How close is to close for friends?

[Molloyboy]

Hey,

I am really close to one my my friends and we end up quite a few times being physically close to each other.
I know her really well now, and she is one of my best friends. We tend to stay up late and chat whilst being 'Intertwined'. (Its never kissing.)
We have talked about it quite a few times and agreed that its really nice and wierd at the same time. Neither of us have feelings for each other, we're just really close. And we dont have any interest in taking it any further.
It is just really nice to be in a relationship with a girl with no alternate motives, and it means I can get to know her really well - and her me.

Do people see this as wierd? Has anyone had any similar experiences.

Thanks!

 

[XianSamurai]

Well, being commonly "intertwined" with someone who is supposedly just a friend really does not sound normal, or appropriate.

 

[Sketcher]

I'd say date her or drop the behavior.

 

[Molloyboy]

I'd say date her or drop the behavior.

Why do you say that? These arn't very helpful replies!

 

[Sketcher]

Why do you say that? These arn't very helpful replies!

It's pseudo-dating, or pre-dating. I can see how there would be a problem between you two if she got interested in dating someone else, particularly if the two of you talk a lot. If you don't have feelings yet, you will if this continues. Having feelings isn't bad, but have them in a healthy framework.

 

[JPPT1974]

Just as long as you don't let them
Overtake your family it is
Fine with me!

 

[Molloyboy]

I am expecting guys and gals opinions to be different? Who knows...maybe some will reply? (Other than you of course JPPT! hehe)

 

[Tamara224]

I don't know, it seems odd to me. Since you've talked about it, and apparently agree that there's nothing more involved....I don't know.

I guess I just don't know any girls your age (is she your age?) who would not put stock in that kind of physical intimacy even though you've talked about it. Touching, hugging, being intertwined, etc, can be just as emotionally attaching as kissing.

I think that if you really didn't have any problem with it, or if it really wasn't a big deal, you wouldn't be asking our opinions. Since you have a question about it's appropriateness, I would say you should cut it out unless you intend a relationship.

 

[findinghope06]

It seems a little weird to me but im not really a physical person lol. hugs are my limit with my friends (and future prospective boyfriend). i couldnt imagine doing that with my best guy friend and we are really close and have been friends for nearly 12 years now.

i guess its weird to me because what would happen if you started dating someone, would your girlfriend appreciate you doing this with your friend? or would you want your girlfriend doing this with another guy? i know i wouldnt be too comfortable with it. and i dont think your friends boyfriend would like it either. i know it seems fine for now but in future times, it could make things a lot more complicated than they have to be, you know? id say just sit on the couch and talk, thats just as fun sometimes and wait to be "intertwinned" with someone (preferably someone you are dating, in my opinion ) but ill be praying for you and i hope this helped a little.

take care and God bless.
in His love
Stephanie

 

[knownbeforetime]

So they're really close friends... What's the big deal? I don't think they're doing anything innappropiate.

Unless, of course, one of you starts dating someone else and they become jealous...

 

[sherri]

I think you're both asking for it. Get into somebodies personal space and stay there long enough and it only leads one way.

Would you like your mum to do that with other men (whether she's married or not)? Would you do it with her while her father is sitting in the opposite chair?

It's crossing boundries.

 

[Irascible]

I was going to post something like:

No... playing twister late into the night on a regular basis with someone of the opposite sex with whom you're emotionally intimate... there's nothing wrong with that at all. Any reasonable person would agree that it simply couldn't lead to temptation.

But then I've learned that my sarcasm isn't always appreciated. So I won't say it. I'll just say that you should listen to findinghope06 and sherri. They summed up my thoughts nicely.

 

[HotToast]

I think you're both asking for it. Get into somebodies personal space and stay there long enough and it only leads one way.

Would you like your mum to do that with other men (whether she's married or not)? Would you do it with her while her father is sitting in the opposite chair?

It's crossing boundries.

Exactly!

 

[Eric10]

From the description you gave, I see no problem. Being that physical seems very wierd to most of the people reading this - probably most of the people in the world. The real question is whether or not there are actually feelings there, of any kind? To be more specific... Is anyone getting excited?

I don't believe there is anything wrong with your situation, unless there is more going on here than is being stated. Unfortunately, I have a hard time believing that voth your feelings are the way they are being convayed. I know I couldn't do that with someone with complete indifference.

As for all the comments related to "would you like your boyfriend/girlfriend doing that with another guy/girl" and the likes, well, I'm not sure that has anything to do with this situation. I would hope that two people with a relationship such as this would cut off the physical aspects as soon as another person comes into play, simply for respect for that person. You'd have to be pretty neive to assume that the third party won't have a problem with it. This is not the case here though.

So, if I were you, I would analyse the situation a lot more, and make 100% sure that this is completely non-intimate, and if it ever becomes intimate for one of the parties, and not the other, cut it off right away.

