How can I ever feel sure I haven't commited the unforgivable sin

[curlycurl]

Hi eveyone, im not doing very well right now.
For The past years I've found comfort that I haven't commited the unforgivable sin even though I had constant intrusive blasphemous thoughts that I've had for years, because I realized I felt bad about the thoughts and I still had desire to run to Christ. (And that I didn't mean those thoughts of course, they would just pop up)
But now I'm starting to fear that I don't earnestly want to run to Christ and that I'm not really feeling guilty.
I've done something really bad a few days ago and I accidentally slipped up while repeating positive sentences about the Holy spirit to help with blasmemous thoughts and I accidentally said a blasphemous thing out loud instead. This feels so much worse to me than just having those thoughts pop up in my head.
And I can't find comfort that haven't done it anymore.
I am truly stuck now and I feel like the only thing that can make me feel like it's okay Is God telling me I haven't done it, but I'm scared I'll never get that comfort.
I desperately want to run into Jesus's arms but I'm scared that desire to come to him is just because I want comfort that I still have a chance and then I'll run back to my sin.
And that my desire to run to him is selfish and insincere and I'm not forgiven.
I'm 20 years old, I don't want the rest of my life to be a fearfully awaiting of hellfire.
I don't know what to do. If God is not gonna comfort me, I'm not sure if I'm gonna be okay.
I keep being told by people I haven't done it but I don't get as much comfort from that anyone because I'm scared they are wrong, or if they are just saying it to make me feel better but actually think I have done it.
I can't keep wondering that maybe I've been trying to get saved for like 4 years without luck is because when I was younger, maybe 6-7 ago, I was talking to my Christian friend and I was asking about the sign of the cross in a quite ridiculing way (I back then felt like I was very cool and better than her for not believing in God and being rebellious) and after i was googling next to her what it meant I think i remember I was sort talking about it in a way that was ridiculing and not respectful to God and Jesus and the Holy spirit. I was taking about it as if it was all so very silly.
I really regret this.
I am scared that maybe I was already unforgiven once i did that.
It's very upsetting to me to think that maybe I could've had a great relationship with God already if I wouldn't have done that.

 

[URA]

If God is not gonna comfort me, I'm not sure if I'm gonna be okay.

Good afternoon. I have a friend who is a super-devout Catholic Christian, but she has terrible anxiety & depression & abusive parents. She is very supportive, very prayerful, but struggles as you do. It seems to be the same case, of so much worrying that she did something God hates, that all her worried thoughts block out the comfort of God. I don't really know what to say to her; just being a good friend seems to be the best remedy for her. Foster relationships with your good friends, and pray for them.

One thing I can say is that you're not alone. Not just from the countless people who have some form of OCD or anxiety about their sins, but God Himself did not leave you alone. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"....do these words sound familiar? The Psalmist cries these words, in a psalm that is ultimately a song of victory, and Jesus cries them out in more despair & abandonment than any of us will ever have to endure. Meditate on a Crucifix, and you will learn that Jesus felt the same way you do; your feeling of separation from God means that Jesus is being crucified with you. You have been given a gift of deeper understanding of God's own sufferings, through the gift of your obsession about sin!

 

[d taylor]

