How close is to close for friends?

[sunshinejennii]

hmm...well i have a very close male friend, and we became friends while he had a girlfriend and their splitting up had nothing to do with our friendship, we're close physically but by that I mean he's always there if I need a hug and occasionally i'll pop my head on his shoulder. I'm a very touchy person and have a great need to have physical contact with other people, if he wasn't there to give me a hug then i'd probably have a lot of difficulties with guys, because i automatically put my hand on people's arms and things when i talk to them and will hug anyone good bye but this is interpretted as flirting sometimes so by having my hugs from him I don't overstep boundries with other people.

so if it's just like that I wouldn't worry, if however you are probably curled up in each other arms, and you'll really miss that when she gets a boyfriend or you feel that because people can see how close you are blokes may not approach her then you should probably cool it down a little. Just talk to her, as long as you are communicating there are unlikely to be crossed wires.

 

[biffy]

"I think both of you to re-think your need for such close physical intimacy, because I hope you realize that to the layman who walks in, you two probably look like your dating. And not to beat a dead horse, but honestly, its better to deal with this situation now, then later on, when a prospective bf/gf enters the picture. 'Cuz when that happens, you might be surprised all the feelings both positive & not will come to the surface"

This about sums it up....feelings surfaced and we both got real hurt...torn...if your situation is the same as mine then...if you and her fight and change life directions it will be just like a real break up...you and her are pretty much dating...you are in a relationship but just haven't acknowledged it...if either of you start a relationship with someone else it will feel like cheating for both of you....and it will hurt!!! I'll pray for you...but please talk to her about it if you love her you should be honest with her about it....if you go separate ways and "break up" then so be it...not meant to be...ask yourself if you love her?? what a great foundation for a relationship

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Hey,

I am really close to one my my friends and we end up quite a few times being physically close to each other.
I know her really well now, and she is one of my best friends. We tend to stay up late and chat whilst being 'Intertwined'. (Its never kissing.)
We have talked about it quite a few times and agreed that its really nice and wierd at the same time. Neither of us have feelings for each other, we're just really close. And we dont have any interest in taking it any further.
It is just really nice to be in a relationship with a girl with no alternate motives, and it means I can get to know her really well - and her me.

Do people see this as wierd? Has anyone had any similar experiences.

Thanks!

Dude nature is gonna kick in. If it didn't then the human race would be extinguished in a single generation. Christian/non-christian we are all human and if you are just friends then that close proximity is in my opinion off limits. Either take all the way one way and become an item or back off. There's no riding the fence or the only other logical conclusion is that you are going to become sexually involved with someone who you are not committed to emotionally.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Hey,

I am really close to one my my friends and we end up quite a few times being physically close to each other.
I know her really well now, and she is one of my best friends. We tend to stay up late and chat whilst being 'Intertwined'. (Its never kissing.)
We have talked about it quite a few times and agreed that its really nice and wierd at the same time. Neither of us have feelings for each other, we're just really close. And we dont have any interest in taking it any further.
It is just really nice to be in a relationship with a girl with no alternate motives, and it means I can get to know her really well - and her me.

Do people see this as wierd? Has anyone had any similar experiences.

Thanks!

if it works then I don't see anythign wrong with it. I think friends like that are precious things.

Be thankful for this. It is beautiful and rare.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Hey,

I am really close to one my my friends and we end up quite a few times being physically close to each other.
I know her really well now, and she is one of my best friends. We tend to stay up late and chat whilst being 'Intertwined'. (Its never kissing.)
We have talked about it quite a few times and agreed that its really nice and wierd at the same time. Neither of us have feelings for each other, we're just really close. And we dont have any interest in taking it any further.
It is just really nice to be in a relationship with a girl with no alternate motives, and it means I can get to know her really well - and her me.

Do people see this as wierd? Has anyone had any similar experiences.

Thanks!

I'm not sure. For me that would never happen unless I was interested in something more or we were dating. But that is me.

Is this wrong? I don't know. I would say though that this is probably not a good idea. Why be so close to just a friend???? If you ever get a girlfriend she is not going to be keen on you going over to this friends place and telling her everything and being so close to her. I would back off on this friendship that you have...or bump it up to dating status.

 

[Macrina]

I had a "best friend" who was a guy. We were very close emotionally and we were physically close in a cuddly kind of way. Everything seemed to be fine and "just friends."

I didn't realize the feelings I was developing for him.
I didn't realize the feelings he had for me.

For so long, everything had been understood as "just friends." We dated other people, etc... but there came a point when he shocked me by coming out and saying that he supposed I knew he was attracted to me. Rejecting him broke my heart, and it felt like a break-up. It wasn't until afterward that I realized that a very real affection, and not just of the "friend" kind, had developed between us. I didn't know my own heart well enough to know that I was really falling for this guy... until it was too late and pain had already resulted.

I'm not saying our situations are identical -- I'm just saying that denial is a powerful thing, so powerful that we can be falling for someone and honestly not notice it until we're at the stage of heartbreak.

I treasure the friendship that I had, but I wish that we would have handled it differently, for the sake of us as individuals and for the sake of our friendship.

