HOCD... Help I'm losing.

[mikeydb]

Hello everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my story. I greatly appreciate any prayers and advice you have to offer.

So I'm an 18 year old male about to shuttle off for college and unfortunately I believe I have been struggling with HOCD for pretty much the past year... I just don't get where this is coming from and it's killing me inside... I admit I am a homophobic (it's wrong of me, but the stuff just disgusts and scares me) but my mind is telling me that I'm gay 24/7. My brain is trying to excite me over gay thoughts... I don't have control over my mind and I feel sick. It's distracting and isolating me from God, my family and my friends. I've lost my enthusiasm for life and my faith (I've been a born again christian since age 7... My faith in God is the most important aspect in my life.) And I fear that I may eventually drop God and my family and go carry out the gay lifestyle. (which I know I do not want... but thoughts become action eventually right?)

I've been praying to God for guidance and reading 2 corinthians but the gay thoughts continue to push me down. I've loved women all my life but I've never had a girlfriend. (I admit that I'm very picky with girls... I just want to find the right one.) I'm just depressed and mentally exhausted... I've almost given up and just don't know what to believe anymore... Again, I appreciate any advice or prayers... Also, this is my first post and I look forward to helping others and growing in Christ on this forum...

God Bless,

Mikey

 

[Hawthourne]

Sounds like your worry about this particular sin is driving you crazy. First off, I don't think that having a revulsion towards the idea of a certain sin is inherently wrong- so long as you do not use it to vilify the people. Sure, homosexuality is condemned, but you should not look at these people any worse then you would people who engage in extramarital heterosexual activity, or stealing, or lying. The thing with sin is that we are all guilty of it at some point, and under the law are equally condemned. Try to look at these people as part of the lost, not some disgusting group. If you manage to pass that point, I don't think you deserve the label of homophobic.

Are you going to a college which is more caught up in a leftist mindset? If so, then I advise you to be on your guard. I just graduated from one, and I know that they will try to convince you that you are actually gay, and are just living in denial. Weather your mind is playing tricks on you or if you have some legitimate same-sex attraction is irrelevant. Your urges *do not* define you and *do not* control you. It is in our adversity that Christ becomes real to us. As you run into the future, and embrace the challenges set before you, may you take the struggles and temptations which weigh you down, and cast them on Christ. My advice? Commit to at least an hour of Bible reading each day and set some time aside for him. If you make him a priority in your life and draw near to him then he will draw near to you.

Lastly, and most importantly, remember that if your do sin he still loves you, and like the father of the prodigal son years for you to return into his embrace.

 

[NeedHelp87]

I feel where you're coming from. I recently fell and I'm trying to salvage the life I have hurt and the people I love that I have hurt. It's such a feeling of despair to betray everyone who loves you. I'm in a deep pit of despair and anguish right now. Only Jesus can cure me

 

[praisehim13820]

So I'm an 18 year old male about to shuttle off for college and unfortunately I believe I have been struggling with HOCD for pretty much the past year... I just don't get where this is coming from and it's killing me inside... I admit I am a homophobic (it's wrong of me, but the stuff just disgusts and scares me) but my mind is telling me that I'm gay 24/7. My brain is trying to excite me over gay thoughts... I don't have control over my mind and I feel sick.

I know exactly how you feel. Just understand that the temptations can be overcome, no matter how strong they might seem.
God has a way of testing everyone's faith, and if He gave us easy tests, what would be the point?
You aren't alone. It happens to me every day at some point, usually when I least expect it.
If you haven't given in to your desires yet, good for you! I can tell you from experience that the homosexual lifestyle is emasculating, humiliating and unfulfilling. Think long and hard before you do something impulsive; the shame lingers with you for a long time if you do.