Hey all, my name is Josh and I’ve been born again for over a year now. In this last year God has been challenging my faith as I’ve dropped many of my old ways.
I used to drink and smoke when things in my life got hard, and have always leaned into women for comfort and validation. My drug and alcohol use have cleanly faded away, but the void I used to fill with a female is still there. When one chick would lose interest, I’d hurt her, or if I even got bored another woman would fill her place. This made it so no matter which girl I was leaning on, the new one just filled the gap. I’ve done this ever since I knew I liked girls, and how nice they are. (6th grade to now, which is 11th).
I’ve broken up with my ex girlfriend several months ago, we’re both saved and moving into singleness because neither of us are ready for a relationship. And out of this I know that another female is not something I need. Let alone fair to them. This hole that has been constantly filled by interchangeable women now is left wide open. I feel so lonely, and like I’ll never have the depth of relationship with another person again because I’ve chosen to wait a long time before I date again.
My problem here is I know that a person will never fill this gap. Only Jesus can do this the right way. I know that in the end all of this will work out, and I WILL be happy some day. But right now I just don’t understand how god can fulfill me in the ways a female would. I can’t talk to god and receive individual advice from him when I’m sad. I can’t cuddle up with him and hold tight when I want to feel safe. I can’t be on a phone call and talk about my day with him until I fall asleep. Although he loves me like no other, it’s the love of the others I’ve grown accustomed to.
I don’t know how to let god fill the hole that’s previously been filled by a woman. I’m lonely, and scared of the future. Prayers and advice are all I ask for, and I appreciate you for taking time out of your day to read this. Thank you so much.
I used to drink and smoke when things in my life got hard, and have always leaned into women for comfort and validation. My drug and alcohol use have cleanly faded away, but the void I used to fill with a female is still there. When one chick would lose interest, I’d hurt her, or if I even got bored another woman would fill her place. This made it so no matter which girl I was leaning on, the new one just filled the gap. I’ve done this ever since I knew I liked girls, and how nice they are. (6th grade to now, which is 11th).
I’ve broken up with my ex girlfriend several months ago, we’re both saved and moving into singleness because neither of us are ready for a relationship. And out of this I know that another female is not something I need. Let alone fair to them. This hole that has been constantly filled by interchangeable women now is left wide open. I feel so lonely, and like I’ll never have the depth of relationship with another person again because I’ve chosen to wait a long time before I date again.
My problem here is I know that a person will never fill this gap. Only Jesus can do this the right way. I know that in the end all of this will work out, and I WILL be happy some day. But right now I just don’t understand how god can fulfill me in the ways a female would. I can’t talk to god and receive individual advice from him when I’m sad. I can’t cuddle up with him and hold tight when I want to feel safe. I can’t be on a phone call and talk about my day with him until I fall asleep. Although he loves me like no other, it’s the love of the others I’ve grown accustomed to.
I don’t know how to let god fill the hole that’s previously been filled by a woman. I’m lonely, and scared of the future. Prayers and advice are all I ask for, and I appreciate you for taking time out of your day to read this. Thank you so much.
