My daughter just told me she hurts herself. Then she said she's not sure she should have told me because I might look at her differently or not trust her anymore. She doesn't want to go to counseling. She says it's no big deal and to just forget it. My plan is for me to go to counseling and go from there. My question is, in the meantime what can I do for her. It feels weird not to talk about something so important but I also don't want her to really regret telling me. She's 14, and says she's lost her faith in God. By the way, when she told me I was calm, hugged her and told her nothing she could do could change how I feel about her. She says she does it when she's angry. Thank you
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How can I help my daughter
- Thread starter TheirMom
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Hey Their mom! Welcome to the forum!
First of all Well Done!!!
when my Dad found out about my SI he totally lost it with me! All I needed was a hug and reassurance, so well done, your right so far!
Your daughter has taken a HUGE step in talking to you and will need to know that she can trust you if she is going to open up to you more! I dont know really what it is you should do, because everyone is different but you having councelling sounds like a really good idea!
that should help you!
Also, I was thinking, and I'll pray for you about this, you said your daughter told you she has lost faith! How you handle this will be a real witness to her of God in your life! I pray that God would grant you a real understanding of how your daughter feels (because it is difficult to understand) that he would give you wisdom of how to handle it, and would grant you the right words to say to your daughter, so that she will not only get through this, learning healthier ways of dealing with her anger, but that she would come out the other end knowing that she has a mother, and a God who love her, and only ever want whats best for her!
Finnx
First of all Well Done!!!
when my Dad found out about my SI he totally lost it with me! All I needed was a hug and reassurance, so well done, your right so far!
Your daughter has taken a HUGE step in talking to you and will need to know that she can trust you if she is going to open up to you more! I dont know really what it is you should do, because everyone is different but you having councelling sounds like a really good idea!
that should help you!Also, I was thinking, and I'll pray for you about this, you said your daughter told you she has lost faith! How you handle this will be a real witness to her of God in your life! I pray that God would grant you a real understanding of how your daughter feels (because it is difficult to understand) that he would give you wisdom of how to handle it, and would grant you the right words to say to your daughter, so that she will not only get through this, learning healthier ways of dealing with her anger, but that she would come out the other end knowing that she has a mother, and a God who love her, and only ever want whats best for her!
Finnx
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BrokenForHim
Well-Known Member
welcome to the forum. I'd also like to say that what you have done so far is awesome, well done....Finn has said it all so I really have nothing more to say...I'll be praying for you and your daughter, if you ever need to talk I'm just a pm away
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Hi...I read your post a while ago and it made me cry. I started self-harming when i was about 17 and all i wanted was for my parents to see that i was hurting and wanting their love...instead i continued to be abused. When they found me bleeding crying on my bedroom floor they just abused me more...and all i wanted was for them to care...like you care for your daughter...The fact that she felt she could tell you speaks volumes about how wonderful your relationship is. When I hurt myself when i was younger it was just screaming for help because my parents just kept on hurting me and couldn't see that i needed help. The only person who eventually helped me was my doctor because no one else cared. You must be a wonderful mum who loves her daughter very much...I wish i had you around!
God Bless you!
If you need anything, just PM me.
God Bless you!
If you need anything, just PM me.
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Sisof8
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- Sep 13, 2005
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Hey TM,
First off kudos to you for asking for help! That is a sign of humility and opens the door for God to do many things when you're willing to admit you don't have all the answers.
Secondly, I do self-injure and a booklet that helped me AND those I love who are trying to understand me is - Self-Injury;
By: Edward T. Welch Mr. Welch does and excellent job not only of clearly describing the feelings and reasonings of many people who self-injure, but also brings it all back to God and how self-injurious behavior is primarily related to God. EXCELLENT! I reread this a couple weeks ago and was just mazed at how accurately he portrayed what goes on inside of me. It's very inexspensive and you might even be able to get a copy from your pastor or something. Anyways... that's all I could think.
First off kudos to you for asking for help! That is a sign of humility and opens the door for God to do many things when you're willing to admit you don't have all the answers.
Secondly, I do self-injure and a booklet that helped me AND those I love who are trying to understand me is - Self-Injury;
By: Edward T. Welch Mr. Welch does and excellent job not only of clearly describing the feelings and reasonings of many people who self-injure, but also brings it all back to God and how self-injurious behavior is primarily related to God. EXCELLENT! I reread this a couple weeks ago and was just mazed at how accurately he portrayed what goes on inside of me.
It's very inexspensive and you might even be able to get a copy from your pastor or something. Anyways... that's all I could think.
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angelkiss
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- Dec 15, 2005
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s to you!! You sound a lot like my own momma and it really brings tears to my eyes. When she found that I was SI'ing, she was upset, but handled it so well at the same time. That's a step of showing her how well she can count on you. I know it's got to be hard to be a parent and watch your child go through this. My momma just showed me all the support and encouragement that she could and she let me know that no matter what, she still loved me. And she sent many prayers up for me. My situation was slightly different, for I had other illnesses that I was seeking help for and was already seeking help from a therapist. I know from experience that when you're in denial, it's hard to get through. I told my momma for two years that I was fine and nothing was wrong with me, but eventually, I realized that I had to seek help for I could no longer do things on my own. I really don't know what to tell you that would be of much help, but I will say: My prayers are with you and your daughter. 
s and 
es!!
