homosexual friend

[guitargirl06]

Hi everyone I am not sure if I am posting this in the right section or not....

Anyway, I have this (Christian) friend and he is well....he's not interested in women, he's struggling with his sexual feelings towards guys, you get the picture. Anyway, the thing is....well it seems to me like he is really burrying his head in the sand about this, well not so much that HE is burrying his head (he has confided in me for example, and I know he has talked to our pastor and an elder about it), but that the people he is talking to are maybe. But maybe I am TOTALLY wrong, I mean honestly what would I know about it? I'm certianly not an expert. But its like....any time he has talked to the pastor or this elder about it, they just tell him stuff like "oh it's all rubbish, it's just lies from the devil"....well, yeah, but doesn't he need some help with it? He's in his late twenties now and is still in as bad a place as ever regarding his sexuality (btw I just thought I would add he is a virgin and has never actually done anything). If ever I try and say to him anything about it, he gets defensive and tells me I wouldn't know what I'm talking about because I'm too young a christian, etc, but it just seems to me like with something like this you have to kind of work through it to get free from it, kind of like I guess you would with an addiction or something? Instead of just getting told "it's rubbish". But like I said I am certianly no expert so please tell me if I am just interfering and need to butt out! I just care about him obviously he's my brother, and I'm worried he's not getting the help he needs.

Btw, he definately does want to get over this, I just don't think he has a clue how........

Thanks in advance for any replies

 

[guitargirl06]

oh sorry I just realised there is actually a section for sexuality, I just joined this forum and didn't realize...perhaps the moderators could move this topic to that section?

 

[tapero]

Dear Guitargirl,

Your post is fine here. The only thing I can suggest is if he comes online that he go to www.settingcaptivesfree.com that has a program of short lessons a day, less than 10 minutes. There are other sites also that can help. Perhaps other posters will write them down. Sounds like he wants help.

He can also post in Struggles with Sexuality on Christian Forums since he is seeking to overcome this.

I'm sorry his pastor isn't helping.

You sound like a good friend.

God bless you,
tapero

 

[tapero]

3.5 Controversial Topics to Be Discussed Only in Certain Forums

A. You will not post content regarding the following subjects anywhere on CF except in Ethics & Morality, Liberal Theology, Christian Philosophy, or any subforums in the Congregation or Recovery* categories:

drug use
gambling
polygamy
extramarital or premarital sexual activity
homosexuality
transsexuality
abortion

*You will not make posts promoting or endorsing any of these subjects in Recovery forums.​

 

[Amin]

Hi everyone I am not sure if I am posting this in the right section or not....

Anyway, I have this (Christian) friend and he is well....he's not interested in women, he's struggling with his sexual feelings towards guys, you get the picture. Anyway, the thing is....well it seems to me like he is really burrying his head in the sand about this, well not so much that HE is burrying his head (he has confided in me for example, and I know he has talked to our pastor and an elder about it), but that the people he is talking to are maybe. But maybe I am TOTALLY wrong, I mean honestly what would I know about it? I'm certianly not an expert. But its like....any time he has talked to the pastor or this elder about it, they just tell him stuff like "oh it's all rubbish, it's just lies from the devil"....well, yeah, but doesn't he need some help with it? He's in his late twenties now and is still in as bad a place as ever regarding his sexuality (btw I just thought I would add he is a virgin and has never actually done anything). If ever I try and say to him anything about it, he gets defensive and tells me I wouldn't know what I'm talking about because I'm too young a christian, etc, but it just seems to me like with something like this you have to kind of work through it to get free from it, kind of like I guess you would with an addiction or something? Instead of just getting told "it's rubbish". But like I said I am certianly no expert so please tell me if I am just interfering and need to butt out! I just care about him obviously he's my brother, and I'm worried he's not getting the help he needs.

Btw, he definately does want to get over this, I just don't think he has a clue how........

Thanks in advance for any replies

Hi,
If he is having serious thoughts about not
wanting to be what you say he is, then by all means he should find someone to talk to.
A counsellor Preferably a christian one.
Does he have Ins. to cover that.

Chuck.

 

[guitargirl06]

Thank you for your replies.

He actually does not have a computer, if he did then I would recomend settingcaptivesfree.com to him for sure.

Where we live is a pretty small area, I'm not even sure there are any christian counsellors around here, but I'll talk to him see if maybe he will look into it. I am worried about him....I know it's making him unhappy and isolated, and asides from being told "it's rubbish" by the people he has talked to about it, all thats happening is he is being talked about behind his back by his peers in church, he doesn't seem to be getting any support whatsoever.

