How Could He?

[Katie12]

How can a child so sweet and spiecal to thier daddy,be caught in the hands of faith,so young not understanding why a dad would do this.I ask is he mad at me,is he sad,or is it a game im soppost to play?He says to be quiet it will all be ok,but will it be ok?Is it ok?Why so many times of hurt in his childrens face of what he had been doing?How come he didnt stop when asked or slaped or touched when we fought back?No one will no,but i ask why us why me what did we do?

 

[luv4godremains]

unfortunately that is a question in which cannot be answered by anyone but God and the person themself. I'm sorry you were hurt soo much, I'm sorry you had to go through this, but know that God loves you, he is the perfect Father, and no matter how much you have been hurt, he is perfect and will never hurt you, when he helps you deal with things, it will hurt, but it is not him that is hurting you!
I cried when I read this as it is asking questions I have asked myself soo many times, yet, never been able to answer! always thinking it's my fault, but it wasn't no matter how hard it is to believe, you must KNOW that it wan't nor is your fault that you went through this.
I'll be praying for you! keep fighting the things that drag you down, stand proud and say, this has made me a better person, this has helped to shape me into the beautiful child of God that I am now, stand proud and say my God, my Father loves me, loves me more than any earthly Father ever could!
PM me anytime hun.
God bless
*hugs*

 

[beetlequeendiva]

Katie, these are feelings that I have had so much in my life and there is still so many answers I haven't got so I can't answer you or even try to. What I will say is that you didn't do anything wrong - a child does not ask for this to happen to them, children are beautfiul and innocent and worth so much!!! You are worth so much in the eyes of the Father who you deserve, your Heavenly Father - so even when you are so sad and hurting so much just try to always remember that!!

 

[Gracie710]

It is NEVER NEVER NEVER the child's fault when an adult hurts them. NEVER. NEVER. I was abused physically, emotionally, sexually by adults I loved and I thought it was my fault. The bitter and terrible and painful truth is that there was NOTHING that I could have done to protect myself. It's not a child's job to protect themselves.

The other day my husband and I had to wipe the boogers from my little 8 month old baby's nose. She hates having it done, so in order to do it, I had to hold her arms. I had a flashback because it was at that moment I realized how TOTALLY helpless and dependent a child is -- totally, totally, life or death dependent on their caretakers. We were that small, that dependent -- and the people who were charged to be our shields were the very ones who hurt us.

I don't understand it. I can't understand it. I've been struggling and recovering and learning for years now, and it's still hard to understand how evil adults can be towards children. I graduated with a degree in psychology trying to figure it out.

Sometimes it makes people feel good to hurt others -- as hard as that is to understand, that is the nature of the flesh -- the very flesh that was crucified when Jesus hung on the cross. Abuse shows us how truly evil the flesh is.

People are not good at heart. The Bible says that the human heart is DESPERATELY WICKED. How true those of us who have suffered abuse know that to be.

But the truth is, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. It was the fault of the person who hurt you and the people who failed to protect you. Repeat this to yourself a million times -- WHAT HAPPENED TO ME HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AS A PERSON.

Just remember that your heavenly Father is not a bad daddy like yours was. He loves you with deep compassion.

 

[Katie12]

Thanks yall,i know that God loves me so much,he sent he son to die for me and everyone else,how much more love can we get?I just wish that my earth father was as gentle,kind and sweet like him,but i guess that wasnt his plain for me.Ive lived with this my whole kid life and some of my adult life.I feel the same way when im yelling or holding my kids,its not fun im always worried im going to hold them to hard or hurt them really bad,it scares me to death.I love being a mom,its just horrible when i think im going to hurt my kids just like he did.Well thanks all for writing back,and the people who didnt i understand how hard it is to find words to say and its ok .Im super girl .





Blessed be.
Katie

 

[thenewageriseth]

Katie, I'm sorry you are going through this. I can't believe that some parents do that kind of stuff to their children. It doesn't make sense. Children are wonderful. They're supposed to be innocent, happy and have a childhood. But I guess some children don't have the chance to enjoy their lives. So sad.

