I would like to hear from women and men what do YOU consider a stay at home wife and mother's duties?
-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
-
CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
homemaker duties
- Thread starter ciaomamma
- Start date
Inkachu
Bursting with fruit flavor!
- Jan 31, 2008
- 35,357
- 4,220
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
Whatever she and her husband decide together with prayer and submission to God.
Society/culture/peer pressure should never dictate to you what YOUR marriage and family should look like.
For me, personally, if I were a stay-home wife, I would take care of all the house cleaning and minor maintenance, grocery shopping, running errands (post office, bank, etc), and a good portion of the yard work. I probably wouldn't cook, since I suck in the kitchen, and my husband is a trained chef and actually enjoys cooking
Since hubby and I both work full time, we split all that stuff pretty much 50/50. Our 13 yo son pitches in quite a bit, too.
Society/culture/peer pressure should never dictate to you what YOUR marriage and family should look like.
For me, personally, if I were a stay-home wife, I would take care of all the house cleaning and minor maintenance, grocery shopping, running errands (post office, bank, etc), and a good portion of the yard work. I probably wouldn't cook, since I suck in the kitchen, and my husband is a trained chef and actually enjoys cooking
Since hubby and I both work full time, we split all that stuff pretty much 50/50. Our 13 yo son pitches in quite a bit, too.
Upvote
0
A SAHM wife/mother is indeed a blessing to her family/household!
As Inkachu stated, the responsibilities depend on what the husband and wife both agree should be done. The wife/mother is not a slave but someone who is a great help to her family and household.
As Inkachu stated, the responsibilities depend on what the husband and wife both agree should be done. The wife/mother is not a slave but someone who is a great help to her family and household.
Upvote
0
- Sep 23, 2005
- 32,918
- 6,229
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
Agree with both of the first posts. It is something that should be worked out between the two. It should involve input from both. If it does not then help may be needed.
I think one principle that we can say though is that if there are children involved whoever works outside the home should have some role in raising, caring for, disciplining and being involved with the children.
A relationship with your Children is not something you can delegate like housework.
I think one principle that we can say though is that if there are children involved whoever works outside the home should have some role in raising, caring for, disciplining and being involved with the children.
A relationship with your Children is not something you can delegate like housework.
Upvote
0
bluegreysky
Can't adult today.
- Sep 11, 2006
- 3,698
- 424
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
Well I am not a stay at home wife .... not yet. Hopefully in 2 or 3 years I will be only having to work part time so that will be closer to it.
In maybe 5-6 he thinks I can stay at home and around that time we might start planning a family but it may still be a few more years.
In my current situation, I work a 9-5 and he works from home.
He's about to go to school full time but he has the classes stacked up in 2 days out of 5.
He's just as busy as me if not more so but since he isn't chained to a desk he does have the ability to leave his office room and go run an unexpected errand or deal with an unplanned chore.
So here's how it goes right now:
Hubby:
-financial planner, budget.
-Labor tasks like scrubbing, fixing things
-Alot of the cleaning, since he's at home
-initiating bible time and prayers
-bringing in half the $
-initiates the intimacy most of the time
-comes up with stuff to educate us about
Me:
-Grocery, meals
-Events planning like weekends, getaways and date night
-Finding study books and devo's for him to initiate from
-the social networking and socializing because he's an introvert
-bringing in the other half the $
-the creative efforts in the home like decorating
-comes up with new ways to have the intimacy
If I was a stay-at-home wife:
Hubby:
-budget and finances
-the brawny tasks and fix-its
-might still initiate the bible studies and intimacy
-might still give us topics to study
Me:
-meals and nutritional plan
-cleaning
-grocery
-DIY's
-find the creative bible study materials and intimacy ideas
-plan the events and date nights
-make sure he has everything he needs from lunch to a clean office
-errands and unexpected chores
If I was a mother:
-all of the stuff from above + raising the kids
In maybe 5-6 he thinks I can stay at home and around that time we might start planning a family but it may still be a few more years.
In my current situation, I work a 9-5 and he works from home.
He's about to go to school full time but he has the classes stacked up in 2 days out of 5.
He's just as busy as me if not more so but since he isn't chained to a desk he does have the ability to leave his office room and go run an unexpected errand or deal with an unplanned chore.
