How aspergers makes it difficult to be a christian

[drag3049]

Ok, here is a thread talking about how it has actually made it more difficult for me to be a christian. I'm just curious if anyone else might be in the same boat. For me, it's just simply being in a constant state of confusion of God with the inability to even somewhat comprehend him.

 

[MoeSzyslak]

My issues don't evolve around my relationship with God. I am rather firm in my faith and relationship. My problems revolve around the chruch.

Fellowship. The church is essentially about fellowship. the word church itself is from the greek word ecclesia, which basically means a community of believers. No matter how hard I try I can't find a spot in the community. I don't really go to church anymore. The usual is I walk in, sit down, listen to the service and leave. Not a single person will even say hi to me. Except the usher at the door, but thats his job. If thats church then I can listen to the recorded pod cast at home.

Missions. Lack of social abilities or strangeness or something else once again comes into play. It has been more then once, where I saw them looking for volunteers in the sunday flyer. I raise my hand to volunteer. I never hear back and then a few weeks later, another looking for volunteers in the sunday flyer for the same thing. It's fine they don't want me, but quit whining you need more volunteers, i don't want to hear it.

Study groups. I have trouble with study groups. I still get select mutism when I get overtly anxious. So I can't always pray or share out loud. It takes me awhile to get comfortable and what comes to other peoples heads naturally may take me a day or two to work out. My EQ is very low (bottom 0.13 percentile) so it can take me awhile to process things. I have essentially been told if I can't partake fully the don't partake. While my EQ is low, my IQ is rather high, so I don't fit into special needs programs. I get more accomodations at work then I do at church.

When you put it all together, they really just want me to go to church silently, not talk to anyone and donate money. That being the case, they can take their own advice. If i can't partake fully, then I am not going to partake at all.

I know this sounds rough on the church, but sometimes the truth needs told.

 

[MoeSzyslak]

I tried church again today. I took many deep breaths, put on my positive face and tried my hardest to interact to people who we're communicating with me. I actually had a positive experience today.

It's just so tiring trying to keep the positive face and interactions up and going. I'm somewhat mentally tired right now. My therapist says it should get easier if I keep at it. Has anyone found that to be true?

 

[drag3049]

What i find is the more i go, themore i warm up to people

 

[Letter Never Sent]

My therapist says it should get easier if I keep at it. Has anyone found that to be true?

Sorry, but for me it never gets easier. How difficult or easy depends on the person I talk to, some are easier than others. Usually I would say "h"i to different people, but settle in to chit-chat with someone I am more comfortable with. Usually an older couple. But I almost always leave exhausted!

Currently not attending for more than a year now. Since we moved from NJ we never found a church that we liked. Then when my wife was going through an extremely difficult pregnancy last year and we just made our lives as simple as possible which meant her working every Sat and Sun (no doctors in hospital on weekend, easier for nurses). Church was far and took half the day so that was out. Plus there was a guy there that stopped talking to me, don't know why. I have hundreds of sermons on my computer so... We plan on moving back soon and we can attend our old church again. It's huge and there was never any pressure to socialize, we were always comfortable there.

All this hasn't changed my understanding or relationship with God, but depression has. Under it I don't look up or pray, don't even think to. Just try to survive.

 

[drag3049]

Although a lot of people believe that I have grown out of AS, I believe there is a part of me that still has it and will affect my relationships for the rest of my life. I have been attending my church for about three months. I feel like the "awkward" unsocial of the church, which is in fact very small in a very small town. However, I'm continuing to go, because I feel that God wants me to keep going and I feel a little positive connection. Yesterday, I was at the small group bible study for the third time. I know that it's important to get myself out of my comfort zone and start to fellowship at a deeper level. It's just frustrating when I feel that I cannot interact with them beyond a basic level. It's as if I have this constant urning to know these people at a deeper level, but I can't. I might just need to accept that this is how I might be for the rest of my life and be okay with it.

Also, AS does seem to negatively affect my relationship with God. But here's the thing:
If God created me, and he wills that none perish (2 peter 3:9), then he would have had to have created me in such a way to where it is possible (and as easy and anyone else to) for me to accept his gift of grace for salvation, which I clearly have at age six and want to continue to walk it out. It just seems so much more difficult right now because I'm getting all these questions in my mind as to whether I'm truely saved. I don't know if aspergers has anything to do with this struggle, but I tend to blame it on it. I know that christians w/o AS do struggle with this as well, it's just that my reasoning behind why I believe AS is affecting my relationship with God is because I have a tendency to try and overthink things instead of just trusting God and leaving it in his hands.

Also, it might have something to do with the mild depression that came into my life when I started going to public school in eighth grade. It was a very socially overwelming time for me. Of course, there is some depression in our family, so I guess that could contribute.

