High Standards

[TheOliveSeed]

I have high standards. High character standards, that is.

+1

 

[bluegreysky]

The more I talk to a lot of peeps at work, church, and wherever, the more I feel kind of sad and maybe a tad bit left out.

Do you guys have high standards regarding your future spouse? Do you guys want a beautiful, white-collar spouse who makes tons of cash?


I don't know. It feels like somewhere along the road, our priorities have been messed up. Not saying that having a beautiful, white-collar spouse who makes tons of cash is a bad thing. Just saying that desiring only that smells like issues.

Society's all about money, jobs, career, degrees, prestige, happiness level, and self. I'm getting tired of this...

No, he just can't be a jerk.
Or a loser.
Or a slob.
Or a slacker.
Or a druggie.
Or a dropout.
Or an abuser.
Or a liar.
Or a con artist.
Or not a christian.

Other then that, as long as he's a Christian with a good heart and a good head on his shoulders and no drama, he can make "ok" money and rent a place and have an older car or have a gift car his dad gave him, or even stay with his parents until we get married, and only be of average talent or be an introvert and that's fine.

 

[AwesomeSock]

I only date movie star, Olympian, Nobel Laureates who own at least eleventy-five oil wells.

 

[dandymandy]

I am waiting breathlessly for Microsoft to market a cut-and-paste app for Facebook. I'll stand all night (in the rain) outside of Wal-Mart to be there when the doors open on the day of release. lol

 

[AmericanSamurai]

Some people like Stepford wives, I don't.

 

[Saucy]

*raises hand* I have black hair and green/hazel eyes that change colors. I have a giant heart and love God. I'm a published author along with several journalist articles. I'm on my way up. Someone catch me!

 

[Bristecom]

The more I talk to a lot of peeps at work, church, and wherever, the more I feel kind of sad and maybe a tad bit left out.

Do you guys have high standards regarding your future spouse? Do you guys want a beautiful, white-collar spouse who makes tons of cash?


I don't know. It feels like somewhere along the road, our priorities have been messed up. Not saying that having a beautiful, white-collar spouse who makes tons of cash is a bad thing. Just saying that desiring only that smells like issues.

Society's all about money, jobs, career, degrees, prestige, happiness level, and self. I'm getting tired of this...

To be honest, I almost see that as a negative. With all due respect, the women who have nice degrees and make good money are often times... rather manly. Now, I know it's because they're just trying to survive on their own in a way they were taught in order to compete with men in the work place. But what's worse, from my experience around these types of women, they constantly talk about work even when they aren't there. Again, I kind of feel bad for them because they aren't necessarily doing anything wrong but they've just grown to be very dedicated to their work and that becomes their world.

The other part of it is that I would feel a little awkward if my wife was the one mainly working and providing. I'd prefer a more traditional style family where I would mostly provide financially. Of course, in these times, she would still likely need to do some work but that's very different from a career woman. I very much prefer a woman to play a support role rather than a head role.

But speaking of which, I recently went to a post-grad group at church which had a bunch of single career women there and they were mainly just interested in what work I did. It's almost as if marriage is just a logistics things to them now. I just don't want that kind of relationship! There's more to life/relationships than work and money!

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

The more I talk to a lot of peeps at work, church, and wherever, the more I feel kind of sad and maybe a tad bit left out.

Do you guys have high standards regarding your future spouse? Do you guys want a beautiful, white-collar spouse who makes tons of cash?


I don't know. It feels like somewhere along the road, our priorities have been messed up. Not saying that having a beautiful, white-collar spouse who makes tons of cash is a bad thing. Just saying that desiring only that smells like issues.

Society's all about money, jobs, career, degrees, prestige, happiness level, and self. I'm getting tired of this...

No, I do not have "standards" for people.

People should live according to what is good/right, not according to "standards" that anybody creates.

To expect people to meet my "standards" would have to be one of the most arrogant, narcissistic things that I could do.

People should do what is good/right, not what I expect them to do.

 

[Cearbhall]

To be honest, I almost see that as a negative. With all due respect, the women who have nice degrees and make good money are often times... rather manly.

That's totally fine if you have that preference. Just recognize that it's a negative for you personally, not an objective negative.

