household rules

[skipper]

I am trying to set up a set of fair, easily explainable rules for a new foster child that has some pretty big issues and I could use some help. I want the rule and penalty for breaking the rule I need it to be clear. She also has a reading disability.

 

[Laurie919]

Have you made a list of what you expect from everyone in the house?

 

[TexasSky]

I would start with small things, which she can easily see the benefits from.

For instance, "If you want your clothes clean, you put them in the hamper. If you don't put them in the hamper, you wear them off the floor. After day 3 on the floor, I will tow them, and you have to pay a chore to get them back. For instance, jeans on the floor on day 4, you have to do the dishes to get said jeans back."

 

[sgrimsley]

As a young high school teacher, I have this issue quite often (kids with behavioral problems and learning disabilities). I think the best way to keep your foster child from breaking the rules is to have a small number. My rule of thumb is never more than 5, but I usually only have 3. My classroom rules are:
1. Be respectful of everyone in my classroom.
2. Come prepared to class.
3. Learn!
Everyone in my class is aware of the three step policy of discipline.
1st offense: Name on board = break detention
2nd offense: check next to name = lunch detention
3rd offense: referral to office

I know the class is different from the home, but the strategy should work the same way. Have only a few rules that cover a broad spectrum and clear consequences that are the same every time so your foster child doesn't get confused. Hope this helps.

 

[bliz]

Personally I have found that spelling out the procedures for when the rule is broken usually invites breaking the rule. (as a mother of young adults and a former high school teacher).

Just state the expectation in a positive way. When an expectation is not met, remind "We put soiled clothing in the hamper."

 

[Linnis]

How old is the child? With my nephew I expected more as he got older and made him aware of those expectations.

 

[RedTulipMom]

how old is the foster child and how old are your other children? Don't you already have rules in place for your children? Wouldn't the foster child now have the same rules? I would just tell her what the house rules are and expect her to follow them like the other kids.

 

[3girls2dogs]

how old is the foster child and how old are your other children? Don't you already have rules in place for your children? Wouldn't the foster child now have the same rules? I would just tell her what the house rules are and expect her to follow them like the other kids.

I hate talking about this, but I was a foster child for a few years. Are the rules for the foster child going to be the same as the rules for your own children? I hope so, because making them different makes foster children feel even more like the second class citizen they already feel like.

 

[TexasSky]

I agree with 3girls2dogs that you need to be careful not to make "different rules".

If you cannot say, "In our house we," you probably shouldn't say it.

 

[Birbitt]

I would suggest that you not try and explain all the rules outright, but rather address them as the need arises. This child is already going through a lot and giving him or her a list of rules and concequences isn't going to make it any better. I would just wait it out and see what needs to be said...for example if the child leaves the house without asking and goes to play in the yard then I would say to the child "(child's name) we don't go outside without telling an adult first so that the adults know where you are, next time please let an adult know you're going outside to play." Then if the child does it again you can reinforce the rule with "remember I told you we don't go out without telling an adult, you'll have to come back in now because you didn't follow the rule." Something like that would be easier for the child than a list of don'ts.

 

[Robinsegg]

Do you already have the fosterchild in your home, or are you preparing your home for this child?
If you don't have her there yet, I would suggest a simple list of rules.
In this house we:
1. Put dirty clothes in the hamper.
2. Use our words nicely.
3. Use our hands for affection, not violence.
4. Avoid throwing things in the house.
5. Say "please" and "thank you".
6. Ask permission before leaving the house/yard.
Put in whatever your top priorities are. Start with the basics and simply have them posted for everyone. If anyone (you and hubby included) breaks a rule, ask them to read #2 (or whichever). Then, talk about the reason for the rule and what consequences you think should follow.
Rachel

 

[ThreeTimesBlessed]

I do agree that the rules must be across the board. The rules for the foster child and your own children should be the same. In fact, if you ever foster another child, I would suggest having the rules in place and visible before the foster child arrives. Life is hard - and I hear foster children (especially older ones) are a bit more unruly - understandably so. But I also believe you should have rules and consequences that should be addressed very soon upon arrival to the house. Also consistency is key for all kids.

I do think it's great you're fostering a child. It takes special people to be able to do that, and I pray that this is a road God has put you on and will be a fruitful ministry for you!

~Anita (Newbie)

 

[skipper]

we do have the rules in place for our children, but there is a big age difference and behaviors. This child is 15 and sexually active she has experimented with drugs and alchol. we have been foster parents for almost 10 years but have never really had one who has had these extreme behaviors. usually our rules are across the board,but this is adifferent situation.