9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,
for My strength is made perfect in weakness...”
2 Corinthians 12:9
God has laid it upon my heart to share a message to those who feel weak and unable to deal with the stresses of life, whether it is because of physical limitations or just from the challenges of life. From my experience, I have known many struggles; mentally, physically, and emotionally, and I am sure many others face similar struggles even if they are for different reasons.
Many people may not know this, but I have battled with depression most of my life, especially from the beginning of High School. For those who may not know, I had to endure several surgeries during this time, when I thought that I would only have to face one. I literally felt broken and upset, not necessarily at God, but with my situation. I thought I would recover and be able to run and play, just as I did when I was growing up. It did not turn out the way I hoped though.
Maybe it was because of the nerve damage caused by the surgeries. Maybe I was over doing it trying to get back to “normal,” which just led to discouragement and not doing physical therapy as faithfully, or perhaps it was all of the above. Whatever the case may be, I know that I felt ashamed of myself. I did not like myself; I wanted to be the way I was. I wanted to be able to run again, to stand on my toes freely again, to jump, to play volleyball, but I lost the ability I had before.
I was and I am thankful I can still walk and do some physical activity, but for an active person that loved being outdoors and found joy in running as fast as I could without worrying of hurting myself or losing balance, it was hard for me to see that taken away from me. It was hard for me to let go of the love I had for being very active.
I turned to writing down my feelings, my depression, on paper. It helped me a little bit to express my feelings in some way, but the depression would always resurface. I tried finding happiness and fulfillment in other people, but the more I tried solving my depression, the deeper the depression got and the darker my surroundings became.
Many times, I contemplated committing suicide or hurting myself, but I never followed through. I knew in my heart that it would not solve anything. It would only bring despair to my love ones, but the temptation was there. I even felt unworthy to come to God, because I knew for a fact that I was not living my life the way He wanted me to, I knew I disobeyed Him, but I wanted His love and forgiveness, things that I heard so much about.
I clung to stories of transformation, of people becoming new creations in the Lord. I hungered and thirst after their fullness, completeness, their joyfulness. After hearing stories after stories, of family members or people on television, I knew there was hope for me. I knew I had to stop focusing on others for my happiness and fulfillment, and I needed to bring all of my brokenness to God.
My transformation did not happen overnight, but little by little, I could see my personality and actions change. I finally felt like I was loved and I was worth something. I finally understood God did have a plan for my life even through all of my heartache and pain.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
When I look back now, I am actually very thankful He led me down this journey. He taught me so much through this experience. He removed my prideful thinking and showed me that I was weak, that I was unable to receive healing and restoration for my heart on my own. I needed His strength to carry me, to hold me, to set me free. God living in me grants me the strength to face each day and each obstacle. Without Him, I probably would have given up a long time ago. Thank God He was and is patient with me, because I am still not perfect, but I long to be more like Him each day; to think like Him, to love like Him, to live like Him.
God wants me to share this message with everyone, because He wants people to know that He is love. It hurts His heart, I believe, to see people running away from Him because they think He is just about rules and regulations. However, He is so much more than that. Yes, there are rules and commandments He wants us to follow, but He longs for us to have a close relationship with Him, to love Him and trust Him that He will restore us emotionally, physically, and mentally. Everything else will come naturally to His followers because it is out of our hearts that we will follow Him, not because we feel obligated to try to be “perfect.”
God wants so much more for us than to be lost in the idea we all have to be perfect in order for Him to love us and accept us. He loves us even though we are sinners. He came and died for us so that we would have a chance, a hope, for restoration and becoming new creations. Through Him living within our hearts, He will lead us to all truth, He will teach us how to develop a better character, He will cleanse us, forgive us from all of our sins, and create in us a new heart and a new mindset.
I just want to remind everyone, including myself that restoration begins with coming into a close relationship with God. After we develop a close walk with Him, it will come naturally to want to please Him and follow His commands, because His word will then be in our hearts and not just tablets of stone.
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
~Corrie ten Boom~
~Corrie ten Boom~
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