 

[supernova165]

Um, I dont really think theres any thing wrong with it, why should there be.

 

[miss_klara]

Physical intimacy messes with your head. Steer clear!!

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Um, I dont really think theres any thing wrong with it, why should there be.

He clearly stated that they were "intertwined". Which I am guessing that means that certain parts of their anatomy are in close proximity. Pheremones float around and.......well if you haven't experienced that yet? We are all human and if you put ME in that situation with someone who I would be predisposed to having intimate relations with then look out! Thats why unless I was really seriously interested in her beyond friendship I would never put myself in that predicament. There are lots of other things that could happen also. THis gal might just be using him as an emotional life support for the moment and have no intention of pursuing it further. Then all the while he develops feelings for her, which I assume has already happened and he's the one that gets hurt when she condones herself off with some dude she decides to take it to the next level with. Bad juju all around if you ask me. Confront her and find out her true intentions.

 

[Labayu]

If someone walked in on you doing that with a guy would they assume you're gay?

Would you feel comfortable behaving with a guy friend like you do her?

If you were going out with a girl and you walked in and she was intertwined with one of your male friends would you feel uncomfortable at least?

Your're both single but if she was dating a martial arts blackbelt would you interwine etc if you knew he could walk in at any moment?

 

[biffy]

i hope everything has worked out for you ok...and you are sorting through this much easier now...i remember how difficult things were for me because i didn't talk openly about it like you have done...honesty is the best solution...lack of honesty can really end up hurting!! i wish you all the best and if it's dosen't work out the way you are expecting then don't stress because God knows best and it's all part of His bigger plan...it fits and it's ok...all the best!!

 

[Jenster]

I think you're engaged in "substitute" dating. Meaning, you've got the emotional intimacy and some of the physical intimacy, but you're playing it safe by not declaring it as dating. It's great that you're best friends, but after awhile, as many people here have already said, it's inevitable that you're going to get to the point where either you have to take it to the next level (outright dating) or stop intertwining and such. There's only a limited amount of time a man and woman can be "just friends" while growing closer in more ways than one. Looks to me like you're at that decision point. HTH.

 

[COBOB]

Hey,

I am really close to one my my friends and we end up quite a few times being physically close to each other.
I know her really well now, and she is one of my best friends. We tend to stay up late and chat whilst being 'Intertwined'. (Its never kissing.)
We have talked about it quite a few times and agreed that its really nice and wierd at the same time. Neither of us have feelings for each other, we're just really close. And we dont have any interest in taking it any further.
It is just really nice to be in a relationship with a girl with no alternate motives, and it means I can get to know her really well - and her me.

Do people see this as wierd? Has anyone had any similar experiences.

Thanks!

Hey...I have a real good friend and we tell each other everything and when we see each other we to a times will lay close to each other and hold hands and what not so I dont see anything wrong with it...I mean this person knows who she is...

 

[vibrant]

well, friends are allowed to touch each other, show affection.... if you don't think of it as sexual then it's not, but be careful of the message you send if your always pda -ing

 

[sunshinejennii]

but be careful of the message you send if your always pda -ing

Definatly, there is NOTHING more embarassing than someone you respect and who knows you're both touchy feely naturally and doesn't usually jump to conclusions thinking that you're going out with a friend, especially when they want to have a talk with you regarding sexual intimacy! That was a wakeup call and a half!

 

[biffy]

you know what....i'm really glad this was posted in here because i've realised and i now think that this is just a part of growing up...in late teens early 20's it seems quite common to have a very close friend of the opposite sex who you are very very close to and almost "dating" without actually acknowledging it...maybe this happens when we aren't quite ready to start dating...tough learning curve to work through though...please don't feel bad about it but just be aware of what it is...and be careful...by looking after yourself and respecting your friend

 

[sunshinejennii]

Interesting theory Biffy - I think you're right. Although I've dated before so I'd say it's something that occurs late teens early 20s once you've made a commitment to have a certain kind of dating relationship, I'm a little more godly in the kind of dating im thinking of now.

 

[Mskedi]

When I was single, cuddling with close friends of either sex was a common occurence. It was never sexual, and it was never flirting. When my closest friend who I'd cuddle with while watching movies with etc...got a girlfriend, it stopped for a few reasons: 1) I saw him less 2) I wouldn't dare initiate such a thing, however innocent, out of respect for his gf (now wife) who I know to have a jealous streak and I want to be on good terms with as he is a good friend 3) He was getting all the cuddling he needed from his gf.

When I got my current bf, my physical closeness with my guy friends just naturally stopped as it wasn't a need anymore. It certainly hasn't affected my relationships (friends or dating) in any negative way. There's an amount of closeness established by being physical (holding hands, hugging, snuggling) that I don't think is reached otherwise, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

It's a human need to feel loved. People in relationships shouldn't be the only ones benefitting from that feeling.

 

[Molloyboy]

Thanks to everyone! So much! I have been really thinking through this atm. There is an awesome amount of support here and its great! So thanks!

Its a thing i have to work through, I am sure you are right about the whole growing up thing. I guess its just one of those annoying life stage things hehe.