How common is marrige for physically disabled?

[belle1492]

Hi all I've often wondered how many of us with very visible physical disabilities are successful getting married? And if so at what age? I have Cerebral Palsy. At almost 29 yrs old its getting embarrassing to admit that I've never been on a date. I know some may think this might be better in the relationships forum, but I don't think there would be much of a response so this is why I'm posting this here.

I posted a thread in relationships a while back, asking everyone if they thought a physical disability would be a hinderance to a relationship, many people said it wouldn't be, and I have to take them at their word, but at the same time I feel like they might have been saying this just to be polically correct.

 

[2scoops]

Saw your post and though I am not disabled must say something. There are plenty of people who have not been out on a date that are your age that do not have disabilties also. Some people are waiting on God to find them a mate and these days it just harder to find that person who is willing to committ to a lifetime marriage. I remember your post from the past, I think you sort of liked a guy at school, and you were wondering if you should mention something to him about maybe going out or something or you wondered if he like you. Is this correct? Sometimes we as people are looking for a relationship so bad because we want one or are lonely that we loose sight of God and our relationship with Him which is more important. It took me a long time to learn this lesson. I highly believe that if you put your faith in trust in the Lord, and if wait he will reward you greatly. It just takes a lot of faith on your part, but pray that God gives you that faith.

 

[destiny7]

Hi Belle,


I have Muscular Dystrophy and often myself had wondered if I would ever find a mate that would be able to look past my physical and see my heart and love for God. I had many nights of prayer and thats when I realized that God was in control and when he was ready for me to date and eventually get married that he would allow it to happen I have been in a serious relationship for almost a year now and look forward to one day marrying We have talked about it and with God willing we will be saying our wedding vows next year! So hang in there and remember God knows the disires of your heart!!!!

Destiny
You are in my prayers

 

[belle1492]

Saw your post and though I am not disabled must say something. There are plenty of people who have not been out on a date that are your age that do not have disabilties also.

I'm sure there is, but it is hard when everyone around you (cept for one girlfriend) has someone and you are still wondering if it will ever happen to you.

Some people are waiting on God to find them a mate and these days it just harder to find that person who is willing to committ to a lifetime marriage. I remember your post from the past, I think you sort of liked a guy at school, and you were wondering if you should mention something to him about maybe going out or something or you wondered if he like you. Is this correct?

I'm sorry if this is a little off topic but,

Yes that was me. Last month I was talking with this guy, and I asked him how he was. He said, "Oh, I'm just whating for my fiance to come." I didn't know if I should take this as "one day she'll come a long" or that she was a real person. I'd known him for about 4 years and he has never mentioned a girlfriend, much less being engaged so the comment kinda "came out of the blue." For a while I thought he was joking, but I asked him about it the next day, and he was serious about it. So now I know he doesn't like me

I do want to get married, but not next week. I think I am frustrated about the afore mentioned situation. I'm usually not the type of person that "falls in love" with every guy I meet as I know they probably wouldn't be interested in a "disabled girl." This situation seemed different, so I decided to see where it would go. I'm just mad at myself that I spent so long focusing on it. I'm also wondering why my friend did not mention becoming engaged earlier (he has been engaged for a yr, his fiance lives overseas, and he is trying to get her a visa). It seems like you'd want to mention something that exciting and important in your life

I know I should have more faith, but I honestly thought that the Lord was behind the situation with my friend (I'm sure everone says that ), so now I'm afraid that if I'm ever interested in anyone else, I'll mistakenly think the Lord wants be to be involved with person when he may not want me to be. I don't want to go through the situation ever again.

Anyway, I started this thread because I'm always wondering what the odds are that I'll get married. As a rule I wouldn't want to know the future, but in this one area I would like to know, a yes or a No. This way if it were a no I wouldn't spend the rest of my life wondering. If it were a yes then I'd know that it would happen at some point and time, and I wouldn't be left wondering.

 

[belle1492]

Hi Belle,


I have Muscular Dystrophy and often myself had wondered if I would ever find a mate that would be able to look past my physical and see my heart and love for God.

I've wondered the same thing, its nice to know I'm not alone in that respect.

I realized that God was in control

Intellectually, I know God is in control, but emotionally the wait is still hard because I wonder if God does not want me to find anyone, and in the end the waiting will be in vain.

