Hope during Separation

Christsfreeservant

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He is currently not living at home, he moved into his sisters and is still having an affair. I told him that I love him and want to save our marriage, but I will not have any contact with him until the affair ends. He does pick up the kids once and a while.

That is so sad. I understand. It takes two to save a marriage. If one doesn't want to save it, only a miracle of God can save that marriage. God will have to change that person's heart who is holding on to his adultery and is not willing to work to save the marriage. But, I believe in miracles, and I am holding out for one in my own marriage. I pray God will work a miracle in your marriage, too.
 
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Christsfreeservant

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Watch Fireproof with him. Go on DATES and work on your friendship.
I know your comment here was not for me, but for Shnn18, but I just want to say that watching "Fireproof" is not "fireproof" help for a marriage. My husband and I watched it when it first came out in the theatre, but it had the opposite impact on him. I think I cried through the whole movie, for my husband was a inappropriate content addict, and I so wanted him to come to his senses, but all it did was drive him further into his addiction. And, I just want to say that it takes two to make a marriage work. Until the wayward spouse makes the decision to 'come home' and to truly commit to the marriage relationship, the marriage will not be healed. But, God can move that wayward spouse to return to the marriage, and so we pray to that end. That is my prayer for my husband and for Shnn18's husband, too. Sue
 
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I know your comment here was not for me, but for Shnn18, but I just want to say that watching "Fireproof" is not "fireproof" help for a marriage. My husband and I watched it when it first came out in the theatre, but it had the opposite impact on him. I think I cried through the whole movie, for my husband was a inappropriate content addict, and I so wanted him to come to his senses, but all it did was drive him further into his addiction. And, I just want to say that it takes two to make a marriage work. Until the wayward spouse makes the decision to 'come home' and to truly commit to the marriage relationship, the marriage will not be healed. But, God can move that wayward spouse to return to the marriage, and so we pray to that end. That is my prayer for my husband and for Shnn18's husband, too. Sue

Your right its not the cure all for certain.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Lao-tzu,
 
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Christsfreeservant

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I appreciate everyone's prayers. I'm doing my best to focus on me right now and lean on God. It's not easy. The unknowing is hard. I pray that I get a 2nd chance to save my marriage.
I pray you do, too.
 
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Demarquis Johnson

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Hello,

I have been with my husband for 21 years, and we have four beautiful children. Our marriage has stalled the last couple of years and we became more like roommates, rather than husband and wife. In April, my husband had an affair and decided to leave. He has not filed for divorce, but he is staying with his sister. I believe he is continuing with his affair. I'm doing my best to cope and trust in God. It's so hard at times. I want nothing more than for my marriage to be saved and it's hard to see that when we are not even speaking right now. Has anyone's marriage made it through a separation? Any advice on what I can do during this time?

Thanks!

In thhe midst if your season do as God told Jobs friends: Speak Gods Word over your situation. Let no man tare apart what God has joined together. Nothing is too hard for God. God works all things for our good. Repeat these positive words to yourself and watch your strenth increase. Picking up these words is like a body builder doing reps with weights. Spend as much of your days as you can in prayer and growing in Christ. The closer you get the better you will feel in the midst. And it also says in his word when we seek him ALL things will be added unto us.
 
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Angeldove97

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sometimes we need to take our eyes off of the situation and focus on the Lord.

This. When my husband and I are having a hard time in our relationship or simply feeling distant from one another (feeling bored, whatever), we turn to God. A huge blessing to us has been to pray the Rosary together. The fact that we take some time in our busy lives to focus in on specific events, read scripture, and apply it to our lives, while praying to God and to have Mary help us, all of that helps us to feel closer to one another.

Not everyone will want to or feel called to pray the Rosary, but perhaps you and your husband can find a way to connect through faith.
 
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Dave L

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This. When my husband and I are having a hard time in our relationship or simply feeling distant from one another (feeling bored, whatever), we turn to God. A huge blessing to us has been to pray the Rosary together. The fact that we take some time in our busy lives to focus in on specific events, read scripture, and apply it to our lives, while praying to God and to have Mary help us, all of that helps us to feel closer to one another.

Not everyone will want to or feel called to pray the Rosary, but perhaps you and your husband can find a way to connect through faith.
Thanks for sharing. One of the greatest exercises of faith is in loving our enemies. And sometimes we become each other's enemy in marriage. Maybe not overtly, but in the thought realm where our eyes and imaginations stray from their moorings. Love and forgiveness on our part points the way for our erring spouse to travel in, and helps them recover their direction. (sometimes temporary separation but never divorce might be necessary in physical abuse situations). The Lord has blessed our nearly 50 year marriage through this sermon on the mount principle that works without fail.
 
