She has liked to abuse animals since she was little. She even killed her two hamsters, hits and makes fun of little kids and her classmates. When she hurts an animal, she likes the fear in its eyes, the pain.
She has two personalities, the first one is wise and respectful, and the second one is bad and cruel. I'm afraid that her real personality is the second one.
When she appears "wise and respectful" does it appear genuine to you? Or do you think of it as her attempting to manipulate the feelings of others?
I can understand that when someone, especially a loved one, displays what appear to conflicting personality traits...there's a tendency to think that person is "faking" those traits...but that's not always the case. It's entirely possible that she can be wise, respectful, and willing to physically hurt people all too easily for unacceptable reasons. Even children can be emotionally complex.
She is a very good liar, she loves to lie. If she wants to create a scenario about anything she wants, she would do it and everyone would believe her. She's very manipulative. She stole toys when she was at the kindergarten and when she was nine or ten years old she stole a secret code from a plush toy which cost very much. She stole it when the seller was busy, but in that shop there were cameras. She sat in the dead corner of the camera and stole it! She planned all these things from home, and as I said, she was only nine or ten!! She told me about this when she was thirteen. I was shocked! She's very very intelligent! How could a child plan these things with so much attention without missing anything?!
An intelligent child can be very different from an intelligent adult. Without the proper emotional growth...what we call maturity...intelligence in a child can become destructive behaviors. Would it be safe to say she has a high opinion of herself and little regard for the feelings of others (especially those she hurts)?
When she does something wrong, I tell her about it and she doesn't seem to feel sorry.
She often watches men abusing animals on the internet and likes it. She seems a bad person.
We are a good family, nobody hurts her or somethig, what can I do? She scares me!
From your description here, she seems to demonstrate all three aspects of the "dark triad". The a psychological term for people who exhibit narcissism, sociopathy, and psychopathy. Now, I'll admit that probably sounds pretty awful...but that's because of the context in which we (the general public) hear those terms. It's usually when some serial killer, mass murderer, or other type of horrible criminal makes the news. It's not too common for a person to exhibit all those traits to the degree that they're so noticeable...but individually they're all rather common.
Simply put, psychopathy is the willingness to use violence to solve problems (or worse as a form of entertainment) far more often and for far worse reasons than most people would.
Simply put, sociopathy is typified by a significantly reduced empathy for others (that's when it's most noticeable)...but really it's just a reduced emotional capacity. There's some new thinking in the world of psychology that sociopaths (and some psychopaths) actually do feel the full range of emotions as everyone else....the difference is that they can exert a far greater control over these emotions than the rest of us. It's almost as if they have a switch in their heads that the can flip whenever negative feelings manifest....and avoid having them affect their behaviors. We tend to think of sociopathy as entirely negative...but chances are that your little girl can handle very stressful situations better than some adults you know.
The narcissism is actually probably going to be the toughest aspect to help her with. Her ability to physically or emotionally dominate people (by which I mean using those skills to affect a desired outcome) is only going to feed into her narcissism. She'll need to understand that these aren't often acceptable means to an end....and it's going to be difficult for you to shame her because of the sociopathy. I would suggest increasing her responsibilities and chores....whether it's doing the dishes, washing the car, or mowing the lawn...the idea is to give her tasks that she can fail, or at least complete poorly....and then teach her how she failed and the proper way to succeed.
It probably goes without saying, but she needs to see a professional about these problems. He/She may be able to work out a cognitive behavioral therapy plan for her. I would be very reluctant about any doctor suggesting medication right off the bat. She's still young enough that cognitive behavioral therapy could lead to significant improvements.
There is an upside to all of this...quite a few highly successful people would be considered to display at least two of the three dark triad traits. CEOs, doctors, lawyers, etc...not quite what you'd expect. It makes sense though....a doctor who can remain emotionally distant can operate without any fear of failure. A lawyer skilled in manipulating emotions in the jury can more easily win cases. This isn't all negative and you should try to look at it that way. Assuming that she gets the help she doesn't realize she needs....and you realize that your love alone won't fix these problems....she can still lead a happy, healthy life outside of a jail cell.
