How can I heal?

[Moonlight sonata]

..

 

[Michie]

How can I be healed? I came out of the occult when I read the bible, but my time in it did much damage to my spirit. I’ve been in an abusive marriage for over ten years with a husband that thinks I’m an enemy and ‘evil’ because I have different viewpoints to him about a lot of things in life. He constantly criticises and accuses me and always has done. I’ve suffered from depression as a result of all this and also been abused mentally and physically by the mental health system. I was forced on medication against my will. The medication caused me to drift away from my relationship with God and to not care about anything or anyone anymore. I couldn’t concentrate enough to read my bible anymore and stopped caring to. My heart became cold and my faith disintegrated. I then ended up committing adultery, there is no excuse I know, but it was a distraction from the pain and I was happy to have the attention of someone who seemed to care. But now, I can’t even feel emotion anymore. I cannot feel happy or sad. I cannot cry a tear no matter how hard I try. I feel like an automaton. Like a shell, with no spirit inside... dead. I hate myself for committing adultery and don’t even want to be here anymore. I used to be the sort of person that would cry with others through their pain, because I was born with deep empathy and compassion. Now I only use my ‘memory’ of what it feels like to have compassion to try and understand others, because I don’t have it. Now I feel absolutely nothing. I even feel empty when my child hugs me. How can I get back to old me? The one that had a loving and compassionate heart? I have prayed and asked God to grant me a new heart and to renew a right spirit in me so so so many times, but I feel no different and I don’t feel connected to Him or hear his voice. I feel lost..and damaged.

You really needs to see a doctor. You have all the classic signs of depression. Prayers for you and your guidance.

 

[A_Thinker]

How can I be healed? I came out of the occult when I read the bible, but my time in it did much damage to my spirit. I’ve been in an abusive marriage for over ten years with a husband that thinks I’m an enemy and ‘evil’ because I have different viewpoints to him about a lot of things in life. He constantly criticises and accuses me and always has done. I’ve suffered from depression as a result of all this and also been abused mentally and physically by the mental health system. I was forced on medication against my will. The medication caused me to drift away from my relationship with God and to not care about anything or anyone anymore. I couldn’t concentrate enough to read my bible anymore and stopped caring to. My heart became cold and my faith disintegrated. I then ended up committing adultery, there is no excuse I know, but it was a distraction from the pain and I was happy to have the attention of someone who seemed to care. But now, I can’t even feel emotion anymore. I cannot feel happy or sad. I cannot cry a tear no matter how hard I try. I feel like an automaton. Like a shell, with no spirit inside... dead. I hate myself for committing adultery and don’t even want to be here anymore. I used to be the sort of person that would cry with others through their pain, because I was born with deep empathy and compassion. Now I only use my ‘memory’ of what it feels like to have compassion to try and understand others, because I don’t have it. Now I feel absolutely nothing. I even feel empty when my child hugs me. How can I get back to old me? The one that had a loving and compassionate heart? I have prayed and asked God to grant me a new heart and to renew a right spirit in me so so so many times, but I feel no different and I don’t feel connected to Him or hear his voice. I feel lost..and damaged.

You are traumatized.

Give God time ... to heal your heart.

In the meantime, ... find one thing (or more) ... which contributes beauty ... or joy ... or goodness ... to your life ... and concentrate your attention ... to that/those things. It's a good thing to concentrate on the good things that God brings to our lives ... while God mends our soul.

Avoid the occult at all points. It will only seek to drag you down ...

 

[tturt]

So sorry that you are going through this. Glad that you are turning to the Lord. "The Lord is close to those who are of a broken hearted and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humbly and thoroughly penitent." PSA 34:18

Encourage you to thank God for healing you. When the thoughts come about what isn't happening, turn your thoughts to Him and His promises. He is healing you. Even though it is difficult, forgive others and yourself. But we can do these impossible things - only with His help. Praying for you.

 

[Moonlight sonata]

You really needs to see a doctor. You have all the classic signs of depression. Prayers for you and your guidance.

Thanks Michie, but doctors have done me more harm than good when it comes to depression.