Hi eveyone, im not doing very well right now.
For The past years I've found comfort that I haven't commited the unforgivable sin even though I had constant intrusive blasphemous thoughts that I've had for years, because I realized I felt bad about the thoughts and I still had desire to run to Christ. (And that I didn't mean those thoughts of course, they would just pop up)
But now I'm starting to fear that I don't earnestly want to run to Christ and that I'm not really feeling guilty.
I've done something really bad a few days ago and I accidentally slipped up while repeating positive sentences about the Holy spirit to help with blasmemous thoughts and I accidentally said a blasphemous thing out loud instead. This feels so much worse to me than just having those thoughts pop up in my head.
And I can't find comfort that haven't done it anymore.
I am truly stuck now and I feel like the only thing that can make me feel like it's okay Is God telling me I haven't done it, but I'm scared I'll never get that comfort.
I desperately want to run into Jesus's arms but I'm scared that desire to come to him is just because I want comfort that I still have a chance and then I'll run back to my sin.
And that my desire to run to him is selfish and insincere and I'm not forgiven.
I'm 20 years old, I don't want the rest of my life to be a fearfully awaiting of hellfire.
I don't know what to do. If God is not gonna comfort me, I'm not sure if I'm gonna be okay.
I keep being told by people I haven't done it but I don't get as much comfort from that anyone because I'm scared they are wrong, or if they are just saying it to make me feel better but actually think I have done it.
I can't keep wondering that maybe I've been trying to get saved for like 4 years without luck is because when I was younger, maybe 6-7 ago, I was talking to my Christian friend and I was asking about the sign of the cross in a quite ridiculing way (I back then felt like I was very cool and better than her for not believing in God and being rebellious) and after i was googling next to her what it meant I think i remember I was sort talking about it in a way that was ridiculing and not respectful to God and Jesus and the Holy spirit. I was taking about it as if it was all so very silly.
I really regret this.
I am scared that maybe I was already unforgiven once i did that.
It's very upsetting to me to think that maybe I could've had a great relationship with God already if I wouldn't have done that.

Are you speaking of the unforgivable sin in Matthew 12, if so.
You can not commit this sin and no one else can living today, it is that simple. It could have been only committed by the Jews living when Jesus was in Jerusalem and actually not one person committed, it was committed by the nation of Israel.

 

[Soyeong]

Hi eveyone, im not doing very well right now.
For The past years I've found comfort that I haven't commited the unforgivable sin even though I had constant intrusive blasphemous thoughts that I've had for years, because I realized I felt bad about the thoughts and I still had desire to run to Christ. (And that I didn't mean those thoughts of course, they would just pop up)
But now I'm starting to fear that I don't earnestly want to run to Christ and that I'm not really feeling guilty.
I've done something really bad a few days ago and I accidentally slipped up while repeating positive sentences about the Holy spirit to help with blasmemous thoughts and I accidentally said a blasphemous thing out loud instead. This feels so much worse to me than just having those thoughts pop up in my head.
And I can't find comfort that haven't done it anymore.
I am truly stuck now and I feel like the only thing that can make me feel like it's okay Is God telling me I haven't done it, but I'm scared I'll never get that comfort.
I desperately want to run into Jesus's arms but I'm scared that desire to come to him is just because I want comfort that I still have a chance and then I'll run back to my sin.
And that my desire to run to him is selfish and insincere and I'm not forgiven.
I'm 20 years old, I don't want the rest of my life to be a fearfully awaiting of hellfire.
I don't know what to do. If God is not gonna comfort me, I'm not sure if I'm gonna be okay.
I keep being told by people I haven't done it but I don't get as much comfort from that anyone because I'm scared they are wrong, or if they are just saying it to make me feel better but actually think I have done it.
I can't keep wondering that maybe I've been trying to get saved for like 4 years without luck is because when I was younger, maybe 6-7 ago, I was talking to my Christian friend and I was asking about the sign of the cross in a quite ridiculing way (I back then felt like I was very cool and better than her for not believing in God and being rebellious) and after i was googling next to her what it meant I think i remember I was sort talking about it in a way that was ridiculing and not respectful to God and Jesus and the Holy spirit. I was taking about it as if it was all so very silly.
I really regret this.
I am scared that maybe I was already unforgiven once i did that.
It's very upsetting to me to think that maybe I could've had a great relationship with God already if I wouldn't have done that.

People who have committed the unforgivable sins aren't concerned with the fact that they have committed it, which is a large part of why it is unforgivable. Unforgivable sins are unforgivable because they cut us off from our means of being forgiven, not because we can't repent of them. For example, Jesus said that if we don't forgive others, then we will not be forgiven, so unforgiveness is also an unforgivable sin because it cuts us off from our means of being forgiven, not because we can't repent and forgive. So the fact that you are concerned with whether you have committed the unforgivable sin, that you are repentant, and that you want to distance yourself from being the person who said that is how you can be extremely confident that you have not committed it.