So here's how it goes right now:
Hubby:
-financial planner, budget.
-Labor tasks like scrubbing, fixing things
-Alot of the cleaning, since he's at home
-initiating bible time and prayers
-bringing in half the $
-initiates the intimacy most of the time
-comes up with stuff to educate us about
Me:
-Grocery, meals
-Events planning like weekends, getaways and date night
-Finding study books and devo's for him to initiate from
-the social networking and socializing because he's an introvert
-bringing in the other half the $
-the creative efforts in the home like decorating
-comes up with new ways to have the intimacy
If I was a stay-at-home wife:
Hubby:
-budget and finances
-the brawny tasks and fix-its
-might still initiate the bible studies and intimacy
-might still give us topics to study
Me:
-meals and nutritional plan
-cleaning
-grocery
-DIY's
-find the creative bible study materials and intimacy ideas
-plan the events and date nights
-make sure he has everything he needs from lunch to a clean office
-errands and unexpected chores
If I was a mother:
-all of the stuff from above + raising the kids
Upvote
0
Most home makers I know do about 10 minutes of chores a day. Maybe a load of laundry. After that they peruse pinterest and facebook most of the day until its 20 minutes before DW comes home. Then they cook something up and have it ready when she comes home. Its nice work if you can get it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vu0JjhbaVbE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vu0JjhbaVbE
Upvote
0
I think you're underestimating the time of taking care of a home.
10 minutes of chores a day? That isn't even enough time to sweep my floors!
And only 20 minutes for dinner? Wow. Some of my meals take 2 hours to prepare. My husband must be really spoiled
Upvote
0
bluegreysky
Can't adult today.
- Sep 11, 2006
- 3,698
- 424
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
I think you're underestimating the time of taking care of a home.
10 minutes of chores a day? That isn't even enough time to sweep my floors!
And only 20 minutes for dinner? Wow. Some of my meals take 2 hours to prepare. My husband must be really spoiled
Actually, that scenario would be spot-on for us.
But we kind of double-team things around here.
He did some hard-core scrubbing and I did alot of laundry on Saturday.
The rest of the week all we have to do is run the vacuum on the dirtiest parts of the floor. And we do dishes as we go, they don't have a chance to pile up. We live in a 950sq ft condo with no kids tho.
20 minutes for dinner is also believable because I prep all the food every Sunday night, putting together meals for the slow-cooker and pre-cooking rice and spaghetti and stuff and thawing out frozen meat so all he needs to do is grill the meat to his liking (10 minutes) and put the pre-cooked stuff on a plate and heat it up (5 minutes) if I won't be home right after work and if I will be home, I only have to spend the 15 minutes on it.
Upvote
0
ValleyGal
Well-Known Member
- Dec 19, 2012
- 5,775
- 1,823
- Country
- Canada
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Anabaptist
- Marital Status
- Divorced
In my first marriage, I was a SAHW, and I did almost everything. Once in a blue moon he would mow the lawn, but he was more inclined to putter on his truck and my car. I enjoyed being a SAHW - I did canning, made homemade jams, jellies and applesauce, fancy dinners, hearty breakfasts, desserts from scratch, my home was spotless, and the yardwork was mostly enjoyable exercise. The problem was when I decided to go back to work outside the home, he still expected me to take care of everything at home as well.
Now....husband and I both work from home, so if we see a job that needs doing, we just do it. When I cook, he cleans up after; if he cooks, I clean up after. He might start the laundry and I might finish it. Sometimes we let things go a little too long, but it all gets done in the end.
I love that old saying "on judgement day if God should say 'did you clean your house today?' I will tell him I did not. I played with my children and I forgot."
Now....husband and I both work from home, so if we see a job that needs doing, we just do it. When I cook, he cleans up after; if he cooks, I clean up after. He might start the laundry and I might finish it. Sometimes we let things go a little too long, but it all gets done in the end.
I love that old saying "on judgement day if God should say 'did you clean your house today?' I will tell him I did not. I played with my children and I forgot."
Upvote
0
Inkachu
Bursting with fruit flavor!
- Jan 31, 2008
- 35,357
- 4,220
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
I'm one of those people with the cute little sign in the kitchen that says "housework won't kill you, but why take the chance?"