But what's worse, from my experience around these types of women, they constantly talk about work even when they aren't there. Again, I kind of feel bad for them because they aren't necessarily doing anything wrong but they've just grown to be very dedicated to their work and that becomes their world.

I'm not really sure what you're getting at here. It sounds like it'd be tough to have a successful long-term relationship with anyone like this, regardless of sex or gender. But again, as long as you only apply this to yourself and your relationships, it doesn't really matter if I understand or agree. I recognize that you have no reason to be concerned with the behavior of other men, since they aren't potential partners of yours, so maybe that's why you're only commenting on men. Either way, some people are very happy living this way and centering their lives on work. Some aren't looking for a long-term relationship, and others have a long-term relationship of a nature that is compatible with this lifestyle.

But speaking of which, I recently went to a post-grad group at church which had a bunch of single career women there and they were mainly just interested in what work I did.

...you went to a group that was specifically for post-grads and you found that strange? Or was it for single post-grads and you just expected a different balance between these two conversational aims?

 

[Bristecom]

That's totally fine if you have that preference. Just recognize that it's a negative for you personally, not an objective negative.

Yes, that is why I said "I almost see that as" not "all men see that as."

I'm not really sure what you're getting at here. It sounds like it'd be tough to have a successful long-term relationship with anyone like this, regardless of sex or gender. But again, as long as you only apply this to yourself and your relationships, it doesn't really matter if I understand or agree. I recognize that you have no reason to be concerned with the behavior of other men, since they aren't potential partners of yours, so maybe that's why you're only commenting on men. Either way, some people are very happy living this way and centering their lives on work. Some aren't looking for a long-term relationship, and others have a long-term relationship of a nature that is compatible with this lifestyle.

Well, I was commenting on such women on behalf of myself as a man. Of course there may be some career people out there who don't ever want marriage. But for those that do, the things I mentioned are a consideration. And I just figured we were talking about a true relationship which leads up to marriage. As a Christian, I am against short-term sexual relationships, if that's what you meant.

...you went to a group that was specifically for post-grads and you found that strange? Or was it for single post-grads and you just expected a different balance between these two conversational aims?

I believe it was for single post-grads or singles in that age-group. So as you said, I guess I just expected a different kind of balance instead of constant conversations about work.

 

[Cearbhall]

No, I do not have "standards" for people.

People should live according to what is good/right, not according to "standards" that anybody creates.

To expect people to meet my "standards" would have to be one of the most arrogant, narcissistic things that I could do.

People should do what is good/right, not what I expect them to do.

We're not talking about how people should live in general, we're talking about your standards for a future partner. The former would certainly be over-the-top, but it's not arrogant or narcissistic to want your partner to have certain qualities, values, and goals.

Yes, that is why I said "I almost see that as" not "all men see that as."

Okay.

 

[Toro]

Yes and no.

High almost impossible to find standards, in I want a woman with, honor, love, loyalty, honesty, kind/gentle, strong and a believer and a few other traits.

I do not expect her to be perfect, not even near perfect. Simply a woman with character and can BE a character when we are being energetic and "hyper". If I go into a toys r us, I don't want to be the only one pushing buttons.

I want her to be with me pulling out plastic swordsw in the middle of the isle sword fighting as I say..... "Your not my father!.......yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoowksssssh" (Hey, just cause I dont like starwars don't mean I cant use the line. ) until we inevitably get kicked out of the store together for riding on those bouncey ball things down the isle.

As far as physically, not really, I DO have to find her attractive, but I have a wide range of women I find attractive. I find a woman can be beautiful with her hair in a ponytail and walking around in sweat pants/shirt even without makeup. Im a freak, I know.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

We're not talking about how people should live in general, we're talking about your standards for a future partner. The former would certainly be over-the-top, but it's not arrogant or narcissistic to want your partner to have certain qualities, values, and goals...

If I found out that a woman decided that she wanted to be with me because I passed her litmus test of "high standards" I would be extremely disappointed and uncomfortable.

Or do women simply see me as an object to be judged by their "standards"?

Maybe I am too naive, but I would hope that people form intimate relationships because they like each other, care about each other, etc., not because it is some calculated choice like shopping for a car.

 

[Cearbhall]

If I found out that a woman decided that she wanted to be with me because I passed her litmus test of "high standards" I would be extremely disappointed and uncomfortable.

