Hi all

[anberlinfan]

Hi, i dont really post here too often. But i might aswell admit the obvious.
Im a selfharmer. And i cant stop

Ive tried so many different ways, and am going to counceling. But i just cant help myself.

It's late, and im really tired, so im not gonna delve into my story, but i might at a later date if anyones interested

 

[rocklife]

welcome

 

[bubblefish]

*hug* Welcome to this part of the forum Hun. I know what it is like to struggle, but I assure you that you can get through this

If you ever want to talk, or share any of your story, please continue to post here.. or you can always PM me. I am always happy to listen.

Blessings,
Katie

 

[anberlinfan]

Im not as tired now
For anyone who wants to read.......
I was born in south africa and moved to Ireland when i was three(i look irish cause of an irish dad ) and when i went to school first i was seen as 'different'. The bullying started.
I moved after the 3rd year in primary school, and the bullying seemed to stop. But, what was happening was the other kids were using me, slowly lowering my self esteem.
Then around 6th class(last year in primary) the bullying got bad again. After my parents not really helping me at the start, i didnt tell them. And had no-one to talk to.
So i pushed it all under the carpet. Put all my emotions to one side.
Then in the first year of secondry school(i was 12) the bullying got REALLY bad. I had a look at the order of malta charter of bullying, and i had expereanced all of the different types to the extreme.
This carried on really bad till third year. All of the time i was putting all my emotions to the side, locking them away because i had noway to get them out. Not even someone i could trust enough to tell them too. Now, fourth year is over and so much has happened in it.
I went to a Christian camp last October, and the emotions started to come out, i started to make friends, proper friends, for the first time. Then around Christmas, just before another camp(at new years) and i was pretty suiciday before, and wasnt really after, though i became anorexic there :S
Between then and Easter I became pretty seriously annorexic, and started self harming. During the course of the camp, I cut my wrists really bad several times, and still have the scars up my arms from then(after bio-oil). Over the five day camp the only thing i ate was maybe 5 sweets. Between Christmas and now, ive dropped 4 inches around my waist.
Ive gotten alot better on both the eating(although i was bullimic recently, stopped) and the selfharming...
But i just cant get rid of either of em, just really need a way to escape sometimes...

If you read all of that, fair play
If you just skimmed through it, thanks for caring.

anberlinfan.

 

[Everlasting33]

Hi, i dont really post here too often. But i might aswell admit the obvious.
Im a selfharmer. And i cant stop

Ive tried so many different ways, and am going to counceling. But i just cant help myself.

It's late, and im really tired, so im not gonna delve into my story, but i might at a later date if anyones interested

Nice to meet you!

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with self-harm. I read your last post and it seems to me that this bullying really had a negative effect on you. You were probably made to feel inferior, inadequate, stupid, ugly, unacceptable, unlovable, and unimportant. No doubt, these negative emotions were simply too overwhelming for you. You may have thought, "Wow, none of these people like me...there must be something seriously wrong with me." And before you know it, you began to believe there was something terribly wrong with you. This lowered your self-esteem and led to self-destructive behaviors such as cutting and an eating disorder.

I can understand what you are going through. Like you, I was teased (mainly by girls) for my slim size and my clothes. I was made to feel so inadequate and inferior...I felt like I did not matter to anyone and that something about me was ugly or deficient. I soon cut myself because of self-hatred and disgust. I hated who I was because no one around me liked me...I must be a loser.

Fortunately, I did not self-harm for more than a year and I quit cold turkey. Through therapy, I was encouraged to acknowledge that the teasing had nothing to do with me but rather the people and how they perceived my shyness.

Did counseling help you? What kind of positive outlets for your pain can you think of?

Remember, most of the feelings you are experiencing are because of the bullying. If you feel inadequate, say to yourself "I am feeling this way because of the bullying. What those people said and did were wrong and I am as worthwhile as a human being as them."

I hope this helps a little!

 

[anberlinfan]

I thought i should post here again to 'clear things up'.....

Em, Ive stopped Self Harming, and am eating 'normally' (wahtever that is) just skipping a meal ever once in a while. But nothing serious.
Im on the right path, and generally feel better about myself.
And of course, im trying to get closer to God.

Just wanted to say thanks tp EVERYONE who took the time to at least click on my post.
and so on and so forth

 

[bubblefish]

That is great Hun!!


Keep going! Glad things are getting better for you

 

[Christine_H0pe]

Hi, there.

I'm sorry your going through this, but hang in there and be strong. You will make it in the end.

x