Dirt never hurt anyone. Let it sit there until it starts taking form and moving independently with little red glowing eyes. THEN clean it up. Holla.
Upvote
0
bluegreysky
Can't adult today.
- Sep 11, 2006
- 3,698
- 424
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
ehhh.... not so much for me.
I am a little OCD.
I'm the kind of person if I walk into a friend's kitchen and it's messy I will fix it. haha
I did that last week to the bible study people because the wife is a mother of 4 and she was busy chasing the toddler around.
I am a little OCD.
I'm the kind of person if I walk into a friend's kitchen and it's messy I will fix it. haha
I did that last week to the bible study people because the wife is a mother of 4 and she was busy chasing the toddler around.
Upvote
0
ValleyGal
Well-Known Member
- Dec 19, 2012
- 5,775
- 1,823
- Country
- Canada
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Anabaptist
- Marital Status
- Divorced
Not so bad if your friend is open to the idea. My mom used to come into my house and clean it - when I was a new, single mom. I eventually had to tell her that it was my mess, and I'd clean it up when I am ready to clean it up, and that it was not her responsibility.
Imo, the idea of responsibility is key here. If I make a mess, I am responsible to clean it up. If I choose to clean it later rather than sooner, okay. But if someone else does not like my mess, they are welcome to clean it up since it is bothering them (and does not bother me). But there is the other concept too, that we are responsible TO each other as well. So if I make a mess, I am responsible to clean it up, and if it bothers someone else that I leave it - and I learn that it bothers them, then I am responsible to them. Iow, if I care about them, I will try to remember that it bothers them and clean it up right away.
In the morning, I have an iced java rather than cup of coffee. Honestly, I do not know where my quirk comes from, but I always leave a centimeter of it in the bottom of the cup. I used to just leave the cup on the table when I left for work and put it away when I got home. I learned that bothered my husband, so I started putting it in the kitchen before leaving for work. He would dump it out and put the cup into the dishwasher, but eventually he started resenting that. When I learned about that, I make an honest effort to rinse and put it in the dishwasher - sometimes I don't do it. He got sick of doing it for me, so he then had a choice. He could either continue to rinse it for me and not be resentful about it, he could continue to rinse and be resentful about it, or he could leave it there and let me deal with it when I got home. He chose the latter, and indeed, when I prepared dinner, I would rinse it and put it in the dishwasher (when I forgot to do it before leaving for work.
We all have a responsibility for ourselves, but to our spouse. This principle is true whether one is a SAHW or not. Imo, being a SAHW is a whole lot more rewarding when a husband does not take advantage of the fact that she does most of the work....iow, if he starts leaving his dirty socks on the living room floor simply because he knows his wife will pick them up, that is taking advantage. He has a responsibility to his wife and should not take her homemaking for granted. In the same way, she should not take it for granted that he gets up and goes to work every day to provide for the home...she is responsible to him to stick to the budget they agree on.
Imo, the idea of responsibility is key here. If I make a mess, I am responsible to clean it up. If I choose to clean it later rather than sooner, okay. But if someone else does not like my mess, they are welcome to clean it up since it is bothering them (and does not bother me). But there is the other concept too, that we are responsible TO each other as well. So if I make a mess, I am responsible to clean it up, and if it bothers someone else that I leave it - and I learn that it bothers them, then I am responsible to them. Iow, if I care about them, I will try to remember that it bothers them and clean it up right away.
In the morning, I have an iced java rather than cup of coffee. Honestly, I do not know where my quirk comes from, but I always leave a centimeter of it in the bottom of the cup. I used to just leave the cup on the table when I left for work and put it away when I got home. I learned that bothered my husband, so I started putting it in the kitchen before leaving for work. He would dump it out and put the cup into the dishwasher, but eventually he started resenting that. When I learned about that, I make an honest effort to rinse and put it in the dishwasher - sometimes I don't do it. He got sick of doing it for me, so he then had a choice. He could either continue to rinse it for me and not be resentful about it, he could continue to rinse and be resentful about it, or he could leave it there and let me deal with it when I got home. He chose the latter, and indeed, when I prepared dinner, I would rinse it and put it in the dishwasher (when I forgot to do it before leaving for work.
