hi never used a chat board before,need some unbiast advise. im 22 and been together with girl now married, together for 4 years. inlaws live around the corner and are always visiting and telling my wife what to do and how to run our lives, and she always takes their side when i try to talk to her and she has become very greedy and never lets me go out or have any money. i take home $630 a week and get $20. to myself. my friends all hate me and im starting to resent her. my family live in queensland and im surrounded by her family everyday and night. i take medication to try and keep happy but it just is not working. my 2 pasters/revrons are not helping cause they love her and the family. my brother and sisters agree that i need to do something. sorry to put all this on you. but ive hit that many brick walls.
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hi
- Thread starter milhouse
- Start date
milhouse said:
Ill tell you, living near inlaws can destroy a marriage.
My mom loathed my ex and made it clear.
Her parents love me, but they were some of the most annoying and demanding people Ive ever met.
Have you considered moving?
And Id start taking control of your money.
If she works you 2 sit down and split up the bills.
Each person gets assigned bills proportionate to their income.
This way she can pay her bills and you can pay yours.
If you are the sole breadwinner, then you pay the bills with her then divide the money as you see fit after everything is paid.
Judging from experience, this will continue as long as you permit it.
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Parent's no longer have that authority over children when they become married. Many marriages end due to in-laws meddling in the lives of their kids after marriage. Your wife needs to grow up and be a part of her own family.
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Southern Cross
Conservative Republican Hippy People Shooter
- Oct 29, 2004
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Is there perhaps some reason why she doesn't trust you with the money? Does she not feel you are mature enough to handle the finances? Is there a past history here that makes your wife feel uncomfortable with leaving the money in your hands? There are two sides to every story. Either your wife is controlling, or she has valid concerns.
When I was watching money disappear - just didn't know where it was all going - I opened up my own checking account and had it direct deposited by my company. I have a check card with my own PIN. My situation is very different than yours.
If you are responsible with our money, put your foot down, and take control. If you are not reponsible, let her keep control. As long as the money is being spent wisely, it's ok to let your wife take care of the finances unitl you are prepared to do so.
About the parents - I have had those discussions. They deserve your respect, but in the end your wife will have to choose. I'd look into moving.
When I was watching money disappear - just didn't know where it was all going - I opened up my own checking account and had it direct deposited by my company. I have a check card with my own PIN. My situation is very different than yours.
If you are responsible with our money, put your foot down, and take control. If you are not reponsible, let her keep control. As long as the money is being spent wisely, it's ok to let your wife take care of the finances unitl you are prepared to do so.
About the parents - I have had those discussions. They deserve your respect, but in the end your wife will have to choose. I'd look into moving.
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Katydid
Just a Mom
- Jun 23, 2004
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This is something that my husband and I only had to deal with for a year, and we were lucky it was near my family, not his. If you read this honey, sorry, I just can't see living near your sister. Anyway, we are military and I believe our marriage is better for it. We have to rely on each other whenever we move somewhere new, we have to support each other. Outside influences in a marriage are usually not beneficial, OK sometimes they are, but unwanted outside influences are usually not. I would really consider relocating if at all possible. Just look for a job outside that area. Perhaps her parents just bring out the worst in her, and you.
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heartnsoul
Don't settle for less than God's best!
You've received very good advice by everyone here. Just want to add that even the bible clearly states that when a man marries, he must leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. Likewise, the woman must leave her mother and father and cleave to her husband.
Moving away would be a good start at solving the problems. The root of your wife's emotional dependency is another problem that may need to be worked through after moving. Communication is so crucial in any relationship. Hopefully you both can sit down and iron things out together as TEAM. I will be praying for you both.
Moving away would be a good start at solving the problems. The root of your wife's emotional dependency is another problem that may need to be worked through after moving. Communication is so crucial in any relationship. Hopefully you both can sit down and iron things out together as TEAM. I will be praying for you both.
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URGGGGGGGGGGG
!
These situations drive me nuts...mainly because sometimes I feel like shipping my husband off to his mother so she can finish raising him!!!!!!!!!!! J/K
...ok...with that said...even though you distance yourself and move far away from your in-laws, they're still a phone call away, so although that may help, it won't solve everything. I would suggest having a heart-to-heart with your wife so she can clearly understand how it is affecting you and your marriage and seek some christian counseling...not necessarily through your church, but elsewhere.
As for the money issue...I can totally feel your pain! However, this is something you'd have to sit down with your wife and discuss.
I'll be praying for you!
~lei
!These situations drive me nuts...mainly because sometimes I feel like shipping my husband off to his mother so she can finish raising him!!!!!!!!!!! J/K
...ok...with that said...even though you distance yourself and move far away from your in-laws, they're still a phone call away, so although that may help, it won't solve everything. I would suggest having a heart-to-heart with your wife so she can clearly understand how it is affecting you and your marriage and seek some christian counseling...not necessarily through your church, but elsewhere.
As for the money issue...I can totally feel your pain! However, this is something you'd have to sit down with your wife and discuss.
I'll be praying for you!
~lei
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