 

[splish- splash]

May The Good Lord come through for you. Amen

 

[Michie]

Thanks Michie, but doctors have done me more harm than good when it comes to depression.

I think you just need to find the right doctor. Climbing out of depression is never easy even with professional help. I know. I’ve been there. There is the issue when you feel this way you are not thinking clearly and we rarely think or make the right decisions. It’s tough but a lot depends on us. But please know I have the utmost sympathy for you and pray that you get the help and healing you need.

 

[crossnote]

Psalm 107:19-20 NKJV
[19] Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, And He saved them out of their distresses. [20] He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.

 

[eleos1954]

How can I be healed? I came out of the occult when I read the bible, but my time in it did much damage to my spirit. I’ve been in an abusive marriage for over ten years with a husband that thinks I’m an enemy and ‘evil’ because I have different viewpoints to him about a lot of things in life. He constantly criticises and accuses me and always has done. I’ve suffered from depression as a result of all this and also been abused mentally and physically by the mental health system. I was forced on medication against my will. The medication caused me to drift away from my relationship with God and to not care about anything or anyone anymore. I couldn’t concentrate enough to read my bible anymore and stopped caring to. My heart became cold and my faith disintegrated. I then ended up committing adultery, there is no excuse I know, but it was a distraction from the pain and I was happy to have the attention of someone who seemed to care. But now, I can’t even feel emotion anymore. I cannot feel happy or sad. I cannot cry a tear no matter how hard I try. I feel like an automaton. Like a shell, with no spirit inside... dead. I hate myself for committing adultery and don’t even want to be here anymore. I used to be the sort of person that would cry with others through their pain, because I was born with deep empathy and compassion. Now I only use my ‘memory’ of what it feels like to have compassion to try and understand others, because I don’t have it. Now I feel absolutely nothing. I even feel empty when my child hugs me. How can I get back to old me? The one that had a loving and compassionate heart? I have prayed and asked God to grant me a new heart and to renew a right spirit in me so so so many times, but I feel no different and I don’t feel connected to Him or hear his voice. I feel lost..and damaged.

If you have confessed your sin and asked for forgiveness then receive it and begin anew.

John 8:1-11 New Living Translation (NLT)

A Woman Caught in Adultery
8 Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, 2 but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. 3 As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

4 “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

6 They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. 7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” 8 Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

11 “No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

 

[Mak33y]

Find a christian doctor or counselor in your area who can help you with the depression at the same time helps you direct your faith again to Jesus Christ. Nothing is impossible with God, most important pray, always pray.

 

[LayHong_Loves_Christ]

There is no supernatural healing anymore, God has stopped it.

 

[grace4ever]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us. I am so sorry you are dealing with such a difficult situation. These forums are great for sharing burdens, venting, and asking for advice. Let me tell you my friend that you are important, valuable and a person worth of dignity. I’m truly sorry for what you are going through. Even in the darkest moments in our lives, there is always hope. In spite of this situation let me tell you that you are important and valuable person and you are a person of worth of dignity. God loves you with an unconditional, infinite and merciful love. He made you as His image and likeness. Let me tell you my sister in Christ that you may be having a hard time believing this, but that doesn’t disqualify you from being loved and valued for exactly who you are. It is normal that sometimes we question our lives because we do not live with a purpose. Sometimes, that makes us that our life that this doesn’t make sense. Has you ever thought to forgive yourself, situations and your DH? Forgiveness does not mean that he or you did is right. Forgiveness means that instead of being judgmental I understand the situation. It means that you let the problem go. It is the first step of healing and change. It will restore his joy and peace. It’s not good to hold off for much longer. It is the first step of healing and change. However, let me tell you that you do have a purpose in life. Maybe it can sound like a cliché however things happen for a reason. Perhaps have you ever thought to seek counseling or therapy for your marriage? Counseling or therapy works through things like this. You and your DH are worthy of fighting. Brave couples are those who seek for help outside the marriage. In addition, since you mentioned about occult practices, those keep you away from God. Let me tell you my sister in the faith that God is a God second chances and second opportunities. He loves you very much and He never abandons you. If you are repented and want to come back to Him, He will waiting for you with his wide open arms. I would encourage you to suggest that you seek a Catholic diocese in your area to consult with an exorcist priest who can help you. They are specialist in demonology and can give you the assistance and healing that you are seeking. I hope this helps. Sending you lots of hugs. I will keep you and your relative in my prayers, my sister in Christ..