I have been in a serious relationship for almost a year now ....God willing we will be saying our wedding vows next year!

Thats awesome. I'm very happy for you! If you don't mind me asking, what did your fiance think about your MD when you first met?

 

[Deamiter]

Both my mother and my girlfriend are disabled to some extent (that fact alone is kinda scary!) My mother has muscular dystrophy, and has lived very happily married to my father. We all know she will almost certainly die weak and much earlier than my father, but they're madly in love so I've got nothing to say about it!

My girlfriend is diabetic, but she also qualifies as disabled in this context as she has so many complications she's very often unable to go out or do something physical. My girlfriend is still recovering from a hospital visit last year for diabetic complications, and now she can even run short distances if she's feeling good! She may recover even more, but she has enough related complications that a FULL recovery isn't likely, and either way, recovery isn't what I'm dating her for!

I guess it's impossible to give you odds, but you CERTAINLY shouldn't decide that it is impossible to get married! However, I think some of the dating you're craving (as all your friends bar one is "taken") is really unhealthy. Our society puts such a high premium on hooking up that we are pressured to get together before it's wise or even when it's STUPID! In my young advice (our six years is a BIG difference on the subject) you should strive to be happy (or resigned if necessary) staying single -- not because you are disabled, but because it is wise.

I do know that God does not call all of us to marriage, and if He wills you to get married He is certainly capable of finding you a mate in the course of your serving! I know that's a pretty lame settlement, but I think you might find yourself much happier that way. I fell into sin looking desperately to define myself through a girlfriend, and it almost ruined my life. Only many years later (and working through a long suicidal period) did I decide that I would be happy alone, and only THEN was I able to see how this girl who had been my friend all along was perfect for me!

 

[destiny7]

Thats awesome. I'm very happy for you! If you don't mind me asking, what did your fiance think about your MD when you first met?[/QUOTE]

Well we were friends first so it wasn't really an issue.... Until he started to express deeper feelings for me. Then I got really insecure and started to panic!!!! This was due to the fact I never thought I was good enough to be a companion only a really good friend. It was sad and true I came to the point where I had let my illness clothe me with some serious insecurites. Even now it is not easy every now and then I go through this time where I feel like Brad can have any woman he wants. During these times he is very supportive and reminds me that he chose ME!!! NOT ANYONE ELSE!!!

 

[Skymon]

My uncle is severly handicapped from a car accident. He can't move anything on the right side of his body. Luckily he manages to walk and talk...it's a miracle what he can do. He's 41 and has never had a love life...he gets frustrated about it often.

 

[fragile one]

My older sis has spinal bifida (myelomeningocele). She has to use a wheelchair but is pretty right of it. She was 27 before she went out on her first date, and she ended up marrying the man a year later He thinks she's beautiful and treats her wonderfully. She was despairing for years before she met him, but our da told her "it only takes one special man to love you for who you are," and he was right.

 

[absolutely_lost_86]

i hope tht one day ill b able 2 get a g/f/.

 

[makkulu]

I am the only disabled person I know who is not married. Except for one lady who seems to be pretty bitter and twisted and "in your face" about being disabled and stuff. I don't know I might have read her wrongly. But in any case it seems that it's about finding someone who loves me for me; and that is what I would want in a partner whether I was disabled or not. So yep, I won't say i never worry about it or wonder etc, but I also know that I want someone with enough depth to see who someone really is, and go with that. No-one's perfect, everyone has faults or flaws etc.

So yep, might have taken longer, but in my experience, it is common for disabled people to marry.

Makk

 

[Jonih]

Interesting subject. I'm disabled and have never had a girlfriend. Above all I suffer from the fact that my speech is not very clear, which keeps me holding back and not socializing as much I want to. And the fear of not getting what I say holds other people from talking with me.

It's sometimes very frustrating. And it doesn't feel good to see all former classmates & friends date and get married.

 

[bubblegirl23]

I'm immunally (is that a word?) disabled and as long as I stay inside my safe zone (my house) I function normally. I certainly hope disableds can get married.

