homemaker duties

[akmom]

I think the stay-at-home parent should do most of the housework, since they're home. If one person works full-time and the other is home full-time, I think their responsibilities should be:

All childcare while spouse is at work
Laundry (though I think that getting dirty laundry to the hamper is the responsibility of each wearer, and the putting away of the folded clothes can go either way)
Dishes (though I think that scraping off uneaten food into the trash and placing dirty dishes in the sink is the responsibility of each eater)
Vacuuming, sweeping and mopping as needed
Grocery shopping
Meal preparation
Any yardwork the stay-at-home spouse is physically capable of

It's really easy to blow off responsibilities as a stay-at-home parent/spouse, because there's no deadline and not a lot of accountability. But I wouldn't say it's a 10-minute-a-day job - at least not most days. When you have infants and young children, it's considerably harder to get all those things done. Sometimes it gets backed up and both of you have to pitch in and catch up on the weekends.

I should add that a stay-at-home spouse that does all the housework should also be making all the household rules. If he/she lives with a bunch of slobs, a tidy house just isn't going to happen. Been there, tried that.

 

[LilLamb219]

It's really easy to blow off responsibilities as a stay-at-home parent/spouse, because there's no deadline and not a lot of accountability. But I wouldn't say it's a 10-minute-a-day job - at least not most days. When you have infants and young children, it's considerably harder to get all those things done.

This is something else too that comes to mind. The employed spouse rests at night, but the SAHM is the one getting up to care for the children mostly. So taking breaks for Facebook or whatever during the day is absolutely fine when you consider the SAHM isn't a 9 to 5 job It keeps going and going and going.

There's that meme on Facebook where the husband and wife decide to go to bed. The husband...he goes straight to bed. The wife has a HUGE list of things she has to do before she finally goes to bed. I know that is not the norm for all households, but it does bring up some good points about a mom finishing up the last minute things just because she has to.

 

[Inkachu]

So true, Lil! My husband will just fall into bed while I'm the one going around locking doors, turning off lights, setting the alarm, etc. I don't really MIND doing that stuff, but I wonder, if I weren't there, would he even get up for work, with no alarm? How much electricity would be wasted with all those lights on all night? Etc...

 

[LilLamb219]

So true, Lil! My husband will just fall into bed while I'm the one going around locking doors, turning off lights, setting the alarm, etc. I don't really MIND doing that stuff, but I wonder, if I weren't there, would he even get up for work, with no alarm? How much electricity would be wasted with all those lights on all night? Etc...

LOL That really made me laugh thinking about the lights on.

A year ago my husband was transferred to a different part of the country for his work and I stayed behind to sell our house while he lived in an apartment. He had a really rough time and realized how much I actually do for him. I tell ya, he's spoiled!

 

[akmom]

I don't mind the extra five minutes it takes to turn off lights and set alarms, but waking up every 1-3 hours to feed an infant sure takes its toll. Being the one to wake up from a dead sleep every time a kid needs their sheets changed also throws off the whole night. Chauffeuring kids on your errands makes a half-hour job take hours. And any time kids are around, you have to tend to all their various needs and "emergencies" before and during any other chore. So I think sometimes new husbands envision chores as these 10-minute jobs, because that has been their experience. But for someone who is trying to cram all those chores into what is basically a daycare setting, it just isn't realistic. Stay-at-home life changes a lot when kids get older!

 

[HannahT]

I would like to hear from women and men what do YOU consider a stay at home wife and mother's duties?

I guess that would depend on the couple. We all have our gifts and debits.

One thing I have noticed is when you have someone at home - working at a job at home or just a stay at home person - people get this grand idea their time isn't as important as anyone else's. So you pretty much get landed with everything under the sun that doesn't involve an outside the house job. I wore that tee shirt for a while, until I put my foot down.

Small children need to be taught chores. They may not be good at them, but its the principal more than anything. They won't improve if practice isn't there, and it teaches them responsibility. Those chores are going to take twice as long - or longer - depending on the child. Its needed to raise responsible adults.

The working spouse also has 'at home' responsibilities (ie: chores). The H was under the impression that not working a job with children is a peaches and cream position. That was until I had to leave town, and he took off work to watch the kid(s). He found out doing chores with little one(s), cooking meals, doing laundry - along with everything else he had on his 'to do' list since he would have all this 'free' time wasn't as peaches and cream as he assumed. Some days are smooth sailing, and other are chaos. NOPE, there is no predictions available at times so you can plan either.

Duties? WELL, don't cement those in. The team has duties, and its the team member that is available to help that needs to step up. If the husband is working 12 hours a day for a special project? You step it up a bit. If the wife has a house full of sick children - or you can tell by her face she is completely WORN out by the day? You step up.

Life has hills and valleys. Having to many expectations can cause resentment, and you both need to just learn to ride the waves. SURE you can have a general idea of who does what, but don't be surprised when the job isn't always accomplished by the party you felt was responsible for it. Life happens, and at times it can be VERY busy even for the stay at home parent.