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mahalia
barefoot rural kid
hey! wow wow and wow!
i've been praying for you and your daughter since i read this post and i am just soooo glad that you took it calmly... i started SI aged 12 and never told my parents. my "best friend" spread rumours about me and the one true thing was the SI... and my parents heard of it. they were so angry and disappointment. ironically, it being the only true rumour, it was also the only one i was able to ocnvince them was a lie.
anyways, i doubt i will ever tell them, i don't think i want to. but praise be to God that your daughter trusts in you and told you. keep going with the good work!
she probably doesn't want an overdose of sympathy, so try to still treat her normally... however, be a support to her when she comes home from school and it would be great if you could try to lessen any tension at home as much as you can.
i remember when i was 14, my faith was also weak. i think it's a by-product of adolescence. it would be great if you could share things that God has done for you, with her, so she can see faith isn't just there, it's constant in our lives. i know that the my parents' life stories have sometimes been the only thing that keep me going, cos you can truly see that God worked in their lives.
does your daughter's school have like, school counselors or something? if they do, it might be nice if you mentioned it to her. i say this because i'm the kind of person who hates the idea of seeking help, but i see my school counselor cos it's free (don't know if it's like that where you are) thus my parents don't have to know a thing about it and i can just make an appointment for sometime during a free period. maybe your daughter is the same? i don't know... but it's worth a try.
also, thumbsup for being willing to go seek counseling yourself. it's definitely steps in the right direction!
all of the best, i'll be praying for you.
keep well
love always
God bless
m
i've been praying for you and your daughter since i read this post and i am just soooo glad that you took it calmly... i started SI aged 12 and never told my parents. my "best friend" spread rumours about me and the one true thing was the SI... and my parents heard of it. they were so angry and disappointment. ironically, it being the only true rumour, it was also the only one i was able to ocnvince them was a lie.
anyways, i doubt i will ever tell them, i don't think i want to. but praise be to God that your daughter trusts in you and told you. keep going with the good work!
she probably doesn't want an overdose of sympathy, so try to still treat her normally... however, be a support to her when she comes home from school and it would be great if you could try to lessen any tension at home as much as you can.
i remember when i was 14, my faith was also weak. i think it's a by-product of adolescence. it would be great if you could share things that God has done for you, with her, so she can see faith isn't just there, it's constant in our lives. i know that the my parents' life stories have sometimes been the only thing that keep me going, cos you can truly see that God worked in their lives.
does your daughter's school have like, school counselors or something? if they do, it might be nice if you mentioned it to her. i say this because i'm the kind of person who hates the idea of seeking help, but i see my school counselor cos it's free (don't know if it's like that where you are) thus my parents don't have to know a thing about it and i can just make an appointment for sometime during a free period. maybe your daughter is the same? i don't know... but it's worth a try.
also, thumbsup
for being willing to go seek counseling yourself. it's definitely steps in the right direction!all of the best, i'll be praying for you.
keep well
love always
God bless
m
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sellingsell
Active Member
I've been SIing since I was 12, and I only told my mom last year. She was very understanding, but she thinks that I can just stop. Don't think that way. Its so hard to stop.
I really hate to think of how I made my mom feel when I told her. It must be so hard on you. But she told you. And there is no doubt that that was one of the hardest things she's had to do in a long time, especially if she had a close relationship with you.
Whatever you do, don't flip out and take all the sharp objects out of the house or something. Because that won't do a thing. Just be there for her. Don't do "checks" to see if she's been hurting herself. If you want to know, just calmly ask, "Have you been hurting yourself? I just want to be here for you" or something.
I can't speak for all SI'ing girls/guys, but I know that thats how I'd have liked my mom to handle this. She does checks every now and again, but thats really not that terrible at all.
So yeah. Thats my two cents on this.
I really hate to think of how I made my mom feel when I told her. It must be so hard on you. But she told you. And there is no doubt that that was one of the hardest things she's had to do in a long time, especially if she had a close relationship with you.
Whatever you do, don't flip out and take all the sharp objects out of the house or something. Because that won't do a thing. Just be there for her. Don't do "checks" to see if she's been hurting herself. If you want to know, just calmly ask, "Have you been hurting yourself? I just want to be here for you" or something.
I can't speak for all SI'ing girls/guys, but I know that thats how I'd have liked my mom to handle this. She does checks every now and again, but thats really not that terrible at all.
So yeah. Thats my two cents on this.
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wow you are a good mom!!
All my parents do is ignore me if i self-injure, or yell at me.
My mom tells me she has no hope for me anymore, that I'm going to Hell for this.
Please, please, please keep doing what you're doing for your daughter!! I know she'll appreciate it on the inside.
All my parents do is ignore me if i self-injure, or yell at me.
My mom tells me she has no hope for me anymore, that I'm going to Hell for this.
Please, please, please keep doing what you're doing for your daughter!! I know she'll appreciate it on the inside.
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