Guys, have you ever started dating a girl, really liked her, thought she was pretty and all, but then decided to hold out for something better? As in, maybe you thought she was great, but that God was going to bring you someone REALLY great later on, so you should break up with that girl to wait for someone better to come along? Now, I'm not saying if you find out you aren't compatible, etc. but just that if you have a good thing going, but for whatever reason (maybe you see that one of your friends has a better looking girlfriend who is an expert at fishing or something and your girl is not) you decide to break up with her and try and find someone better/hold out for someone better. Have you kept watch out for a better girl just in case she happened to come along? If a guy is doing this, what are the red flag signs that he's holding out for something better? Thanks!
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Holding Out
- Thread starter Living4Him03
- Start date
Breetai
For I am not ashamed of the Gospel...
I've done it quite a bit. Now I think that I should not seriously try and date anyone until I'm ready to commit.Living4Him03 said:
As for the question of what are the signs that someone is thinking of breaking up in order to find someone else, or for any reason at all, well...I think that you know them as well as I do.
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Did that once....don't regret it at all. The signs....well, if he's giving subtle hints, talking about really liking you but thinking things are going too fast, etc, etc.....look out.
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Glaz
Obama '08
Wow, that would be a lousy thing to do, hope it didn't or isn't happening to you. I don't think many Christian men would turn their back on a good thing, if they do they need to get their heads checked. Hard to pin it to any specific sign, but if you suspect it I think it would be best to just bring it out in the open with him.Living4Him03 said:
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joeman1
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I haven't done that mainly because I haven't ever been in that situation. Besides if you believe that you are with the person that you are going to marry why would you still be looking for other alternatives
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If I have a good thing going, I focus on it and appreciate it. It's not about having what you want; it's about wanting what you have. If I start to think there is someone better for me out there, then it would be sign of something wrong in my current relationship. But I would never hold out on a good thing in hopes for something better and I would hope no one would do that to me.
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K
KeilCoppes
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If you hold back on yourself you end up putting a real person into a box that doesn't exist. Are you ready to love unconditionally? Then why would you play at conditions? Why would you reserve for a fantasy? How unfair that would be to someone.
On the other hand, this isn't the same as having standards of godliness, and being realistic about things.
On the other hand, this isn't the same as having standards of godliness, and being realistic about things.
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2scoops
The LORD is on my side; I will not fear
Living4Him03 said:
I personaly would not do that. The whole purpose of dating is to find that someone who maybe marriage material. If I am dating you, my attention needs to be soley on you, as far as dating goes, not some other woman. If someone wants something better than they should not be with you. There are not many good decent christian women out there. I know if I find what I am looking for, I will not let it go. But until then, Christ fills that void.
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hischildsindik
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The only thing I think that should be reserved is for heart protection, until you both know you are the same page and desire the same thing. But by no means this is a license to look elsewhere while you are dating another. One should reserve and pray about their feelings for the other and know how they feel before popping of with a lovely one liner like "I love you". I don't know about men, but many women take that seriously.
But to hold back because you think there might be another out there "more" perfect for you, that's rash. What if the one you with truly is the one God has for you and you brush her off for some "prettier" fish out there.
But to hold back because you think there might be another out there "more" perfect for you, that's rash. What if the one you with truly is the one God has for you and you brush her off for some "prettier" fish out there.
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songz777
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Cindy to quote: But to hold back because you think there might be another out there "more" perfect for you, that's rash. What if the one you with truly is the one God has for you and you brush her off for some "prettier" fish out there.
No way should any one be like that, my deepest desires is her spirtual beauty and personality, looks MUST take lowest place
)
No way should any one be like that, my deepest desires is her spirtual beauty and personality, looks MUST take lowest place
)
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Raanan
Titles make me queasy
The thing is, I want my socks knocked off. I don't want just good, I want the BEST because God has promised us the best.
The thing I can't help thinking of reading through this thread, is my former youth paster and his wife. They both were iffy, broke up, then he decided he really wanted her but she was still iffy. Finally, she decided to go for it but the way she told it, it was more of an "alright" instead of a "YEAH!" Frankly, that frightens me. I don't want an "alright." I want whomever I marry (if I even get married) to know they want to marry me and me likewise. If that's not there... how can it be the best?!
The thing I can't help thinking of reading through this thread, is my former youth paster and his wife. They both were iffy, broke up, then he decided he really wanted her but she was still iffy. Finally, she decided to go for it but the way she told it, it was more of an "alright" instead of a "YEAH!" Frankly, that frightens me. I don't want an "alright." I want whomever I marry (if I even get married) to know they want to marry me and me likewise. If that's not there... how can it be the best?!
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looksgood
Veteran
I can honestly say in all certainty at this time that if someone is thinking there is someone better out there...then they don't need to be with who they are with. Love is a commitment. You don't say "I love you" based on a feeling. You say it based on commitment. If you are still looking...you don't truely love.
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hischildsindik
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Raanan said:
Yes, I agree. The first passion I want to know he has, is his passionate love and pursuit of Christ and Christ-likeness. Then would be his passion for life and living. What is his passion in life? What are some things that he is passionate about? The other passion
, I pray he has lots of, but I won't experience until marriage.
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mina
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the bottom line: don't string someone along as a backup plan in case you don't find "the one". People are not toys and it's awfully unfair and cruel to give someone false hope just because you want to date someone(anyone). No one should seriously date anyone unless they are willing to pursue the possibility of marriage with that person. If you think some will come along that's better out there then go find them and don't string a backup along.
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Tenorvoice
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Have you been looking into my life again L4H?Living4Him03 said:
This kind of describes my life right now. I have not been on a date with this young lady when it was just us. We have gone out with groups of people. I am VERY!!!!!!! atracted to this young lady. (and I do mean VERY).. My only drawback is that it is so hard to tell if God is telling me that this is "the one" or not. She fits into my so called "list" of what I would wnat in a future mate, but it is just so HARD. I don't even know if she feels the same way or not. Each and every time that I think about her or the situation I get those good ole butterflies in the belly. and I get so nervous round her. (even tho I shouldn't). I try my best to "hint" to her how I feel, because of the fear of rejection. (sounds childish right??) I just can not help it. I have been asking God to help me in this area and He has a great deal. Before I would have never even spoken to this young lady. I just don't even know what to do. We both do not agree with todays "dating" sceane (sp) and we both prefer the courting style of dating. (the wierd thing is that w few months ago I had a dream that I was going to ask her dad for permission to futher a relationship with her and before I could finish the question her told me that he was wondering how long I was going to go before I asked).. Strange right??
I know that GOd has someone planed for me and I want to stay in the center of His will for my life so that when she comes along that I will not miss her.
So peace to all and good night.
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joeman1
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Tenorvoice said:
I felt the same way about a young woman at my church. I even experienced some awesome things from the Lord. Or at least i thought they were from the Lord. I am not saying this to discourage you but be prepared because she might just say "lets just be friends". All i am saying is keep your hopes up but don't get them too high because its a hard hit when you go from cloud 9 and hit rock bottom.
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stormgade4
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