I also do believe that this may as well be a spiritual battle of the devil telling me lies, which I tend to believe true because he has oppressed me many different ways for a while. I don't know if it's all the spiritual battle, or only partial. Maybe absolutely none of this has anything to do with my AS or depression and the devil is trying to get me to think that.

Any comments or ideas? It would be cool to get a response from someone with AS, because maybe I'll get a more clear perspective on this than what I have normally been getting .

 

[catzetier]

Hi drag3049. I have struggled with a lot of these issues myself, so hopefully I can help. I also have AS, so hopefully I do offer some sort of clearer perspective.

I became a Christian in my early teens and have been going to Bible study for a number of years. I’m fine with the actual discussions surrounding the Bible, but like you I’m not very good with the social stuff that comes before and afterwards. I can usually only focus on one conversation at a time and usually only if I’m interested, so I’m not brilliant in groups. I have only recently started talking to people in the group socially – for ages (thinking about it, it's probably more than five years!) the only one I ever seemed to have a conversation with was the guy who ran the group.

God asks us to fellowship. By going to the group and going to church – i.e. not sitting in our bedrooms going through the Bible without ever discussing it with other Christians – we are fellowshipping. It doesn’t matter that we’re not all that great socially. In a group of Christians, we will always have at least one thing in common – Jesus Christ – and therefore you are free to be yourself because you will always have that link. As for being the “awkward” one... that didn’t matter to Jesus when He was on earth! And since Christians are called to be like Him, a Christian group that does its best to outwork this is probably a really good accepting place for people who are a little bit different!

(Also, one thing that occurs with Aspergers is difficulty interpreting other people’s emotions. I struggle with this, and usually just ask directly what people are feeling, particularly if their behaviour is different from what it normally is – I know it’s different but can’t figure out why. If you “feel a little positive connection”, perhaps your church is actually being as welcoming as it knows how. I hasten to say that this is a possibility only – I don’t know your church)

I have also asked myself multiple times whether or not I am saved. I’m like you; I like to look at things logically, and the annoying thing about emotions is that they are not logical. A lady at my Bible study explained it logically like this:

If you’re saved, you have a relationship with God. He loves you and you love Him. Therefore, if you’re really worried about “I don’t know whether I’m saved or not”,you have nothing at all to be worried about because you obviously care about having a relationship with God, and therefore, you are part of one. Conversely, if you couldn’t care less, you should start being extremely worried... but if you couldn’t care less, why would you bother being worried? Being worried about whether you’re saved or not is like a reverse surety that you are saved. (Sorry – I sound like the Apostle Paul, all twisted up, and I can’t seem to untwist it!)

She also said that salvation was a free gift offered to all who wanted it, and all anybody ever has to do is say yes. Drag3049, you’ve said that you said yes when you were six. So, given that the Bible tells us “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-40)... how would you ever manage to unwillingly separate yourself from God? Answer: you’re completely incapable of it. There’s no way it’s ever going to happen. God loves you, and He will never let you go. Ever.

I hope this has encouraged you. Don’t give up!

 

[MoeSzyslak]

God asks us to fellowship.

I agree. However, it takes at least two to fellowship. The problem and lack of desire does not rest with me. It really resides with the others. The strange looks and the cold shoulders means your not welcome.

I honestly believe I have nothing to answer for in front of God for my lack of fellowship. I believe others will have to answer for it.

 

[drag3049]

Totally agree with you there. There really is only so much you can do with relationships. What's really hard is the fact that im probably never going to go to the level of interaction that other people are capable of. Its kinda sad cuz i feel so alone sometimes, even though the people in my church and small group are very accepting. Of course i am new, and it takes me a while to adjust. Im always going to have this limitation, and i just feel that i need to accept it and move on. Im not saying im admitting defeat. There's is only so much we can do. Thanks catzier. For the encouragement. It does mean a lot.

 

[catzetier]

I'm glad it helped.

 

[detourgirl]