 

[Hopeful37]

Hi eveyone, im not doing very well right now.
For The past years I've found comfort that I haven't commited the unforgivable sin even though I had constant intrusive blasphemous thoughts that I've had for years, because I realized I felt bad about the thoughts and I still had desire to run to Christ. (And that I didn't mean those thoughts of course, they would just pop up)
But now I'm starting to fear that I don't earnestly want to run to Christ and that I'm not really feeling guilty.
I've done something really bad a few days ago and I accidentally slipped up while repeating positive sentences about the Holy spirit to help with blasmemous thoughts and I accidentally said a blasphemous thing out loud instead. This feels so much worse to me than just having those thoughts pop up in my head.
And I can't find comfort that haven't done it anymore.
I am truly stuck now and I feel like the only thing that can make me feel like it's okay Is God telling me I haven't done it, but I'm scared I'll never get that comfort.
I desperately want to run into Jesus's arms but I'm scared that desire to come to him is just because I want comfort that I still have a chance and then I'll run back to my sin.
And that my desire to run to him is selfish and insincere and I'm not forgiven.
I'm 20 years old, I don't want the rest of my life to be a fearfully awaiting of hellfire.
I don't know what to do. If God is not gonna comfort me, I'm not sure if I'm gonna be okay.
I keep being told by people I haven't done it but I don't get as much comfort from that anyone because I'm scared they are wrong, or if they are just saying it to make me feel better but actually think I have done it.
I can't keep wondering that maybe I've been trying to get saved for like 4 years without luck is because when I was younger, maybe 6-7 ago, I was talking to my Christian friend and I was asking about the sign of the cross in a quite ridiculing way (I back then felt like I was very cool and better than her for not believing in God and being rebellious) and after i was googling next to her what it meant I think i remember I was sort talking about it in a way that was ridiculing and not respectful to God and Jesus and the Holy spirit. I was taking about it as if it was all so very silly.
I really regret this.
I am scared that maybe I was already unforgiven once i did that.
It's very upsetting to me to think that maybe I could've had a great relationship with God already if I wouldn't have done that.

You should look at the atonement of the Blood of Jesus in the bible. He even forgave His murderers. Read the gospel and also look at God from the Old Testament standpoint. He said He doesn't desire the wicked to perish and also though your sins be as red as scarlet, He can make it whiter than snow. Do some research on it.

 

[Hopeful37]

Jesus's sacrifice is powerful and He is indeed to be revered.

 

[Emsmom1]

I also have OCD and a book was recommended to me: The Imp of the Mind by Lee Baer. Chapter 7 deals exclusively with blasphemous thoughts. It also discusses treatment. Please get this book; I think it would really help you. It helped me.

 

[Mari17]

