Well, praise be to Adonai I have bounced back to fasting. Yesterday I was cleaning out a closet and found a bunch of forgotten candy which I had been planning to take to the children at school for rewards. But some of it that I like very much tempted me! Remembering "Be careful when you think you stand lest you fall" I got rid of it fast and praise Him for that also!
I feel I have been taught a lot even when not "officially fasting". One thing I was surprised to realize was that, down deep, moving into the "supernatural realm" where one feels those extra joyful feelings is really kinda scary to me sometimes! I had thought I wanted those feelings, and really they were, I thought, my goal in life. But I was wrong to have them as my goal, anyway. Our goal is to love first, and to do things right for the Lord because we love Him, not because if we do-this and don't-do-that He will He will provide us with our "payment" of joy, our "high". Feeling His heart over heart love (I have also been taught that I never truly love anyone with my own love, but only with His love when it flows through me out to others, even to, especially to Him and His Son) so far has never been scary, only warm and fulfilling, so that is what I will pray for and I know from experience that the love does grow with sincere prayer, particularly - though not exclusviely - with fasting. If joy comes, then it comes. That is up to the Lord. We plant. He decides what grows and when.
I have also learned some possibly (more time needed to tell for sure) great anti-temptation strategies. Anyway, so far they have been working well! Of course they are strategies that cause me to be closer to the Lord, and therefore farther from the source of all tempations, hasatan. I have learned that temptation is like a heavy burden on one and that we so often give into it just to get that burden to (temporaily, or so it seems) move off of us. Of course that only leads to more bondage in the long run and more problems of all kinds!
But, and I thank the Lord for this as in all, I am learning again (as I have to be retaught things so often, just like those rebellious children of Israel) that by drawing closer to the Lord (and He is showing me how to do this) the heavy burden goes away, or at least it is rarely felt and when it is felt it is easy to resist - in Him. I have learned (again, again, but more deeply in my heart where it counts) that if I am struggling against my faults, I am going to loose. Every time. Soon.
If there is a major struggle going on, something is wrong. And that something is that I am trying to win against the adversary in my own strength and he is always stronger than me. I need my Big Strong Elder Brother to keep him at bay. Always.
One thing I was so happy to find was a bunch of Scripture song (just Scripture, nothing else - though Scripture-based songs are certainly helpful and wonderful, too) CDs and tapes at Amazon.com and other places! Some of them were under $3.00.
I find the story of King Yeshoshaphat to be so fascinating and instructive. There he and his Israeli subjects were, about to be attacked by armies from different countries. He knew it was hopeless to fight against them. A woman prophet, Huldah, encouraged him. He knew what to do. He had the people to fast and pray (shades of 2 Chronicles 7:14). And then he sent out singers not an army, before the people to face the enemy, to "praise the beauty of His holiness." Those were his warriors!
The enemy armies became confused and turned against each other, slaughtering one another. Not only that, they left so much spoil behind that Yeshoshaphat and his people were 3 days in collecting it!
The Bible is replete with instructions to praise. We are told to "offer up the sacrifice of praise" and to give thanks to our Heavenly Father always in the name of Yeshua HaMashiach/Jesus Christ.
I have personally found that fasting is helpful, keeping Sabbath is helpful, tithing and giving is helpful, but nothing moves me into the Presence of our Heavenly Father like heart-felt praise. The more, the more.
So, I sing. (I sing very softly to preserve my vocal cords as I am a speech pathologist and am keenly aware of "singers nodules".) I sing praises d & n when at home and in the car, as much as practical. And the Sripture CDs have been one wonderful help to me personally, as long as I keep trying to restfully (faith is rest, is what I feel I have been taught) truly focus on the Lord when I do this and not do it mechanically . The less mechanical/rote I am and the more real I am in doing it, the more the blessings, that is the more closet I feel to Abba.
Frank Laubach had the discipline to focus on the Lord day and night without my technological helps. Guess many others do, too, like Father Lawrence. I sure don't seem to.
Anyway, may you all, and your families, have a blessed 2005, in Yeshua HaMashiach's Name I pray.
Praise be to You O El Shaddai, King and Creator of the universe whose Son heals all our diseases, especially of sin.
But anyway I haven't planned to do the serious 40 d & n fasting until after December 25 - or anyway until the major meal with family at that time - is over, so I'm not too concerned.