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A_Thinker

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I know your comment here was not for me, but for Shnn18, but I just want to say that watching "Fireproof" is not "fireproof" help for a marriage. My husband and I watched it when it first came out in the theatre, but it had the opposite impact on him.

Men and women will often have dissimilar reactions to such encouragements to Godly living.

Women seem to be better at accepting such encouragement. Men, many times, are more challenging ...
 
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tall73

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Hello,

I have been with my husband for 21 years, and we have four beautiful children. Our marriage has stalled the last couple of years and we became more like roommates, rather than husband and wife. In April, my husband had an affair and decided to leave. He has not filed for divorce, but he is staying with his sister. I believe he is continuing with his affair. I'm doing my best to cope and trust in God. It's so hard at times. I want nothing more than for my marriage to be saved and it's hard to see that when we are not even speaking right now. Has anyone's marriage made it through a separation? Any advice on what I can do during this time?

Thanks!

Previous to this what was his spiritual condition? Did he claim faith in Christ?

Do you have a church?

As Tolworth John indicated, if you all were part of a church then you may want to approach someone from the church to appeal to him.

You have already expressed that you want the marriage to work. You are praying for the situation and for him. Sometimes if someone close to him were to appeal to him it may bring home the reality of the situation. He cannot have life with God and his affair.

If he is not a Christian this will of course not be an option. But even then someone else appealing may help if he is concerned with how folks will view him.

I have seen some turn from an affair when appealed to in this way. And at this point, trying is worth it, both for the marriage, and for his soul.
 
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Shnn18

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He believes in God but he does not attend church with me. My pastors offered to talk to him and he refused. His affair was exposed to his family, friends and coworkers. However, his parents tend to coddle him and he can do no wrong in their eyes. I believe this is happening for a reason and I'm doing my best to place my trust in the Lord. I have always been a negative person with no self esteem, so I believe God is showing me my worth in Him and helping me to become a more positive person and grow closer to Him.
 
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Dave L

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He believes in God but he does not attend church with me. My pastors offered to talk to him and he refused. His affair was exposed to his family, friends and coworkers. However, his parents tend to coddle him and he can do no wrong in their eyes. I believe this is happening for a reason and I'm doing my best to place my trust in the Lord. I have always been a negative person with no self esteem, so I believe God is showing me my worth in Him and helping me to become a more positive person and grow closer to Him.
Sometimes people are like mirrors that reflect a negative image back to you. And if this is all you have, you might see yourself that way too. But if you can find yourself in God's word and how he sees you perfect in Christ, you can recover from whatever self image that isn't necessarily true.

But divorce is unforgiveness and we should always forgive. Separation from abuse is needed sometimes. The Christians always fled physical abuse and persecution in Acts. And reconciliation is always the Christian thing to do. And marriage is for life, so remarriage is adultery.
 
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Shnn18

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Although, I really want to our marriage to last. It's getting harder each day because he is so cold and mean towards me. I haven't really talked to him in the last month, but there are times I wonder why I am praying so hard when he is hurting me so badly. Yet, I just have this feeling that I need to forgive him as Christ forgave me and love him with the love of Christ.
 
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Tropical Wilds

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You can forgive without victimizing yourself. Go to a lawyer, secure a legal seperation and a custody and support schedule for your kids. The longer you wait to do so, the larger the chance that you will lose out in court. Marriage saved or ended, regardless, you owe it to your kids to see them protected and since he won’t do the right thing by them of his own accord, you have to make sure he does.
 
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Lady_of_Rohan

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Married 24 years this past June. Will have been separated for 15 of those years this December. Haven't seen him in 8 years. Haven't spoken to him for 2 years. But I am still married to him, because I don't believe that God has released me from the marriage.

Believe me I know it hurts. I know it's hard. But please don't give up on him after only a few months. There are many marriages that have been restored after separations lasting years. That is the only hope that I hold on to these days.
 
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akmom

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Hello,

I want nothing more than for my marriage to be saved and it's hard to see that when we are not even speaking right now.

Have you told him this? Have you told him why? I understand why you would expect him to end his affair if he were to return to the marriage... of course you would. But I wonder if it's really best to start with this contingency?

Watch Fireproof with him. Go on DATES and work on your friendship.

As much flack as this movie gets, I must admit that I loved it. I kind of found the wife to be naggy and and inconsiderate, and the movie seemed to suggest it was mostly his fault, but the contrition they both came to was beautiful. I could see how a husband might feel attacked by a movie like this though. Perhaps they should make another one portraying both husband's and wife's shortcomings more equally.
 
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