Hi, Mari17,
I had suffered from these thoughts from March of 1980 to probably early 2000s. Had anyone told me that it would last so long, or that Jesus would reveal His love for me in the ways He did during that period- I would not believe them. I can relate so well to all the sufferers, and thought I was the only one out there suffering like that. After many years, I was suddenly free, and so free for so long that I actually could not remember what the torment was like. Recently, though, it has returned with a vengeance. Your response, according to all that I have read about OCD, the thoughts, and the spiritual concern and agony that the writers have expressed; makes tremendous sense, and is calming, comforting, and reasonable. The love for Christ that these dear ones have, their concern for their salvation and for His Name to remain holy in their minds, shows they want to walk in their salvation, just like me. Just understanding that these thoughts are illogical and nonsensical doesn't help, because they don't stop. Dr Dobson said once it's like being on a merry go round that you can't get off, but that we don't have to let these thoughts control us. That sank in, and helped, too. What you said will help me, and will help others, too. Keeping our minds focused on the Word, listening to audio Bible and great teaching, (Tim Keller and Ravi Zacharias by the hour for me) memorizing scriptures, staying with truth, worship music- all help. But what you said about ignoring the thoughts is crucial. We stand in Christ because of what He did for us, not because of what we do for Him. I did take Prozac for over eight years, and agree that the cause of OCD is chemical in some cases. I learned three things after those 30 years, and remember them now- 1. The Holy Spirit in us is like a pilot light in a gas stove. It may be small and hidden away, but it never goes out. Jesus is like that. He never, ever leaves us. 2. The Word of God is in black and white. No matter what our minds are screaming at us, no matter how bad the headaches get, those words never change. 3. God knows your name. His love is everlasting. He hears us, He sees us, He has only grace, love, and mercy for us. 1 John assures us that He is greater than our heart. I used to wonder, how could God ever use what I went through to help others? Now I know. Romans 5:1 says, Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through Whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we stand. Peace! I thought I would never know what that was like. But, all of you fellow sufferers, you will know, you can know. It can come. Get help from a counselor if needed, and know that there is nothing that can separate you from God's love. Jesus wore a crown of thorns that pressed into His skull, perhaps representing His suffering for those with mental torment. Cutters get their own story too, in Mark 5, the poor man was crying and cutting himself with stones. I had written in the margin at that place, "I know how he felt," but Jesus came, and set him free. OH, Jesus loves us so much!
