How are your children doing with the loss of their parent.

[CountryLady]

As we are a widow or a widower here, I was wondering how everyone's children are doing with the loss.



My son is a young teenager now, and sometimes gets upset and very angry that his dad is no longer here. Since I took care of him at home during his battle with cancer, my son feels at times during his anger that it's my fault because I couldn't keep him alive. But during the good days he's will adjusted and theres more good days than bad. He talks about his dad a lot, about the good memories, and has his picture book to look at.

Children are precious whether grown or young, God bless you and your families.

 

[robert adams]

This was an interesting dynamic in my family.

My #3 son (married and living outside the home) went out, tried to make a drug buy, was arrested in the act (God's amazing grace at work). He has repented and is doing great.

My #4 son was still living at home at 24. It forced him to move out and start a life of his own - a good thing. I think he thought he could continue living off of us and not have to face the issues of life. He was drained emotionally, but moved out of town, obtained a job, and started a life of his own. I told him that I was proud of him.

My #1 son (married with 2 kids) seemed very emotionless for two or three days. Then, his wife told me that one night he broke down in tears and sobbed and sobbed.

 

[Manna]

One of the things that I'm thankful for concerning my husband's death is the fact that our daughter was so very young at the time. She was 5 months old when he died, and is currently 17 months. I know that it will continue to affect her for the rest of her life, but for now her young age has made the entire situation so much easier! She has two very strong male role models in her life that help as well.

 

[CountryLady]

The holidays are hard on my son, it makes him feel like we are only half a family at times. He knows his friends are sharing the holidays with both parents, and he's not. He gets mad and upset with me, it didn't help that I have the flu either. So I didn't make the Thanksgiving holiday as special as I wanted it to be for him.

As the Christmas holiday is coming up, I know he will miss his dad more during this holiday. I've heard of people putting photo's of lost loved ones on the christmas tree, and I've heard of some even making them a card and putting it in a special box to save (like a keep sake box). I was wondering when your children, or your grandchildren, or you miss them, what you do during this time.

When my son misses his dad, I would like to do something special for the holiday. We're taking flowers to put on the headstone. Anyone with any idea's to help my son.

 

[Manna]

Incorporating his father into the holiday seems like a good idea to me. Maybe telling stories of the first few holidays that you guys had as a married couple...those would be memories that your son would need to hear about, I'm sure.

One important thing is to EXPECT negative emotions. Expect to be sad. Expect your son (or even yourself) to be angry at times. It's normal. And it's not something to be ignored. Embrace it, and then move on from it. Don't ignore it, and don't hang on to it. Both of those are destructive.

Another thing to think about is starting a couple new traditions for just the two of you. Not necessarily anything huge, but something memorable and fun.

 

[CountryLady]

Thanks Manna, greatly appreciated. Starting a couple new traditions...that gives me something to think about....thanks.

 

[soblessed53]

My 3 children are all grown and on their own. I think they have all moved on,but we do like to talk about their father sometimes. My 16 year old granddaughter talks about him often. She was 8 when he died and very close to him.

 

[BeanMak]

My kids were 10 and 12 when they lost their dad. That really makes me sad. I know that I spoiled them. Both my kids used pot as an escape. My oldest has MAJOR anger issues. My youngest had REAL problems with school work.

At 22 the oldest is doing really well, school and a job. But he NEVER talks about his father. He doesn't like holidays, He never has forgiven God.
At 20 the younger is still kind of drifting. He has no idea what he wants to do. But we have survived it all. We are very close and I am glad that they are still with me.