How did you cope?

[Gentle Lamb]

Have you been dealt with badly in a ministry? How have you handled spiritual abuse? Have you been part of a church that has fractured for any reason? How have you handled it? I find that healing is a process...

 

[Llleopard]

Cried a lot
Prayed a lot
Dissected it with my husband to see if we actually were at fault a lot
Dealt with toxic thoughts like 'everything happens for a reason' a lot
Went through every stage of grief, and eventually found peace with the situation. Took the learnings and refuse to let the rubbish dominate my thinking.

 

[bèlla]

You have to have a measure of indifference to survive the world. Because offenses and hurts are plentiful. You have to reach the point where you won't allow the things people say and do unravel you. That comes with self-preservation. Love doesn't mean being a doormat. Accept responsibility for your part but don't permit them to unload on you or wreck your head. It takes longer to repair than prevent.

You have to take a stand and say abuse is not an option. You're not going to damage me. I'm not your effigy and mean it. There's a lot of messed up people in church. Often worse than the ones in the world. You have to be practical.

They're not cuddle bunnies. There's a lot of pain and brokenness and they do what broken people do. Like a lion in a china shop. They leave a mess behind. When they start acting up or talking crazy excuse yourself. You don't have to listen to that. If they can't speak to you peaceably with respect and courtesy don't bother.

We're our own gatekeepers. You can't let people roughshod over you. Because they will and continue to do so until you put your foot down. Some people are looking for people to victimize too. Learn the signs and avoid them.

 

[d taylor]

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I moved on, the person i disagreed with, we just stopped with any discussion and went our separate ways.

 

[com7fy8]

Well, I could have helped certain problems to happen.

It is true how victims can feel even guilt about how they were abused. But yes I can be helping things to go the wrong way, even if the other person is wrong. And I do not waste time on guilt and blaming myself, but pray for God to correct me however He knows I really need to change.

And in prayer it works to become ready to be a good example to the abuser. Be the best friend he or she can have, by being a good example of how to be and how to relate in love.

And then do not let the person have power to get me the wrong way, or to control me. But stay encouraging and kind so this can be spread to the person. And don't accept less.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

Have you been dealt with badly in a ministry? How have you handled spiritual abuse? Have you been part of a church that has fractured for any reason? How have you handled it? I find that healing is a process...

Yes I've been through some bad church stuff. Probably the worst was running across 2 separate pastors that seemed to me that some narcistic tendencies, maybe not full NPD but did some stuff in that kind of ball park.


This kind of thing I think made me tougher. Unfortunately, I've had lots of problems and disappointments and that sort of thing is just more grist for the mill. Probably the biggest thing that helped me is the realization that I should use everything I experience as fodder for teaching, counseling etc. I am slowly plugging away on some kind of online ministry thing a ma jig. My concept is to teach other people all stuff I had to learn the hard way because I find when it came to the old sermons of my youth that their was a lot of important stuff that pastors didn't talk about. Some of them really only had two sermons: 1) You can't earn your salvation! and 2) Life is bad here, but hold on things will be grat in heaven.


Strangely enough my child hood days of going to Christian parochial school often varied between good and awful where a few of my teachers seem to be the Christian version of a misanthrope.

But anyway, the best advice I can give is to do your best to think about the kinds of lessons you are learning with all that pain and try to help others with it. And if you look around you will see others from time to time, especially places like this web site and the prayer and advice board here.



Oh and to answer your question "How did I cope"? Often not very well!

In my teen years I did get some solace from music and exercise, and in grad school going to church was a major life line. I also had a few great Christian friends that helped get me through the tough times.

 

[Macchiato]

It definitely caused me to spin out of control. I have trust issues. I keep to myself.

 

[mama2one]

a Pastor & some parishioners that we volunteered with acted indifferent when I shared some happy personal information

I was hurt that they reacted the way they did
didn't feel like going to church there anymore so we moved on to another church

why stay somewhere when you're no longer happy there?
it seems pointless

 

[timf]

Each bad encounter spurs reflection. One can ask oneself, "What should I have seen to warn me off".

Sadly, many bad experiences can provide a good ability to be discerning, but does not improve the odds of encountering those few closer to the Lord. It does allow one to more quickly spot those who are more distant.

 

[SANTOSO]

Have you been dealt with badly in a ministry? How have you handled spiritual abuse? Have you been part of a church that has fractured for any reason? How have you handled it? I find that healing is a process...

Beloved one, you asked how have you been dealt with badly in a ministry. This you should ask Jesus. Jesus have been crucified!

Likewise, you considered spiritual abuse. How many Torah teachers, scribes, Pharisees withstood Jesus with their own righteousness.

You asked,” Have you been part of a church that has fractured for any reason?”

You should consider what has been written:
“He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him.”
‭‭John‬ ‭1:11‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

You asked,”How have you handled it?”
All the more, you should consider how Jesus have handled the suffering.

This is what we have Heard Jesus said:
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.””
‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

So consider these things Jesus have spoken to you, in Him you may have Peace.

So if you are looking to have Peace that Jesus have spoken, be in Jesus.

To God the Father be all glory and thanksgiving through Christ. Amen