For me, I would be happy to partner with someone of imperfect health. Because of my issues though that person would have to be able to earn money and run my errands. But if it was someone missing a limb or something like that I would feel comfortable loving them

S

 

[Antari]

Well, I don't know about everyone else, but I have a unique state of mind in the way that I never judge people by physical attributes, no matter how obvious they may be. I would be a hypocrit to do unto others the same thing that was done unto me and struck me down to the state I'm in now. I've never had a date, but I'd gladly go out with anyone who's personality I found interesting, regardless of what sorts of illnesses they had, as well as regardless of how obvious they might be. But still, don't listen to me, I'm pretty much a month away from snapping.

 

[Kristi1]

How common is marrige for physically disabled?

Hi Belle,

I have been married two times and divorced twice. My first Ex left with another, and my second threw me in the streets in 2001.

I am okay though, I know Jesus Loves me and Takes Care of me all the time. So now I prefer to stay single and Pure for God (Daddy) in Heaven.

I am extremely happy even though I am severely disabled. God Knows how I feel and sees my tears and helps me to grow.

Here's a Poem I wrote;

Grace Poem


Father in Heaven I am Saved by Grace,
A sinner known by disgrace,
Perfection is You God,
I am far from this place,
Jesus came down from Heaven,
Shall I pray for my space,
Love is True from God,
Where can I find some in my Grace,
Happiness, Love, Compassion,
Only God can give some to you,
I ask You Lord for some Grace,
Please see my heart,
For some healing by the King of Kings,
God’s Word is Living,
We can find life’s the Word of God and made for our lives.

© Kristi Ann
July 22nd, 2003
​

Love Always, \o/

KristiAnn
MsGuidedAngel

 

[Kira Faye]

I think the people with disablities are there own worse enemies when it comes to dating. I end up annilating most people unfortunatly, I don't date people because I can't see how they can cope with my illness when I can't cope myself. though it I have met some people who easily want to try but I push them away. Most peopel don't notice disabilites when they love u and alot of people hardly even see ur problems after a week or tewo, most of my friends forget I'm sick now. I feel once I learn to cope with my problems and get over the feelign that I'm nto normal I wont have a problem dating. I'm definatly my own enemy in this one.

 

[night2day]

I can't exactly say how common it is. Although, I do think some marriages have a harder time staying together when one spouse becomes disabled than when either the man or woman is disabled before the marriage takes place.

Something about "...in sickness and in health..." isn't taken all too seriously as it should these days.

Otherwise, more or less I gather it depends on the person (disabled or not we all have different personalities and react different to different situations) unless their disability, or consequences thereof, limits them from being around other people where they might meet someone special in which a relationship can lead to marriage.

My thoughts anyway.

 

[Galadriel]

Hmm, well I am not disabled, but to be honest Ive never really had a boyfriend until now, and he is disabled, and I am going to marry him someday. I am 21, and I know what its like to wait and just hope for the right person to come along.

Actually in a way Im "disabled" but its just I have more mental/emotional issues that in a way are rather like a disability. In big part because of these I never really had boyfriends or even many close friends, but me and William are like 2 peas in a pod. He has Acute Intermittent Porphyria.

 

[daleg]

Well im probably much older then most of you. I'm 48 years old. I was born with a bone missing in my left leg. at Birth it was 1/2 in short at the age of 12 it was 6 1/2 inches short. I wore a built up shoe/brace for the first 12 years. When 12 I had my leg amputated.

Like many of you I worried about dating and someday meeting the right person. I really couldnt understand how a woman would care for a one legged fellow.

But when I was my self and and not worring about the leg just being me it wasnt hard. I have a lovely wife who loves me two Daughters. A son in law and 2 Grand children.

But the most important thing is Having God lead your life.
Today I am The pastor of a church, Mayor of this town, Chaplain of our Fire Dept. Still have one leg but like the Army (be all I can be)
Its what limitations we put on our selves sometimes. Just act like nothing is wrong with you. Remeber God makes NO mistakes. He has a reason for you.

daleg

 

[Rising_Suns]

peace be with you all,

I do not have any physcial disabilities and I have had little contact with people who have disabilities, but of the few I have met, I have never been so amazed at the profound beauty and faith I see. And strictly because of that, I have often considered the possibility of marrying someone with a disability. I would almost prefer it, because disabilities seem to be a profound mechanism to help keep people humble, and as you all know, humility is something our society is greatly lacking.

Anyway, just a few small thoughts.

In Christ,
-Davide