Homosexuality and relationship problems

[Klheith]

Hello,

So I just decided to go ahead and write this, since I just suddenly noticed how far the thing that I'm struggling with is going to.

Let me give you a little background, since I know that personality and life experiences can influence many things. I grew up as a physical touch and quality time person (if you're familiar with love languages) in a home where my dad was very much neither of those. He is a very quiet, solitary person, and he and my mom are both very strong Christians, and I know that my dad loves me more than anything. The problem is, he didn't express that love very much in a way that I understood, so at times, I felt unloved by my dad.

For the majority of my life, I have struggled with pornography and homosexuality. I didn't write the above paragraph as an excuse for my homosexuality, but it may have played a part in it. I have never had any sexual desires for women. I have had emotional attractions to girls, and may possibly be entering into a relationship with a girl in the near future. By God's grace, I haven't actually gone so far as to live a homosexual lifestyle, and right now, none of my friends know what I struggle with.

But now, I'm in my first year of college, and I'm coming to the realization that I have a crush on a male friend of mine. He is a decently close friend, and I enjoy talking with him, and I would hate for this to ruin our friendship. When I first came to college, I started to realize that I might form an attraction toward him, and so I set up barriers to help prevent that, such as limiting my physical touch with him. But, being a physical touch person, I think that only made the problem worse, because even though I wasn't letting myself fantasize about him, I was still thinking different thoughts about him than about my other friends, if that makes sense. Just tonight, I felt the urge to post on here about this, so I don't know if God is working through me right now or not.

I feel like I should talk to him sometime just to make him aware of how I feel, so that I don't accidentally go too far. I really don't want to lose my friendship with him, but it will take more courage than I've ever had before to confess all of this to him. Prayers and advice would be very much appreciated.

God Bless

 

[Contrar]

You mentioned that none of your friends know about your struggle. Making him the first to tell is probably not the best idea. The boundaries you've set up seem reasonable, but accountability should come from another friend. He could struggle with the same thing. Really a third party can offer the most help. If you confess to a different friend they would be able to give a clear perspective on your situation and offer support that outlasts this crush; On the other hand, confessing to him leaves you vulnerable and all he can do is tell you when he is uncomfortable with your behavior. You can find the courage from god, since it says in James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." to find a friend to tell who can help you grow closer to Christ and out of pornography. Confessing to him could also draw you emotionally closer making the attraction even worse so just be careful.

Letting this attraction destroy would indeed be bad, however, you probably don't need to interact with him that much. Since you have a crush, vastly overestimating the time to spend with him over other friends is easy to do. Recently I endured a similar crush and in retrospect out of fear of a ruined friendship and continued desire to talk to him I stayed to close and found myself disappointed when I didn't get to see him. Had I scaled back on the friendship I wouldn't have fallen quite so far. In short, try to establish just a little distance from him, don't make it a primary friendship, save yourself the heartache.

I would like to commend you for the boundaries you set up, your understanding of god's grace, and your thorough reflection; all of which show that you are dedicated to following Christ and leaving this struggle behind.

I'll be praying for you. Farewell.