How can I help my 9 year old daughter?

[DomesticGoddess]

My 9 year old daughter was being bullied at school so my husband and I moved her to a new one. However, the stress has taken it's toll on her and she has been scrtching herself with knives and banging her head with things. She also sees things that aren't there and has experiences of "floating out of her body".

I am desperate to help her, but am not sure where to start.

 

[oneandlonely]

Do some research. Selfinjury.com is a good place to start. they have a book called "Bodily Harm" its a wonderful book. I really encourage you to read it. http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/ is a really good site too.

Could you get her into some counseling? These things ALWAYS have a deeper issue, and it would be good to get her some help to work through it.

Most importantly, know that she isn't doing this to hurt you. She is doing this because she is hurting. Just show her lots of love. Let her know that you are there for her, she may not always take you up on that offer. but let her know its there. and don't be upset with her if she doesn't always take you up on it.

 

[ChristInAction]

show her you love her, that she's important to you. learn all you can about self-injury. Be there so she can talk to you, hug her.
& PLEASE dont let it go on. She doesnt want to end up older with this addiction she cant brake.

I aggree with one&loney, try to get her some councelling.

 

[LazeyWinde]

Counseling would definately be a step in the right direction. I wish I'd gotten more support and help when I was younger.
In the meantime try to come up with alternatives to self harming, like maybe get your daughter some temporary tattoos to put on instead of cutting.
For the floating some grounding exercises could help, like holding a piece of ice or focusing on an object or her environment.
And be very patient with her.

 

[DomesticGoddess]

Thnak you for your kind replies and personal messages. My husband and I have moved our daughter to a new school to escape the bullies, if she doesn't settle there, then we would homeschool her.
We've seen our doctor to get her referred for counseling. We are in the UK, so due to the free healthcare system, there may be a wait before an appointment comes through for her.

I suffer with depression myself and so have great empathy for how she is feeling. I wonder if I have passed something on to her. My dh and I try to make our home a loving place and a refuge from the world.

Has anyone here tried using aromatherapy or homeopathy to help with their emotions? I want to dl all that I can to help.

 

[LazeyWinde]

Stuff like anxiety and depression can be hereditary, I've seen enough of it in my family to not be surprised with how... unusual... my mental state is. But having a mental illness can come in useful sometimes, I prefer talking to people like me because they can understand me better, and seem to have more patience with me when I'm really out there. Your daughter will benefit with having a mother who can relate with what she's going through.
I've never tried aromatherapy but I've noticed teas with lavender (especially lavender, I practically swear by lavender) and chamomille help me a lot. So go after lavender stuff. St John's Wort is supposed to be good too but I've never tried it.

 

[Akathist]

Before trying any kind of natural product talk to your daughter's physician. St. John's Wort can interfere with the results of prescribed medication. In addition products like that are not regulated so you never know how much of the actual chemical is being taken. It therefore could be even dangerous to use, especially in a young child.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

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[Mr.Cheese]

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[COD2009]

You should try talking with her comfort her and tell her things will be ok sometimes its not only school that bothers children

 

[berry2000]

I would get her to a mental health physician she may have a mental health issue that medication could help with. That must be really hard she is so young I am praying for her.

 

[Moana]

Talk with her be there for her, try to keep sharp objects out of reach. Ask her how she feels when she does this and why/how it helps.

 

[oneandlonely]

Talk with her be there for her, try to keep sharp objects out of reach. Ask her how she feels when she does this and why/how it helps.

I don't agree with keeping sharps away. Honestly, if my parents had done that I think it would have put me more on edge. And in all likelihood, if she really wants to harm, she will find a away, regardless of what you do. There are lots of things that you can turn into sharps (but I won't say what here), and if she really wants to harm she will find a way.

 

[Moana]

I don't agree with keeping sharps away. Honestly, if my parents had done that I think it would have put me more on edge. And in all likelihood, if she really wants to harm, she will find a away, regardless of what you do. There are lots of things that you can turn into sharps (but I won't say what here), and if she really wants to harm she will find a way.

I wouln't want anny accedents to happen that;s all.

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

There are a lot of arguments for and against taking sharps away. Ideally you get to the point where you trust someone enough to give them your sharps instead of using them. As oneandlonely said, physically taking them away wont necessarily stop a person harming themselves either.

Coming from the other side though, I can't imagine many parents or friends who would be comfortable leaving their child/friend with sharp objects, already knowing that they could get hurt.

I'll be praying for you and your family DomesticGoddess (and an appointment ).

 

[ganlynde]

I've lived in a foster home for 9 years and have seen many cases like your daughter. There is only so much love, hugs, and understanding can do against chemical imbalance and mental illness. She needs counseling. Without it, her condition could easily escalate to a place where it is much harder to come back from.

All the best to you and yours,

Gan

 

[lostndown]

wow!!! at 9 yrs old????? im sorry sweetie. im not sure what to say. i use to SI in 2003 - 2004 but i am 100% fine of it now. ill keep her in my prayers

 

[Infidus]

Encourage her to talk to you about what she's feeling and be understanding. Don't try to restrict her by taking sharp objects away, it will only make her feel anxious and angry. But also encourage her not to cut, tell her how it makes you feel.

For the floating. There is a grounding excersize I have found helpful

Have her sit upright on the ground and close her eyes, relaxing each part of the body a few inches at a time (her feet and ankles, then calves, then thighs and so on up her body) until she's completely relaxed (you might want to support her back) Then ask her to envision a line between her lowerback/tailbone connecting to the earth until she feels it. (should take 5-10 minutes) Have her do it every day or so.

Should help

Also Try suicide forums, they have a self harm section with a stickyed post talking about what will happen cutting now, and how it will effect you in the future.

I advise you read it first to make sure it's appropriate for her...but this has discouraged A LOT of my friends from cutting. It might help her.

 

[mamalonglegs]

I think there are multiple levels of things going on by the symptoms you are expressing. Counseling is a good thing. You and your husband's constant loving support is even more important. I loved the lots of hugs reply. She needs those more than you know. I have High Functioning Autistic Aspergers. I would have her checked for that as well. Some of things you said rang that bell for me. There is a site in this forum on Autism and Aspergers.
Heredity is big time and remember your child does not have the tools you do to deal with what you suffer from is she has the same type of things. You must support her with all you have.
Teach her and help her know in her heart not just her mind that she is loved.
mamalonglegs