Don't let anymore stereotype the stay at home person into the box of 'WELL they don't work!" You do, and you have no time clock to punch out to get your off time. You may have some periods where things are easy breezy, and then you are running around like a chicken with your head cut off.

Your duty is to be a responsible part of the team, and be the best person God created you to be. Change things to 'our responsibility' and 'duty'. Marriage is made up of team players.

 

[akmom]

Couldn't have said it better, Hannah! We also went through that phase, where my husband's responsibilities were to go to work and to open jars, and my responsibility was EVERYTHING else. There were no breaks when the kids were little.

Now that they're getting older, I find the stay-at-home mom position to be easier. So I took on a part-time job. Plus side is, when I'm working and the kids are at school, no one is home and the house stays clean. Down side is, I have less time to deal with everything. Still easier than having an infant at home!

 

[MessianicMommy]

Um. Yeah, I'm not even sure how to answer that and I'm a SAHM...

A mother's duty is to love her children and raise them according to their needs and ensure they have secure attachment and can go out and function in the world.

Beyond that, this is the messy time of life when children are small and it's one day at a time, one foot after the other and what gets done on any given day is whatever gets done.

I do 90% of everything solo, including taking the kids to/from sports, interacting with teachers and 80% of all our food from scratch; all with chronic illness.

BUT - That is *OUR* family. Your mileage may vary.

 

[Hetta]

20 minutes for dinner is also believable because I prep all the food every Sunday night, putting together meals for the slow-cooker and pre-cooking rice and spaghetti and stuff and thawing out frozen meat so all he needs to do is grill the meat to his liking (10 minutes) and put the pre-cooked stuff on a plate and heat it up (5 minutes) if I won't be home right after work and if I will be home, I only have to spend the 15 minutes on it.

But that preparation time is also time spent preparing meals. Yes, if you spent hours preparing food, it can take 20 minutes to re-heat it or add other elements to the basic meal, but you didn't get that entire meal in 20 minutes, kwim?

 

[Hetta]

When I was a SAHM, many years ago, I basically did everything in the home, but my dh did the 'heavy lifting' that was needed. I had a handful of young children, some school age, some not, and when there were new babies, I was the one who would get up 2/3 times a night to feed and change the baby. I would get up with my husband, and usually had a baby up with us, see him off to work, get up the other kids, get everyone breakfast, take school age kids to school, and you know it's not easy to clean a house and do laundry when you have young ones who want your attention. I would typically have the little ones with me from room to room "helping" with chores, or lying in a crib or playpen while I cleaned up. We had several kids, and keeping up with babies and feeding and their clothes always needing to be replaced because they spat up when I wasn't looking ... I would do laundry every single day.

And then you have the kid who has colic and on those days, and I remember this so clearly, I could not put that kid down. I had to just hold them and walk them around and try to find some way to get them comfortable. One day, I found that if I stood (of course it had to be standing!) in front of a floor lamp, my baby quieted down. I can't even think how long I stood there but for some reason that hypnotized him into silence. LOL. That was one very bad day where that particular child had screamed from sun-up to sun-down (and yes we knew it was colic, we weren't being neglectful not taking him to the doctor). When my dh came in I handed that baby to him and went upstairs and closed the door. It was one day that I didn't want to see anyone else for a little while. After a couple of hours I had recouped my energy and was able to appreciate my family again, rather than wanting to run away from them. Amazing. That kid is now 14 but I remember this awful day very well. There were other days he had colic but never a day as bad as that one!

I had very little internet time and there was no Facebook then, but I did take time off over lunch to send/read emails or to read a book. Generally the younger kids could be persuaded to nap a little. My goodness, that was some good time.

Phew. These memories are making me exhausted. It's so much easier when the kids grow up and take care of themselves.

 

[Niffer]

I'm a SAHM, and I take care of all the household duties - cleaning, food buying/prep and majority of childcare.
Remi takes care of the bills, finances, car stuff, outside stuff and garbage.

If I need help with something, I ask.
If he needs me to take care of something, he asks.

I ask him at night if there's anything specific he'd like me to do, and I'll ask him to get something specific done if it comes up.

Household chores and and duties has never been an issue for us, we're the same when it comes to tidiness, so it works without much effort.

 

[pressingon17]

Right now I'm the sole breadwinner for the home and work graveyard shifts. She is a stay at home wife and homemaker which we both agree upon.

My role in our home:
Breadwinner
budget and pay bills
fix broken things

wifey's:
Makes the shopping list(We shop together)
plans and prepares meals
cleans the home ( we alternate on different tasks such as laundry and dishes)
Constantly encourages me and points me back to Christ and keeps me sane.

Without her I would surely starve and go insane from working every night.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I think it depends on the situation and life styles. Assuming no one has kids, some people that stay at home do everything. Some do nothing. Some split things.

Me? My wife will work soon and I'll be the stay at home husband. I'll maintain the house. Pay bills. Do chores. Possibly cook dinner (we are sort of both like to cook things). She will probably do some other things depending on what they are. Overall what I do currently is after chores I check my email, look up daily deals online. watch some youtube...etc. And spend time most importantly with my wife.