 

[AJB4]

First of all, his pastors need to get their acts together. Homosexuality is not a lie from the devil. It's a real and serious issue that needs to be tackled with support and guidance, not just dismissed like they're doing. It's probably a good job he hasn't got a computer, because then he may fall victim to pornography as well (something he doesn't really need). I hope that he can be helped and that he can find happiness. After all, homosexuality is only a physical thing. I hope that he can find love with a woman.

 

[EIChief]

Thank you for your replies.

He actually does not have a computer, if he did then I would recomend settingcaptivesfree.com to him for sure.

Where we live is a pretty small area, I'm not even sure there are any christian counsellors around here, but I'll talk to him see if maybe he will look into it. I am worried about him....I know it's making him unhappy and isolated, and asides from being told "it's rubbish" by the people he has talked to about it, all thats happening is he is being talked about behind his back by his peers in church, he doesn't seem to be getting any support whatsoever.

This is not a good situation but all to common I am afraid. When a person finds themselves struggling with the issue of their sexuality the last thing they need is to be ostricized or told it is rubbish and ignored. This will eventually lead them to homosexuality because it is in that lifestyle where they will find some comfort.

You should get him to a Christian Counselor that can help him work through these feelings. Someone that will take the time to understand him so the root problems can be identified and dealt with.

I understand your frustration with the church though. It is unfortunate when real help is bypassed for the much easier path of dissmissing the issue as "rubbish"

 

[Amin]

Hi everyone I am not sure if I am posting this in the right section or not....

Anyway, I have this (Christian) friend and he is well....he's not interested in women, he's struggling with his sexual feelings towards guys, you get the picture. Anyway, the thing is....well it seems to me like he is really burrying his head in the sand about this, well not so much that HE is burrying his head (he has confided in me for example, and I know he has talked to our pastor and an elder about it), but that the people he is talking to are maybe. But maybe I am TOTALLY wrong, I mean honestly what would I know about it? I'm certianly not an expert. But its like....any time he has talked to the pastor or this elder about it, they just tell him stuff like "oh it's all rubbish, it's just lies from the devil"....well, yeah, but doesn't he need some help with it? He's in his late twenties now and is still in as bad a place as ever regarding his sexuality (btw I just thought I would add he is a virgin and has never actually done anything). If ever I try and say to him anything about it, he gets defensive and tells me I wouldn't know what I'm talking about because I'm too young a christian, etc, but it just seems to me like with something like this you have to kind of work through it to get free from it, kind of like I guess you would with an addiction or something? Instead of just getting told "it's rubbish". But like I said I am certianly no expert so please tell me if I am just interfering and need to butt out! I just care about him obviously he's my brother, and I'm worried he's not getting the help he needs.

Btw, he definately does want to get over this, I just don't think he has a clue how........

Thanks in advance for any replies

Hi,
Have you tried to see if there is someone in
the church that you know to be mature and trustworthy. Maybe they could help.
I was also wondering if he has ever given you a hint as to what he might be comfortable with as far as how to handle the situation, and with who.
Chuck.

 

[Johnnz]

Sadly the local church is sometimes not the best place for help, especially when something more complex is involved. He will need to talk with someone with more specalised knowledge. It's great he has been able to trust you.

John
NZ

 

[Virginia1989]

Well I am new here to the site but this site immediately drew my attention. I am only 17 years old but I have been raised in church all of my life. Homosexuality is a HUGE problem affecting our church today. I am a ministers son and have been a homesexual for 4 years. I have been in relationships and made many mistakes. Yet I finally broke down and went to my mother crying and she held me in her arms as I came out to her. Soon my dad was home and I had to tell the minister. People do not open up and hide their secret and shame. Once I told my fam I felt so relieved. Yet my family was anything but relieved. My mom cried fo rdays and my dad was silent. I was forced to stay in the house and go nowhere. So I snuck out and went to meet my partner. I lied to my fam and broke all trust and relationships. I hurt my fam so bad. My dad finally found my partner who was 20, and told him if he came near me he would be arrested for solicitng a minor. I hated my dad and fam yet they only had my best interest at heart. They forced me to go see a counselor and talk to him. I resented everything. Yet finally it hit me one day. I was going to go to hell. I finally got tired of running from God and I broke down and recommited my life to him. Now I am trying to re-build my relationship with God and my fam. It is a daily struggle to resist the evil but I know my fam is daily praying for me.

 

[Virginia1989]

My best advice would be to pray hard for your friend. My fam prayed for me for months before God really got control over my life. I had delved so ddep into the homosexual lifestyle, yet I can get free if I so choose, and believe me I am working hard to get free. Just dont force him into anything or he will grow cold towards you and though you have his best interest at heart, you may be pushing him away.

 

[BigToe]

I'm sorry your friend is struggling and is unhappy. The best you can do is pray for him and be a friend he knows he can turn to when he is ready.