Or do women simply see me as an object to be judged by their "standards"?

Maybe I am too naive, but I would hope that people form intimate relationships because they like each other, care about each other, etc., not because it is some calculated choice like shopping for a car.

Having standards is not objectification.

I want children, so I'm going to marry someone who wants children.

I want my children to be free to choose a faith (or faithlessness), so I'm going to marry someone who agrees with that.

I want my children and I to be safe, so I'm not going to marry someone who I feel might hurt us.

I want my children and I to be financially secure, so I'm going to marry someone who has good career prospects and is financially responsible.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Having standards is not objectification.

I want children, so I'm going to marry someone who wants children.

I want my children to be free to choose a faith (or faithlessness), so I'm going to marry someone who agrees with that.

I want my children and I to be safe, so I'm not going to marry someone who I feel might hurt us.

I want my children and I to be financially secure, so I'm going to marry someone who has good career prospects and is financially responsible.

Call it objectification or call it something else, either way it is dehumanizing. It treats me like an object to be compared to a list of criteria. It is not much different than saying, "I want an automatic transmission, good gas mileage...".

I don't treat women that way. I would appreciate being treated with the same dignity and respect that I show.

 

[Cearbhall]

Call it objectification or call it something else, either way it is dehumanizing. It treats me like an object to be compared to a list of criteria. It is not much different than saying, "I want an automatic transmission, good gas mileage...".

I don't treat women that way. I would appreciate being treated with the same dignity and respect that I show.

You think the list that I made is objectifying and dehumanizing? I have dignity and respect for myself, my future spouse, and my future children, and I expect him to have the same. Those are pretty basic expectations. I'm not sure how a marriage could survive if both people weren't in agreement about even simple things like the ones that I listed.

The way I see it, it all works out. I won't marry someone who has a problem with having standards and thinks that my criteria go against dignity and respect, and that person won't marry someone who has standards.

But sorry, no, I'm not going to abandon my standards just because one guy on the internet thinks that he shouldn't have to do anything to deserve someone's lifelong partnership. I want someone who cares more than that.

 

[Jess7737]

I honestly just want a guy who is what he says he is. Godly man who is in love with Jesus Christ. Who is seeking to go further in the things of God together with me. Who will treat me the way God intended men to treat women. Im tired of meeting men who have a mask on, and end up being crazy wackos who are far from being Christian. This world is so messed up, I find fewer and fewer people being who they actually say they are anymore. That's my standard, a guy who IS A GODLY MAN, who's words matches up with the fruits he bears.

 

[Strider1002]

Call it objectification or call it something else, either way it is dehumanizing. It treats me like an object to be compared to a list of criteria. It is not much different than saying, "I want an automatic transmission, good gas mileage...".

I don't treat women that way. I would appreciate being treated with the same dignity and respect that I show.

Will you date a woman who will sleep with you on the first date?

Will you date an alcoholic?

Will you date a convicted murderer?

If you answer no to any of those, then you have standards

 

[RaisinOatmeal]

Call it objectification or call it something else, either way it is dehumanizing. It treats me like an object to be compared to a list of criteria. It is not much different than saying, "I want an automatic transmission, good gas mileage...".

I don't treat women that way. I would appreciate being treated with the same dignity and respect that I show.

Erm, chances are, if you do not meet a woman's basic criteria, you will still be treated with dignity and respect, just not considered as a candidate for life partnership. No worries there

Maybe I'm just speaking from my personal perspective, but if a woman is taking the trouble to match you up against her criteria set, it's only because she finds you attractive and worth the trouble of putting you through the filtering process. If you pass the basic filter, THEN the real evaluation begins as she finds out more about your real character and so on and so forth.

If a woman doesn't make use of that criteria filter, she'd be snapped up by the first guy that shows up in her life. A good mother will not leave the survival and wellbeing of her progeny to chance meetings with single men. So don't be disheartened by the matching process - just keep the dungballs rolling

 

[Cearbhall]

If a woman doesn't make use of that criteria filter, she'd be snapped up by the first guy that shows up in her life. A good mother will not leave the survival and wellbeing of her progeny to chance meetings with single men.

This. It would be disrespectful to myself and to my future children to marry the first person I fall in love with without any regard for anything else.