How can I get my 12 yr old into church?

[laconicstudent]

well duh obviously it would have to be another day.

The OP is a Seventh-Day Adventist. They don't do other days.

having to go to church because "this is what we do as a family" will not effect that but it sure establishes a good religious foundation!...

Yeah, if you define a "good religious foundation" as coming to hate church and that with which it is associated via psychological reactance because one's parents shoved it down their young adult offspring's throat for nearly two decadefs.

some think that he will still be "lost etc" by not going to church now, so whats to lose?..so she should enforce this as a policy in her home..as for me and my house we shall serve the Lord...im not talking about every sunday..bible service of the year...just when she goes be it 2x month or whatever

For the third time, she does not do Sunday church, she does it Saturday when her ex-husband has custody. Also, no, forcing adolescents who have no desire to go is merely going to engender resentment.

 

[heron]

Also, no, forcing adolescents who have no desire to go is merely going to engender resentment.

Sometimes it will, sometimes it won't.

 

[laconicstudent]

Sometimes it will, sometimes it won't.

It happens enough that I wouldn't recommend the authoritarian strategy to anyone who actually wants their child to continue on in the church when they become an adult.

 

[Kaitlin08]

At his age, you might be able to take him to church by convincing him that it's the right thing to do.

 

[JCFantasy23]

People also can worship and get close to God without church. Some people can't attend or don't attend for awhile, doesn't mean they are not close to God. Once you talk to him and find out the reasons, it would be best to work from there. Maybe you can come to a compromise of having him try church twice a month for a few months and then work from there.

 

[cobweb]

It happens enough that I wouldn't recommend the authoritarian strategy to anyone who actually wants their child to continue on in the church when they become an adult.

I actually disagree.

I have an 11 year old. He would rather stay home and play xbox than go to Church (he would rather do the same instead of going to school too). WE go to a Church as a family. I am responsible for his soul and this is not a democracy.

My husband's parents never made him go to Church. Mine did. Sure, I rebelled a bit as a young adult... but I am very glad they insisted on giving me a firm spiritual foundation. My husband doesn't have that.

 

[laconicstudent]

I actually disagree.

I have an 11 year old. He would rather stay home and play xbox than go to Church (he would rather do the same instead of going to school too). WE go to a Church as a family. I am responsible for his soul and this is not a democracy.

My husband's parents never made him go to Church. Mine did. Sure, I rebelled a bit as a young adult... but I am very glad they insisted on giving me a firm spiritual foundation. My husband doesn't have that.

Hm, well, it depends on the situation. I don't know what is going on in the OP's household, and as at 12 one begins to function cognitively on a more adult level, I chose to assume that her son's reluctance to go to church was more serious then wanting to play xbox (which I would rather do too in a way ).

I mean, my parents more or less forced us (me and my sister) to do church (despite our resentment) for quite some time. Now, I'm attending an OCA parish, and my sister last week went to church for the first time in ~2.5 years and I haven't heard her pray or see her read the Bible in heavens know how long. So, I'm glad it worked for you, but its a variable mileage strategy in my experience.

 

[cobweb]

Hm, well, it depends on the situation. I don't know what is going on in the OP's household, and as at 12 one begins to function cognitively on a more adult level, I chose to assume that her son's reluctance to go to church was more serious then wanting to play xbox (which I would rather do too in a way ).

I mean, my parents more or less forced us (me and my sister) to do church (despite our resentment) for quite some time. Now, I'm attending an OCA parish, and my sister last week went to church for the first time in ~2.5 years and I haven't heard her pray or see her read the Bible in heavens know how long. So, I'm glad it worked for you, but its a variable mileage strategy in my experience.

To be fair though, I would bet that you are both still quite young. At 21 I was an atheist and rebelling against everything. Lots of young people rebel against their upbringing. Most people mellow a bit with age.

Your views on the subject might be different in another 10-15 years when you are raising kids of your own and are responsible for their spiritual growth.

 

[laconicstudent]

To be fair though, I would bet that you are both still quite young. At 21 I was an atheist and rebelling against everything. Lots of young people rebel against their upbringing. Most people mellow a bit with age.

Your views on the subject might be different in another 10-15 years when you are raising kids of your own and are responsible for their spiritual growth.

Yes, to both, admittedly.