Although a lot of people believe that I have grown out of AS, I believe there is a part of me that still has it and will affect my relationships for the rest of my life. I have been attending my church for about three months. I feel like the "awkward" unsocial of the church, which is in fact very small in a very small town. However, I'm continuing to go, because I feel that God wants me to keep going and I feel a little positive connection. Yesterday, I was at the small group bible study for the third time. I know that it's important to get myself out of my comfort zone and start to fellowship at a deeper level. It's just frustrating when I feel that I cannot interact with them beyond a basic level. It's as if I have this constant urning to know these people at a deeper level, but I can't.

```It just takes standing out of your comfort zone and being vulnerable. Let people know about aspergers. They may just think you are being stand offish or quite otherwise. Or you may just be a very good listener.

then he would have had to have created me in such a way to where it is possible (and as easy and anyone else to) for me to accept his gift of grace for salvation, which I clearly have at age six and want to continue to walk it out. It just seems so much more difficult right now because I'm getting all these questions in my mind as to whether I'm truely saved. I don't know if aspergers has anything to do with this struggle, but I tend to blame it on it. I know that christians w/o AS do struggle with this as well, it's just that my reasoning behind why I believe AS is affecting my relationship with God is because I have a tendency to try and overthink things instead of just trusting God and leaving it in his hands.

Hey, I'm the same way. I tend to doubt a lot but I know God is there because of everything I see around me. Also, I look back on things I wrote when I was younger and I can see the child like faith that I had. Its normal to doubt and its really hard to faith but God is there. He creates each one of us in his image and yet uniquely different. Your experience with accepting Christ contributes to who you become and to your testimony just as all of your obstacles in life do too. Just know that you are not alone as I have and am currently going through similar circumstances.

Well I could go on and on about this right now, so feel free to contact me if you would like or comment back!!!

 

[Letter Never Sent]

Totally agree with you there. There really is only so much you can do with relationships. What's really hard is the fact that im probably never going to go to the level of interaction that other people are capable of. Its kinda sad cuz i feel so alone sometimes, even though the people in my church and small group are very accepting. Of course i am new, and it takes me a while to adjust. Im always going to have this limitation, and i just feel that i need to accept it and move on. Im not saying im admitting defeat. There's is only so much we can do. Thanks catzier. For the encouragement. It does mean a lot.

I do miss small group Bible studies. I like having in-depth Bible conversations, it's just the small talk I have trouble with. Unfortunately I haven't been to a small group in a very, very long time.

I tend to be antisocial at times and have to remind myself of the following verses:

Hebrews 10:25 "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Proverbs 18:1 "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment."

Keep attending, be patient, and pray!

 

[MoeSzyslak]

I was going to say I don't think prov 18:1 is applicable to me becuase I haven't isolated myself, others have isolated me.

But after reading Drag3049s following post and reflecting:

It just takes standing out of your comfort zone and being vulnerable. Let people know about aspergers.

Maybe I just need to get involved in a small group and let them know up front about my aspergers and quirkieness and see where it goes from there.

I am always saying I am not accepted. Maybe I haven't given others a fair chance to accept or reject me. Something for me to think about now.

 

[Letter Never Sent]

I was going to say I don't think prov 18:1 is applicable to me becuase I haven't isolated myself, others have isolated me

That was in the back of my mind when I wrote that, but I didn't think it through as far as Drag3049.

Maybe I just need to get involved in a small group and let them know up front about my aspergers and quirkieness and see where it goes from there.

I am always saying I am not accepted. Maybe I haven't given others a fair chance to accept or reject me. Something for me to think about now.

I've think I've been places where there was a new person who was stand-offish and didn't really participate. They would stay near the group leader and didn't say much. Everyone would respect that maybe they didn't want to be in the center of it all and would give them their space. When that person was gone no one thought too much about it, thought they just didn't want to be there. Hang in there an make an effort, but not too much, someone will usually respond.

My problem, if I may, is that I look, and sometimes even talk, like I've got it all together. When we moved to this neighborhood I told my neighbor that I wasn't good at socializing. He'd say "Nah, you're fine... you're being too hard on yourself." We no longer talk... told ya so! And I have a good sense of humor that usually can carry me through. Story of my life is that I always fall in-between the cracks. I'm too AS to fit in with the NT crowd, but I'm not AS enough for people to tell, or probably even to get a diagnosis. At my last church we didn't really fit with the "in" crowd as we don't have the social skills to impress anyone. But I felt we weren't accepted by the "outsiders" either as we look like we are the "in" crowd.

I've tried telling people, long before I ever heard of AS, and no one will listen or believe me. Maybe if I get diagnosed somewhere in the spectrum and use the word "autism" people might listen

 

[drag3049]

I'm too AS to fit in with the NT crowd, but I'm not AS enough for people to tell, or probably even to get a diagnosis.

This is exactly how I feel, and it is frustrating for sure.

And, for detourgirls insert in my quote:

```It just takes standing out of your comfort zone and being vulnerable. Let people know about aspergers. They may just think you are being stand offish or quite otherwise. Or you may just be a very good listener.

I quite honestly don't think people need to know that I have AS. The level of my AS is to the point where people are not going to notice obviously. Maybe some people may notice that I'm slightly different, but honestly, unless it's going to be a serious issue, I think that it would just make things more awkward with my relationship with the church and small group. It is a small church after all. I'm sorry, I just don't know how this would benefit.