 

[Yasha]

I feel the same way when im yelling or holding my kids,its not fun im always worried im going to hold them to hard or hurt them really bad,it scares me to death.I love being a mom,its just horrible when i think im going to hurt my kids just like he did.
Blessed be.
Katie

You know Katie12, I am getting more and more interested by the fact that abusers were once abuse victims themselves. The reason is, because my husband never physically abused his kids, despite his experience(though he has been a verbal and physical abuser of me- not his kids). And, my son, who was never physically abused by his parents, has still been caught up in incest with his cousin on the side of the family that is riddled with sexual abuse(his mother was very verbally and emotionally abusive, that's the whole other side of the family) Both sides are drunks....what's the difference between them?...or between abuse survivors who repeat their parents abusing and those who don't? And, why is there two lists on the CODA website...one for abuser's partners, one for abusers? And, then at the bottom of the page it says that many abusers were victims themselves in bold print. What's the difference? I want to know! Because I don't want this cycle to continue in this family. I don't want to see all the suffering and pain and sacrifice be for nothing because we don't learn enough.

SO, here's the current conclusion I am formulating: Abuse survivors that don't: empty of the pain; share it with someone; get some long overdue attention and help and hugs and kindness; let the lever open on the steam valve.....spend the rest of their lives carrying a full pain, sadness and neglect meter. A full meter means there is no room for anymore. No room to share anyone else's pain. No desire to be around anymore of anything that causes more pain to pile on, low tolerance...enough is enough already. Then, in NOT facing the pain, and then having kids, the days come where they overfill you with their needs...kids are demanding! And, then, because there is no room in the pain place, you explode or strike out or cause harm or do things you regret because you just react to all the unfairness and all the sadness....boom. The cycle begins again.....a cycle of guilt and shame and pain and ....oooooh....too much.

I DON'T KNOW IF MY LITTLE THEORY IS RIGHT!!! I really do want to learn, though. Because I have a grandson now. He is almost 2. I want him to be free. I want the story to end here. We have to learn to break the chain and face the music and find our way...because he can't pay for us.

I have been going to 12 step meetings and Coda sites. I am trying to learn. The funny thing about it all is, whether I like it or not....I am just as you are. Afraid to see the story repeat...eager to find my way Home. God Bless us both, dear Katie12. Supergirl is a comicbook. I'm NOT Supergirl...and, I don't want to be. I want to be real, here, now....and I want to be safe and free. Do you really want to be Supergirl?

 

[Katie12]

LOL.No its a joke.My friend calls me super girl cause no matter how bad im feeling,i can always put a smile on.She thinks i might be,but i dont want to be,i really dont she just calls me that,cause she knows when somthings wrong,and i can just smile and act polite and not be in a bad mood all day. .LOL sorry gave you that though,lol .




Blessed be,
Katie

 

[Spectre01]

Its hard sometimes, but keep the faith and your happiness, for if the Lord loves you, what can bring you down???







-God Bless!!

 

[Yasha]

LOL.No its a joke.My friend calls me super girl cause no matter how bad im feeling,i can always put a smile on.She thinks i might be,but i dont want to be,i really dont she just calls me that,cause she knows when somthings wrong,and i can just smile and act polite and not be in a bad mood all day.

I kind of guessed that's what you meant, anyway. I am the same way about 95% of the year. But, I find that, though it is always Him who makes that so, and he never leaves me that people give ME the credit for that. After a while, they generally start taking that aspect of me for granted and EXPECT it of me. When that happens, and when I get slighted of the kindness we all need, because, "Oh, don't worry about her. She can handle it." thoughts in people around me...it eventually wears on me. I think He just keeps letting that happen once in a while so I'll fall down in front of them all. Then they have to see that the Glory for that 'Supergirl' thing belongs to Him, and always has. And, everyone, including me, gets reminded that I NEED to be a receiver of kindness and help and encouragement , too. So, for a while, the ones who take it for granted remember to remember my heart a little better.

Because of this, I always ask about the Supergirl, Superwoman, Superman stuff. I dread those 'taken for granted' days that lead to the crumbling of me. I've learned to topple Supergirl on my own sometimes.