 

[r035198x]

Hm, well, it depends on the situation. I don't know what is going on in the OP's household, and as at 12 one begins to function cognitively on a more adult level, I chose to assume that her son's reluctance to go to church was more serious then wanting to play xbox (which I would rather do too in a way ).

I mean, my parents more or less forced us (me and my sister) to do church (despite our resentment) for quite some time. Now, I'm attending an OCA parish, and my sister last week went to church for the first time in ~2.5 years and I haven't heard her pray or see her read the Bible in heavens know how long. So, I'm glad it worked for you, but its a variable mileage strategy in my experience.

Letting a 12 year old make his own decisions on important matters is generally a bad thing. I know you like making assumptions about people's situations but trying to assume that maybe this 12 year old is now mature beyond his years is a bit of a stretch.

Otherwise, there is a lot of great advice already given in this thread, I especially liked miamited's advice, though we should expect nothing less given that he is a parent.

 

[laconicstudent]

Letting a 12 year old make his own decisions on important matters is generally a bad thing.

Why?

I know you like making assumptions about people's situations

My irony meter just imploded into a black hole.

but trying to assume that maybe this 12 year old is now mature beyond his years is a bit of a stretch.

I'm not. I'm guessing that at twelve, he is, as is developmentally normal, commencing formal operational thought and is increasingly capable of adult-level cognition, and therefore reasoning, not ultimatums, are effective.

 

[Peripatetic]

I am responsible for his soul

responsible for their spiritual growth.

I would say no to the first one, and yes to the second one. As parents, we should be setting a good example, teaching the Bible, and doing our best to nurture the spiritual growth. But we are not responsible for their soul, salvation, or sanctification. That is between them and God, and a true surrender to God's grace comes only when the son or daughter is ready - often after they leave home.

 

[cobweb]

I would say no to the first one, and yes to the second one. As parents, we should be setting a good example, teaching the Bible, and doing our best to nurture the spiritual growth. But we are not responsible for their soul, salvation, or sanctification. That is between them and God, and a true surrender to God's grace comes only when the son or daughter is ready - often after they leave home.

I disagree.... but let us leave it at that.

 

[Shawn Hendrix]

Its tough but community is the key as a lot have replied, I wouldnt worry about the building so much as the real church the people.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Well my situation is that im a divorced single mum with a son aged 12.My ex husband has no faith but I love jesus,when my son goes to visit himm he is an ungodly example,but I cant really stop my son from seeing him because he loves his dad and his dads girlfriend even though they are not walking in Jesus ways,yes i have prayed about it and try to talk to him about Jesus and read literature to him.Im worried because my son has no interest in going to church,he says he loves Jesus but he never wants to join me for church.Im not sure what to do now.The problem is im a seventh day adventist christian and my church day is saturday but Peter goes to his dad on Saturdays organised by the law.I have suggested other churches ie pentecostal churches on sun but hes still not interested,im worried about this.

THE TOTAL AND REAL ANSWER TO THIS PROBLEM STARTS WITH:


John
Chapter 8

31 Jesus then said to those Jews who believed in him, "If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, 32and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Your problem here is caused by church doctrine. (Brand name churches (man made))



Instead of following man you need to follow GOD and HIS WORD:

Proverbs 22:6"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." ​

Psalm 78:4-8 - We should tell God's law to the next generation so we can be sure they know it and can tell their children​

2 Timothy 1:5 - Timothy's genuine faith was first possessed by his mother and his grandmother. They did not just tell Timothy what to believe. They showed him by their own faith. "Actions speak louder than words." ​

Hebrews 5:14 - To discern good and evil, senses must be exercised by reason of practice. It is not enough just to speak truth to children, nor even to set a good example before them. We must also insist that they regularly practice what is right. This will instill in them the habit of doing right and avoiding evil, so they will continue to be faithful throughout life.​

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 - Parents should talk continually of God's commands. Write them down where you see them frequently. All this involves repetition and reminder.​

2 Peter 1:12-15 - Sometimes young people tire of hearing parents repeat things, but Peter repeatedly reminded people of things they already knew. To do otherwise he said would be "neglect." He knew they would need these lessons after he died


Deuteronomy 6:6-9 - We should teach continually (walking, sitting, lying, etc.).

If you both are to walk up the path to the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD take out GOD'S WORD and read it.​

steven​