Hi eveyone, im not doing very well right now.
For The past years I've found comfort that I haven't commited the unforgivable sin even though I had constant intrusive blasphemous thoughts that I've had for years, because I realized I felt bad about the thoughts and I still had desire to run to Christ. (And that I didn't mean those thoughts of course, they would just pop up)
But now I'm starting to fear that I don't earnestly want to run to Christ and that I'm not really feeling guilty.
I've done something really bad a few days ago and I accidentally slipped up while repeating positive sentences about the Holy spirit to help with blasmemous thoughts and I accidentally said a blasphemous thing out loud instead. This feels so much worse to me than just having those thoughts pop up in my head.
And I can't find comfort that haven't done it anymore.
I am truly stuck now and I feel like the only thing that can make me feel like it's okay Is God telling me I haven't done it, but I'm scared I'll never get that comfort.
I desperately want to run into Jesus's arms but I'm scared that desire to come to him is just because I want comfort that I still have a chance and then I'll run back to my sin.
And that my desire to run to him is selfish and insincere and I'm not forgiven.
I'm 20 years old, I don't want the rest of my life to be a fearfully awaiting of hellfire.
I don't know what to do. If God is not gonna comfort me, I'm not sure if I'm gonna be okay.
I keep being told by people I haven't done it but I don't get as much comfort from that anyone because I'm scared they are wrong, or if they are just saying it to make me feel better but actually think I have done it.
I can't keep wondering that maybe I've been trying to get saved for like 4 years without luck is because when I was younger, maybe 6-7 ago, I was talking to my Christian friend and I was asking about the sign of the cross in a quite ridiculing way (I back then felt like I was very cool and better than her for not believing in God and being rebellious) and after i was googling next to her what it meant I think i remember I was sort talking about it in a way that was ridiculing and not respectful to God and Jesus and the Holy spirit. I was taking about it as if it was all so very silly.
I really regret this.
I am scared that maybe I was already unforgiven once i did that.
It's very upsetting to me to think that maybe I could've had a great relationship with God already if I wouldn't have done that.

How are you doing now?

 

[curlycurl]

How are you doing now?

Hi Mary, thank you so much for checking up on me, I really appreciate that, sorry for the late response, i was trying to stay away from forums for a bit because i was getting very paranoid and depressed.

I’ve gone through a lot of distress and depression a while ago, to the point where I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. Mentally I’m doing better at the moment, I’m on the waiting list for ocd treatment.

I’ve had some moments when the last few months when I had a really strong desire to be with God and really felt like a was ready to live my life for him and I felt like I got a lot of realizations that made me cry happy tears but I kept not knowing what to do or what his wishes for me were and I had a lot of uncertainty, and I kept feeling uncertain about the fact that I didn’t have that strong connecting others seemed to have when they got saved where they felt Jesus in their life and knew their purpose and knew exactly what to do and what they shouldn’t do.

I couldn’t and still can’t shake the fear of having committed the forgivable sin and that that’s the reason I can’t be saved, and that that’s the reason I don’t feel God in my life the same way others do. That idea is heartbreaking because I really want to have a relationship with Jesus. This caused me to backslide a bit

 

[Job405]

I posted some days ago that I had a thought similar to this "I want my brothers and sisters to go to hell with me" during a bible study on Zoom ... this was an EVIL thought, I am not sure where it came from because it just suddenly popped into my head.

What happened after this was my faith immediately reduced and I began to see scripture through the lens of an unbeliever, almost as if a switch was flicked. I am not sure but I think the Holy Spirit may have been getting ready to leave me at this point due to such an evil heart that I had in that moment.

This scared me and I immediately repented of this thought, as I truly do not want my brothers and sisters to go to hell even if that is where I would be going (I hope not). In fact I do not want anyone to go to hell and I want to do labor out of love in Christ to make sure that I as a vessel for God can help as many people as possible to avoid this fate. I want to have a pure heart and be led by the Spirit of God.

But how I felt then is how I believe I would have felt like if the Holy Spirit had left me. I would no longer have viewed the gospel as the power of God and probably shortly thereafter I might even have denied Jesus as Lord.

It says in the Bible that it is only by the Holy Spirit that we as believers are able to say that Jesus is the Lord. It says in the Bible that it is only those who are saved who view the gospel as the power of God. If you in truth and in Spirit declare Jesus as the Lord and view the gospel as the power of God, then I think you would not have committed the unpardonable sin. Because if you had, then the Holy Spirit would have departed you and He would no longer be keeping you in the faith. The fact that you care shows that you still have the fruits of the Spirit.

 

[Mari17]

Hi Mary, thank you so much for checking up on me, I really appreciate that, sorry for the late response, i was trying to stay away from forums for a bit because i was getting very paranoid and depressed.

I’ve gone through a lot of distress and depression a while ago, to the point where I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. Mentally I’m doing better at the moment, I’m on the waiting list for ocd treatment.

