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The problem is that after we marry we tend to not care as much. We put all our efforts into being the best we can to attract our spouse when we were dating and now in marriage we somehow feel that we no longer need to put in the effort. Why should we? What is the prize? We already have our spouse.
This is a very touchy subject because so much is put into looks. I raised my husbands 2 children ages 4 & 7 and our two children, put up with his mother and my mother dominating our lives - lots of stress - worked full time and cared for the children by myself as my husband was aways gone. There is more to life than nice fuzzy warm feelings - after I gave all my young years and gave it all I had and I don't look so good - if that was all he wants - he is free to go after it.
My husband's first wife was a drunk, a nempho and deserted her children - yet she looked good - therefore people showed more respect for that than someone who raised her kids, was a good person, a Christian and a hard worker - yet 'let herself go' if that's what you call it when you don't have time for yourself. What you say has lasting results. My husband has always been kind to me by not saying much about my weight - but once he was telling me about the guys standing around making fun of a fat person - he said they didn't know I had a fat wife - WOW - I said you had nothing to say about having a good wife. That has never left me. No matter how hard I try - I will never gain any respect from anyone because I am overweight. Always had good jobs because I knew I had to work hard because I could not get anyplace on my looks - so I earned my way up the ladder - but no matter how good a person you are - if you are overweight - it is all wiped out because of how you look.
Thanks Dallas - well I'm taking time now - LOL - I'm 76 years old - guess it's never too late. You are right everyone needs to watch their health - Too late for my self-esteem - it went a long time ago.
East Texas - I lived in Dallas also
This is intriguing advice. So many men need to be able to do this as they (and their wive's) get older. I'd very much welcome more advice on how to do this.The only problem is that it won't take very long before her aging body just doesn't look like a 20 year old's. You need to take steps to cultivate desire for her, yes it can be done.
Focus on what is important to you about your spouse. If she lost a leg, would you love her any less? Well, if the answer to that is "yes" - this isn't going to work. But anyway .. so, what drew you to her, other than her youth? Her sense of humor? Her values? Whatever it is over and above her youthfulness, those things will not change. Those should be the attributes that you truly love, and focus upon. Also, pray that you should always perceive her as young in your eyes. There is a lot more to youth than age, imo. Some people are old in their attitude when they are quite young, whereas others can maintain a positive and youthful outlook. You should both work to keep a youthful outlook - staying fit and healthy is a part of that. Having fun is important. Don't ever get like "we are old now, so we can't kick up a fuss any more." Of course you can!!This is intriguing advice. So many men need to be able to do this as they (and their wive's) get older. I'd very much welcome more advice on how to do this.
I'm not responding to the OP - this is a different poster asking about a different thing i.e. continuing to love your spouse as they get older.I guess the difference to me in that logic is that - can we equate losing a limb to gaining weight? She cant really do anything if she loses a limb, but is she willing to do something bout the weight gain or did we establish that maybe she has depression or something?
And yes, despite whatever struggles our spouse is going through it helps to focus on the positive and love them for those things and to support them so they can turn their struggles to success.
In my case, my love for my wife is unchanging. I love her as much today as the day we married. However there is a disconnect between loving my wife and finding her to be sexually attractive. Love is a decision, a commitment, a deep bond. Attraction/arousal is chemical/hormonal. I think she is a beautiful person. But that isnt the kind of beauty that gets my pulse racing.Focus on what is important to you about your spouse. If she lost a leg, would you love her any less? Well, if the answer to that is "yes" - this isn't going to work. But anyway .. so, what drew you to her, other than her youth? Her sense of humor? Her values?...Those should be the attributes that you truly love, and focus upon.
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