 

[MoeSzyslak]

I quite honestly don't think people need to know that I have AS. The level of my AS is to the point where people are not going to notice obviously. Maybe some people may notice that I'm slightly different, but honestly, unless it's going to be a serious issue, I think that it would just make things more awkward with my relationship with the church and small group. It is a small church after all. I'm sorry, I just don't know how this would benefit.

Thats awesome your at a point where you can pull it off.
I, however, have never and could never come off as normal to people. It's not in my realm of possibilties. I'm thinking setting the record straight would be the less of two evils. They are already making judgement calls in their minds, most of which are far worse then aspergers.

 

[Letter Never Sent]

I'm thinking setting the record straight would be the less of two evils. They are already making judgement calls in their minds, most of which are far worse then aspergers.

That's exactly why I originally wanted to be diagnosed!

So that when my back is up against the wall I can say "No, I'm not a weirdo-pervert-loser" then play my Autism/Asperger's card and mean it.

I say "perv" because in today's society if you act uncomfortable around someone it's taken as you "like" them, even though I'm standing there with my wife and kids. So yeah, Asperger's would be the lesser of two evils!

 

[jason taylor]

Ok, here is a thread talking about how it has actually made it more difficult for me to be a christian. I'm just curious if anyone else might be in the same boat. For me, it's just simply being in a constant state of confusion of God with the inability to even somewhat comprehend him.

I feel exactly that way. Sometimes God seems like Headquarters in some war movie, some mysterious force that keeps sending me to places I don't want to go for reasons I cannot possibly understand. Honestly I have always feared God, I have trouble saying I love God, at least not the way other Christians do and I simply cannot relate when they say they have fond feelings for Him.

And when I am told, "stop being legalistic, works cannot safe you" it makes me think, "What the heck does that mean." Even when I theoretically know I cannot please God, the only way I can manage to stop trying out of duty is not to try at all.

 

[Cooch]

I am always saying I am not accepted. Maybe I haven't given others a fair chance to accept or reject me. Something for me to think about now.

I'm not sure if it helps, but part of my experience as an aspie is the difficulty in assessing emotions and emotional reaction. This means that I am never sure about things like friendship.

I know that I like certain people, but I find it difficult to trust that feeling.

How, then, can I trust the feelings of people who seem to like me? Family and my best friends, I trust partly through sheer longevity. There are others whose company I value, but I've only known them for about three years. I can't avoid the feeling that they really don't know me all that well.

In church generally, there are very few people that I call "friends". There are a few more with whom I can hold a reasonably pleasant conversation, because we have established a common interest.

Part of imitating human beings in conversation seems to require an interest in them.... so I have a small list of stock questions.
- What do they do for a living?
- How do they like it?
- Is it keeping them busy?
- What are their prospects?
- Have they seen XXX on the news?
At about this point I run out of inspiration unless I can talk about my own interests. It's pretty formulaic, but people seem to react better to it than otherwise.

 

[kitchenlady]

Hello,

With all my heart I have to tell you, please keep up your faith in God. I have struggled my whole life thinking something was wrong with me and not knowing what it was. Through lots of research I have realized that it is possible I may have a mild case of ADD/Aspergers myself. The truth is, you don't grow out of it, it is how you are made. You can learn to live with it and work with it and you can find yourself doing quite well. You just have to have patience with yourself. How the realization happened that I may have it myself is because of a relationship my daughter has with an Aspi guy and the relationship has been very difficult. When she can not understand him at all, I understand him completely. We have tried to be good examples to him and have been praying for him. It took me many years to finally realize that the only thing that truly keeps me together is knowing and believing that Jesus is my savior and will never fail me. Yes, people will, but He never does and His love and mercy are endless. I also had to realize, it's not the people around me but my actual relationship with Him. There are times when my heart is so filled with love for Him and it spills out to others that are in need. I especially love those that struggle with the issues I have and my daughter has. I can't even imagine the Lord not being the center of my life ever again. I would be so lost and I don't want to go there ever again. Through prayer, He has given me compassion and empathy that I never had for people. Faith and prayer can bring about miracles, even with people that are made a little different, actually, Especially with people that are different and people that have been broken. In the bible He tells us "I will make the weak strong and the strong weak". That is the truth. Jesus can fill the emptiness, that black hole that never seems to go away, if only we let Him. If you truly trust Him and give Him your heart. I am praying for my daughter now and this guy who we are pretty sure has aspergers. I witnessed a miracle and he came to church with our family one Sunday out of the blue and I am praying we will see him there again. Prayer is the answer. I know it is because of what my daughter and I witnessed. We have both been praying for him and we know that God heard our prayers. Prayers aren't always answered over night, but if you have faith, you can see amazing things happen in your life.
God Bless You, Dianne