We all have a responsibility for ourselves, but to our spouse. This principle is true whether one is a SAHW or not. Imo, being a SAHW is a whole lot more rewarding when a husband does not take advantage of the fact that she does most of the work....iow, if he starts leaving his dirty socks on the living room floor simply because he knows his wife will pick them up, that is taking advantage. He has a responsibility to his wife and should not take her homemaking for granted. In the same way, she should not take it for granted that he gets up and goes to work every day to provide for the home...she is responsible to him to stick to the budget they agree on.
Upvote
0
Inkachu
Bursting with fruit flavor!
- Jan 31, 2008
- 35,357
- 4,220
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
I always thought I was a bit of a lax person when it came to cleaning (per my post above lol), but my husband is even moreso. Boys are gross. I don't mind a few dust bunnies or grime in the bathtub, but man... boys are gross lol.
Upvote
0
ex-pat
Building my house...
- Jun 30, 2011
- 501
- 62
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Eastern Orthodox
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- CA-Conservatives
As a SAHW, I do the following:
All the financial planning, bill paying, banking, insurance management, etc.
Meal plans
Cooking
Laundry, to include ironing, something I find almost no one does these days, but, hey...
Cleaning, unless I can't reach something. (ceiling fans in bathroom, or some light fixtures, for instance.)
Taking out trash and recycling most of the time (DH brings in the bins)
All research projects (how-to for home DIY projects, good contractors, estimates, etc.)
Interior decorating, including putting up seasonal decorations
Planning and doing most of the work for dinner parties, smaller gatherings, BIG events (such as Christmas parties) and any cooking or other hospitality/potluck for church events. (DH helps HUGELY with clean-up for big events!) (We entertain often)
Keeping track of appointments for doctor, dentist, etc.
Cleaning the front porch and back deck and our bedroom balcony. Watering container plants on same.
Doing next to NO yard work in the summer because I take medicine that makes me overheat easily and crisp in the sun. I do sometimes do lawn mowing, and in the fall when it is cool I do all the winterizing of our flower beds and general "fall clean-up".
All the Christmas and birthday shopping for both sides of our family (his is HUGE, and he has next to no idea what to buy them all). All the wrapping for same. He then packs them for shipping. And of course, all Christmas and Easter cards.
I make certain he has the clothes he wants, and that worn or damaged items are replaced, and I try to make certain my mother-in-law does NOT buy him socks for every Christmas and birthday, although I am not always successful.
I also write down his trip and work information and make sure he has the food he needs to travel with.
I arrange our holiday travel.
I'm sure I forgot lots of things, but, hey...it is what it is.
My husband can, and does, do anything I need him to, without complaint, always, if I am ill, tired, or just overwhelmed. He also works hard to earn our money, and fortunately for me loves doing yard work. He decides on the charities we will give to, and how much we will give, and oversees our participation in church-related events and additional services, and leads our house in prayer.
Mainly, as a SAHW, my job is to keep the atmosphere of our house prayerful, peaceful, calm, orderly, clean, and healthy. It's a full-time job, for certain!
All the financial planning, bill paying, banking, insurance management, etc.
Meal plans
Cooking
Laundry, to include ironing, something I find almost no one does these days, but, hey...
Cleaning, unless I can't reach something. (ceiling fans in bathroom, or some light fixtures, for instance.)
Taking out trash and recycling most of the time (DH brings in the bins)
All research projects (how-to for home DIY projects, good contractors, estimates, etc.)
Interior decorating, including putting up seasonal decorations
Planning and doing most of the work for dinner parties, smaller gatherings, BIG events (such as Christmas parties) and any cooking or other hospitality/potluck for church events. (DH helps HUGELY with clean-up for big events!) (We entertain often)
Keeping track of appointments for doctor, dentist, etc.
Cleaning the front porch and back deck and our bedroom balcony. Watering container plants on same.
Doing next to NO yard work in the summer because I take medicine that makes me overheat easily and crisp in the sun. I do sometimes do lawn mowing, and in the fall when it is cool I do all the winterizing of our flower beds and general "fall clean-up".
All the Christmas and birthday shopping for both sides of our family (his is HUGE, and he has next to no idea what to buy them all). All the wrapping for same. He then packs them for shipping. And of course, all Christmas and Easter cards.
I make certain he has the clothes he wants, and that worn or damaged items are replaced, and I try to make certain my mother-in-law does NOT buy him socks for every Christmas and birthday, although I am not always successful.
