband for 29. I don't KNOW where all the time went!
I met him at 16 and married him at 21. We had kids at 29. At the time, way back when, all I knew was the comfort and security of a wonderful person and sweet young man. I had grown up in the church but my experiences there were not the best and the young men there were AWFUL. When I met my dh, he was so different from everything I had known, I fell head over heels.
I did not think about the church differences until long after we were married. I grow up so use to God in my life that I did not think anything could come between me and God. However, there have been some very dark, terrible times for me emotionally and spiritually because my husband is not a believer.
For many years, I resisted him and his worldly views and then slowly started slipping. It was just too hard to keep resisting him. I allowed myself to be pulled and stretched farther and farther away from my Jesus until the rope snapped and I was let loose. I know that Jesus must of wept when I finally gave up and gave in to my husband's material and sinful desires. For over 10 years, I put blinders on my eyes and hardened my heart against what I knew to be right. The things I have done and been talked into are some of my lowest, darkest times.
Now, I'm clawing and fighting my way back and it is so hard. It is so hard to explain to my dh why I won't do those things now. How it is killing me. And he is so mad, and he pouts and he ignores me trying to get me to return to it. Oh, most of the time we are "fine" but it is not the relationship I need. I need man strong in his faith who puts God first.
But, I made my own bed and I now will have to deal with the wrinkles and dirt. I would tell anyone thinking of marrying an unbeliever not to. I would not wish the tight rope walk on anyone!
Hello His Excellence,his excellence said:My husband and I were unequally yolked for most of the 17 years we have been married. It is NOT easy especially when you are christian and married to a jew. The digs , the backtalking, the criticisms are horrible at times when one is trying so hard to hang onto the proper values and follow the Lord and the other is a non believer and against supporting his partner or even respecting her wishes.
I prayed and prayed and prayed for 17 yrs and this was the year he fell to his knees. This is the year that God answered that prayer. My husband and I for the first time in our marriage are now equally yolked.
The one thing that not being equally yolked can do to a person real fast is tear you down spiritually. You must NEVER allow that to happen to you , always and I stress this Always stay close to the Lord, pray for those who do not believe and be a shining example to them of how precious a relationship with the Lord is.
For my husband it took total strangers, people he never in this world would ever expect to care about him and his spiritual life to get him thinking and questioning, and from there he accepted the Lord and has been slowly strengthening in his faith since.
WashedClean said:Just pray for your husband every day. I always pray for God to make me a godly wife. I want to be a light to my husband. So many times I fail though.
WashedClean
Hi again SuzQSuzQ said:Omigosh! That's exactly how I've been feeling lately! Wow - we do have a lot in common!
Sometimes when we have out little "debates" over things, (What Mel Gibson is doing with all the money, the war in Iraq, the DaVinci Code, yadda, yadda, yadda), I sorta see myself coming off as very "judgemental" and I say too much that I know I shouldn't.I'm slowly learning that it's best to not say anything at all. I often think of Job, when God says, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without KNOWLEDGE?!". (Yikes! - Sorry, Lord!)
Now I just try to nod my head, and say something like, "wow, that's a very different, but interesting point of view". I'm not agreeing with him, but I'm not allowing Satan to get in the middle of us anymore, either. Again, trying -really trying- to be a more godly wife & a better example of a Christian.
When I really feel frustrated, I remember that my brother & his wife have just as many "debates" or different ways of looking at their finances, the kids' activities/discipline, etc. They are both saved & very Christian-like....so we "u-y" wives just have to realize that EVERY marriage has its challenges!!
I will definitely look into the books you suggested. I wonder if Family Christian Stores may carry them? The one near me has a gigantic section of books. I'm also REALLY encouraged by His Excellence's story - thank you for sharing that - it lifted my spirits even more!!
Thanks for you support and prayers - right back at ya!!God bless all of you!
MominTX said:He states he is saved, but I don't see it in any of his actions...I catch a glimpse when he states I am supposed to submit to him, but I almost feel like he is using the Bible as help in him being dictator instead of husband.
faithfulwarrior said:I'm in a rather sticky situation at the moment.. I would love your advice and prayers.
I've been a Christian the majority of my life and I've always believed that dating/courting/marrying non christians is wrong and unwise. I've always been strong in this and never fell in this belief. But that Bible verse in Corinthians has proven to be very true.. ('if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall')
I fell..I met a non christian who liked me, and I fell for him in the same way. I said no for a number of months because I didn't want to displease God. Eventually, I gave in and we are still together today. He respects my beliefs and my decision to abstain from sexual relations until marriage,thank the Lord, but that doesn't justify our relationship...Now does it? I have prayed about it, and I have honestly, with Gods strength, tried several times to end the relationship. He keeps coming into my life and we never end it, its proven to be impossible so far...I don't know what else to do.. I tried, on the weekend, to break it off with him but that didn't work either. Please, can ya'll give me advice? Godbless and take care
SuzQ said:Yes, the Lord does not want US to go out and seek non-Christians to be yoked with on our own. However, did the Lord bring this man into your life for a REASON? It's a dangerous, and thin line to tread, no doubt. You want to make sure you are living God's Word, but I see that you have faithfully prayed for direction & tried to do what you felt was right, only to keep having him come back to you? Could the Lord being using his love for you & your shining example of a devout Christian with STRONG morals as a way to show him the path? (Not that YOU can convert him, that's His job, of course).
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