Hi guys/gals, i'd like to seek some perspectives on what i'm struggling with right now. I'm not in a r/s currently but have been through 2 of them. The last one ended about 3 months ago. I know the concept about love languages by Gary Chapman and have been trying to know myself better through that. I've been thinking about what i really expect/want from a r/s. My main love language is quality time and i've been thinking it might be a big problem if i don't find a girl who shares a similar love language. I value time spent together whether physically or virtually or whatever as long as there is a regular connection. I've been much deprived of this in my previous r/s which was a LDR and got frustrated at it and she wasn't willing/able to accommodate as her love language was different. What i required was nothing more than a sharing of her day. Doesn't require much time to do so but since she was unable as it wasn't her love language, i'm getting freaked out if the next one's love language is not quality time too. So right now i'm looking out for other possible potentials and trying to evaluate myself whether the other person would be suitable for me. I have one in mind actually in church but i realise that once i like someone, i tend to have a higher expectation of them in meeting my needs. Like when i asked her out for dinner and she said she preferred to go home, i would not be happy. IOW, i wouldn't be able to let it go easily and would think with unhappines over the next 24 hours. I've been putting effort to do sufficient good deeds for her in church but somehow she's either insensitive or what. I was told by a mutual friend that she sees my good deeds for her but somehow she doesn't realise it too maybe because she's "taking it for granted" that i've always been doing that anyway..lol. Anyway, i also noticed another pattern of me. When she passes me without acknowledging me, i would not be happy too. What i had expected was a look over my side or whatever. She was guiding the kids out of the sanctuary while i was sitting at the edge of the pew alone. If it were for me, i would be able to do that easily you see. I tend to think i'm very efficient and able to multitask dealing with people much better than she.(i think it may be a girl thing). I'm very aware of my surroundings. So in this case, i wonder whether she was purposely ignoring me or was she genuinely not able to multitask coz she was so absorbed with what she was doing. This is one of the things i've always wondered for women.
So basically, i'm trying to understand myself better and seeing if i can do some self-diagnosis and "treatment" so i wouldn't bring it over when i get into a r/s.
oh well....i just feel that if i don't fix this which sounds like very high expectations, i wouldn't be able to have a meaningful relationship. And what opinions/thoughts do you have about what i said? Hope it all makes sense.
So basically, i'm trying to understand myself better and seeing if i can do some self-diagnosis and "treatment" so i wouldn't bring it over when i get into a r/s.
oh well....i just feel that if i don't fix this which sounds like very high expectations, i wouldn't be able to have a meaningful relationship. And what opinions/thoughts do you have about what i said? Hope it all makes sense.