I also write down his trip and work information and make sure he has the food he needs to travel with.
I arrange our holiday travel.
I'm sure I forgot lots of things, but, hey...it is what it is.
My husband can, and does, do anything I need him to, without complaint, always, if I am ill, tired, or just overwhelmed. He also works hard to earn our money, and fortunately for me loves doing yard work. He decides on the charities we will give to, and how much we will give, and oversees our participation in church-related events and additional services, and leads our house in prayer.
Mainly, as a SAHW, my job is to keep the atmosphere of our house prayerful, peaceful, calm, orderly, clean, and healthy. It's a full-time job, for certain!
Upvote
0
C
.chrys.
Guest
SAHW and SAHM for 23 years.
I do all the household chores: cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
I do all the yard work: mowing, trimming, weeding, planting, shoveling snow, etc.
I do all the paperwork: pay the bills, keep the budget, files the taxes, keep insurance documents up to date, keep medical records straight, etc.
I keep the calendar for the family: doctor's appointments, school deadlines, club activities, social events, etc.
I drive when the family goes on outings.
I keep the vehicles up-to-date with license and registrations, drive to the shop for regular maintenance.
For 8 years I home schooled the children.
I take care of my husband.
My husband works an average of 48 hours per week.
He takes care of major repairs on the house and cars.
He takes care of reordering his medications and our kids' medications.
He helps me when I need help taking care of my grandmother's house.
He takes care of the Internet services and our phone/television plans.
He takes care of me.
I do all the household chores: cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
I do all the yard work: mowing, trimming, weeding, planting, shoveling snow, etc.
I do all the paperwork: pay the bills, keep the budget, files the taxes, keep insurance documents up to date, keep medical records straight, etc.
I keep the calendar for the family: doctor's appointments, school deadlines, club activities, social events, etc.
I drive when the family goes on outings.
I keep the vehicles up-to-date with license and registrations, drive to the shop for regular maintenance.
For 8 years I home schooled the children.
I take care of my husband.
My husband works an average of 48 hours per week.
He takes care of major repairs on the house and cars.
He takes care of reordering his medications and our kids' medications.
He helps me when I need help taking care of my grandmother's house.
He takes care of the Internet services and our phone/television plans.
He takes care of me.
Upvote
0
I've been a SAHM for 8 of the past 10 years. I went back to work full time when my oldest was 3. I thought I would go insane if I stayed home any longer The second time around (baby #2) I was/am able to really enjoy my time at home. Having children under the age of 5 really makes getting anything accomplished on a regular basis pretty difficult. It's often "one step forward, two steps back" at our house. I have always taken the lead on cooking, laundry and daily straightening. My husband mops floors once a month, carries laundry up and down stairs, takes out the trash, completes home repairs, and empties out the dishwasher. He really likes me to make the coffee the night before and I try to always make our bed daily. That's kind of how I know I've got it together for the day. Other than that, major dusting, cleaning floors, cleaning toilets, etc. happens on an as needed basis only. I will say my 3 yo loves vacuuming so I let him have at it every day This time with my kids is so short that I think it is more important that we spend quality time together. The toilets can wait!
The second time around (baby #2) I was/am able to really enjoy my time at home. Having children under the age of 5 really makes getting anything accomplished on a regular basis pretty difficult. It's often "one step forward, two steps back" at our house. I have always taken the lead on cooking, laundry and daily straightening. My husband mops floors once a month, carries laundry up and down stairs, takes out the trash, completes home repairs, and empties out the dishwasher. He really likes me to make the coffee the night before and I try to always make our bed daily. That's kind of how I know I've got it together for the day. Other than that, major dusting, cleaning floors, cleaning toilets, etc. happens on an as needed basis only. I will say my 3 yo loves vacuuming so I let him have at it every day This time with my kids is so short that I think it is more important that we spend quality time together. The toilets can wait!
Upvote
0
- Jun 14, 2004
- 4,219
- 2,144
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
Duty? That sound so obligatory. As far as duties go, that would be to love God and love her husband and love the children. All other tasks are secondary and really get worked out between the couples. FWIW, as a sample of 1, that has worked well in our family - and it keeps any resentment from building as well.
Upvote
0
Similar threads