I’ve had some moments when the last few months when I had a really strong desire to be with God and really felt like a was ready to live my life for him and I felt like I got a lot of realizations that made me cry happy tears but I kept not knowing what to do or what his wishes for me were and I had a lot of uncertainty, and I kept feeling uncertain about the fact that I didn’t have that strong connecting others seemed to have when they got saved where they felt Jesus in their life and knew their purpose and knew exactly what to do and what they shouldn’t do.

I couldn’t and still can’t shake the fear of having committed the forgivable sin and that that’s the reason I can’t be saved, and that that’s the reason I don’t feel God in my life the same way others do. That idea is heartbreaking because I really want to have a relationship with Jesus. This caused me to backslide a bit

I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling, though I'm very glad to hear that you're seeking treatment. It's so, so important to learn how to treat our OCD effectively, so that we can spend our lives doing what WE want, not what the OCD wants. I know it's probably not a very consoling thought right now, but fear of blasphemy is a very, very, very common obsession among Christians with OCD. This in itself should be proof that your fear is just OCD, but of course OCD won't let you believe that. I can't remember if I've pointed you in the direction of some helpful websites before, but if not, I'd be happy to now. There's SO much we can do to learn to work on our OCD, even without a therapist. It's hard work, but it is possible to learn to manage it and experience a lot of victory over it!

 

[Mari17]

I posted some days ago that I had a thought similar to this "I want my brothers and sisters to go to hell with me" during a bible study on Zoom ... this was an EVIL thought, I am not sure where it came from because it just suddenly popped into my head.

What happened after this was my faith immediately reduced and I began to see scripture through the lens of an unbeliever, almost as if a switch was flicked. I am not sure but I think the Holy Spirit may have been getting ready to leave me at this point due to such an evil heart that I had in that moment.

This scared me and I immediately repented of this thought, as I truly do not want my brothers and sisters to go to hell even if that is where I would be going (I hope not). In fact I do not want anyone to go to hell and I want to do labor out of love in Christ to make sure that I as a vessel for God can help as many people as possible to avoid this fate. I want to have a pure heart and be led by the Spirit of God.

But how I felt then is how I believe I would have felt like if the Holy Spirit had left me. I would no longer have viewed the gospel as the power of God and probably shortly thereafter I might even have denied Jesus as Lord.

It says in the Bible that it is only by the Holy Spirit that we as believers are able to say that Jesus is the Lord. It says in the Bible that it is only those who are saved who view the gospel as the power of God. If you in truth and in Spirit declare Jesus as the Lord and view the gospel as the power of God, then I think you would not have committed the unpardonable sin. Because if you had, then the Holy Spirit would have departed you and He would no longer be keeping you in the faith. The fact that you care shows that you still have the fruits of the Spirit.

You may not agree with me, but I still think that this can be viewed as OCD instead of a direct spiritual attack. That is, in fact, what OCD does - sends us disturbing random thoughts, thoughts which EVERYONE gets but most people are able to "filter out" subconsciously. Those of us with OCD, being naturally prewired to 'need' to feel anxious about something, focus on these thoughts instead of filtering them out, and interpret them as meaning that we must mean/want the thoughts and thus that we must be terrible people. I'm not the ultimate authority of course, but from my point of view, God was not any more ready to leave you in that moment than He was before you had the thought. Your OCD may have made you FEEL like He was - which is what OCD does - but the way we feel (especially when we have OCD!) is not always indicative of reality. You may FEEL far from God, but that doesn't mean that you are. I believe that God understands that our OCD brains do weird things, and that He does not count these intrusive thoughts as sins against us. Our OCD brains are very clever, and as soon as we have a disturbing thought, they instantly makes us feel as though we are the kind of person who would have PURPOSELY thought/said/done whatever intrusive urge popped into our head. But that is absolutely not true - thinking or doing or saying something willfully, with the intent and choice to do something wrong, is completely different from just having the thought.