 

[AWorkInProgress]

"The human spirit can endure a sick body,
but who can bear a crushed spirit?"
Proverbs 18:14 NLT

Hi Moonlight S,

Moonlight S, by your words you are a very broken woman and it sounds like you might have escaped your abuser. I believe you are still that very compassionate and loving person, but how can you give love when you haven't recieved any. I would say you are numb, and it is going to take time to work out your feelings in a healthy means.

When the Lord saved me, my problems didn't go away. Instead, I was no longer alone facing them. When the screaming voices in my head would rise to tell me how much the world would be a better place without me, the Holy Spirit would whisper into my spirit the truth. That everything was OK, I made a mistake and I can pray for forgiveness. I hated my sin so much.. but my Lord was more concerned about my broken heart. I learned that Jesus is more forgiving than I was to myself. Learning how to forgive myself was by far the second hardest thing to learn to do.

The hardest thing to learn was to accept the grace the Lord poured over my life. I was like my Mom, not wanting to owe anyone, to be self-sufficient. Yet I needed help over and over again, the Lord would deliver me. There was no way I could EVER pay him back... I had to realize that was it. I couldn't repay him back, he loved me that much.

As long as you are breathing, you can heal, you can be saved, you can recover from a crushed spirit as I have. It is a process and there will be many mistakes and ugly days ahead. Hold on to Jesus like I did, even when everything inside of you wants to run away.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose."
-Romans 8:28 ESV (Emphasis added)

The beautiful thing about my God, he doesn't come to save the perfect people. He came to save sinners, to take the broken and make something beautiful out of them. I know he can do it for you as well!

 

[Renata8]

How can I be healed? I came out of the occult when I read the bible, but my time in it did much damage to my spirit. I’ve been in an abusive marriage for ....

Hi Moonlight, I see that you’ve been blessed by God, in that you’ve overcome a lot, As well as being in the occult, he’s given you wisdom beyond’ what you’re seeking. I believe he has favoured you, so you could show favor to others that are trapped in the situation you were in. If you know anyone like yourself who can overcome what you have, you need to reach out to them. Be strong and pull them out.

Start writing down what you’re grateful for and encourage others around you like your little one to do the same. Stop speaking negatively about yourself. Remember God made you. You were made by a God. Isn’t that flattering. Jesus has a purpose for you.

I’ll share with you what I’m grateful for. Im grateful that God gave me life. I’m grateful for food and water. A lot of people go days and days without. I’m grateful for sunshine. I love warmth. I’m grateful to have met you. It’s not easy leaving the life you were in behind. Sometimes God gives the toughest jobs to his strongest soldiers, I believe you are blessed. Pray and thank God for everything you’re grateful for and thank him for continuing to bless and protect you and Pray for the others like you that need help.
God bless you always xo xo.

 

[JennaB33]

Hi @Moonlight sonata are you still active on Christian forums?

 

[Moonlight sonata]

Hi JennaB33, yes I am still active on the forums.. not all the time, just now and again.


Thanks everyone for your insights. It’s a hard time but it helps to talk here when not currently connected to a church.

 

[JennaB33]

I’m wondering, have you been through soul healing and repentance?

 

[Moonlight sonata]

Jenna B33.. I have been through a deep deep repentance.. but soul healing? Not sure what you mean? I just pray to Jesus to heal my soul and hope that He will answer and take away some of the pain that I feel soon.

 

[JennaB33]

You are feeling pain in your heart? I definitely believe that Jesus will heal that as His grace is sufficient for you and His love is always flowing towards you as you seek Him more. “Seek for me and you will find me when you seek and with all of your heart.” I believe you will find Him. His voice is still and promising. Follow His word and glimpses of His peace. He knows your heart.

 

[Moonlight sonata]

Thanks Jenna