I guess I respond in this way because of the complete lack of physical contact I have had throughout my life. I would love to have someone that I could be that close to, although, I would want it to be more than just friends.

 

[Molloyboy]

Thanks everyone for your replies, they are very much appreciated!
I am still at a bit of a loss as to what to do. I love the 'innocent' itimacy we have, but you are right is saying about future gf's/bf's and how that would mix it up.

I think i need to try and let it go a bit, which is a massive thing for me to say let alone do! So your prayers would be awesome please

 

[biffy]

Thanks everyone for your replies, they are very much appreciated!
I am still at a bit of a loss as to what to do. I love the 'innocent' itimacy we have, but you are right is saying about future gf's/bf's and how that would mix it up.

I think i need to try and let it go a bit, which is a massive thing for me to say let alone do! So your prayers would be awesome please

Yikes...this is a familiar story!!!

My best friend from when i was 19 till 23 and i used to "cuddle on the couch" just like brother and sister and watch a movie together, chat or whatever...we loved eachother but neither wanted to take it further...

He met someone....i didn't see him for weeks then we caught up and cuddled on the couch...he said it wasent' going to work with this girl she wasen't christian and he was calling it off...and we reminded eachother that we loved eachother...could be honest about anything/ everything....

He broke up with the girl had a cry with me about it and life went on...3 months later i was over and his house and his mum "accidently" called me by this girls name...i looked at her and i said "oh" and she said "yes"

i confronted him about it and he tried to change the topic heaps...i cried in front of him...and i didn't speak to him for months...

the i found out that he was moving away and intended "living"with this girl...it didn't sound like him at all!!!!! I went to see him he was a very different person i told him i'd always love him and he was sooooo nasty to me!!! but i think he loved me too...

my heart broke that day and i think in a way his did too...yes as you can read i was actually in love with him just wasen't ready to take it further or maybe didn't see it until it was too late...

and no i haven't seen him in 3 years but it's ok i know i'm worth sooooo much more than that!!!! I deserve much more in a future husband than him...

Hope my story helps...

 

[eringilmour]

Hey I have a really close guy friend, we hug all the time and its like really long embraces, I love him like I love my bvorther. we are very close and people always think that we are going out together and stuff, I don't have anything by platonic love for him, but some people see it as weird, I don't though, we would stay up really late too and chat, I would be lying with my legs on his knees sometimes. And I don't see anything wrong with that.

Intertwined - what so you actually mean but that, is it lying down with your legs hooked around each other or is it just her leaning on you???

It depends how much physical contact there is, and to be honest if it feels weird maybe thats b/c it is weird, But only you know where the boundaries are.

 

[Molloyboy]

The last two posts are great thanks, i dont feel alone now!

I just described it as intertwined b'c it was easier! We stay physically close for a couple of hours or so, just chatting or whatever. So its more than her just leaning on me yeah.
I don't mean that it feels wierd, i don't really know how to describe it. I'm not freaked out by it or anything. The physical contact isn't OTT, but it is wierd in that sense - that we are close but not dating? lol this is hard to explain? Do you understand? hehe

Biffy: Has this stopped you being close to people since then? Would you retrace your steps if you could?

Thanks for all the help so far

 

[Echoespeak006]

I just described it as intertwined b'c it was easier! We stay physically close for a couple of hours or so, just chatting or whatever. So its more than her just leaning on me yeah.
I don't mean that it feels wierd, i don't really know how to describe it. I'm not freaked out by it or anything. The physical contact isn't OTT, but it is wierd in that sense - that we are close but not dating? lol this is hard to explain? Do you understand? hehe

Thanks for all the help so far

The fact that you have a close friend that is of the opposite sex is not problematic. The fact that you all can share each other's thoughts and all that jazz isn't as well.

But you do have some serious thinking to do. I'm honestly not worried about you having "real" feelings for this person. If you both are single, and want to pursue a relationship fine. The problem is the potential, for the lack of a better word, "fake" feelings.......those are the feelings that masquerade as real ones but are really ones that are created by the circumstance. Therefore, as Sherri stated, if you're lingering around long someone's solar system long enough, you're bound to be hit by a planet- whether intentional or not. And doing that for hours, you're almost begging for it. You, yourself, have admitted that you KNOW there's going to be some difficulty...at least on your part, of letting go of that aspect of your relationship.
I think both of you to re-think your need for such close physical intimacy, because I hope you realize that to the layman who walks in, you two probably look like your dating. And not to beat a dead horse, but honestly, its better to deal with this situation now, then later on, when a prospective bf/gf enters the picture. 'Cuz when that happens, you might be surprised all the feelings both positive & not will come to the surface.

 

[oncewaslost]

being that close could lead to things, whether you intend to or not. not saying that it will but it could.