Hey, found this board and thought Id post, not sure why really lol. Maybe just to clarify some of my own thoughts and get opinions from people who have been diagnosed..
I watched a program on TV about bi-polar a few weeks ago and it was uncanny, the things people were saying about what they thought and felt.
I was quite severely depressed about the age of 16 I started feeling it progress from the age of about 14.
I stayed in my little bubble quite inward after the ordeal, and had a decent year about the age of 18, until I started becoming pretty self-destructive again.
The second time though was much worse than the first as I couldnt let myself attempt suicide again for the sake of the people around me, and also because it was so frustrating the fact that I could feel it starting all over again since Id vowed never to get like that again.
I was only on anti-deps for about a month the second time because I decided I wanted to sort it out once and for all myself.
(Perhaps my parents know something I don't since my Dad said to me once 'calm down your manic at the moment)..
Anywhos, Im quite an obscure person anyway with a bizzare sense of humor (ill get to how I am generally now)..
Being depressed the second time, I found God, and He taught me to use the sadness to compare beauty. And so I learnt to see beauty in the most subtle of places, from the way the sun lies in the clouds to the quaintness of human nature.
My family find it very difficult to understand me (they also seriously live in the past and tear apart my words for any hint of negativity), I cant feel relaxed around them at all nor be myself.
Myself as it has been since Ive cme to know me is I enjoy being on my own, thinking mostly, philosophical things, thinking about the things that hurt me that are never going to be able to change.. The only way I can describe how I feel is something like a tormenting sorrow that I know will never go away. The only way it can leave is if I die, so naturally Im looking forward to death and being with the Lord.
At the moment though Ive started learning how to draw and I play musical instruments, write alot of poetry so since Ive found the places I can take momentary joys from, I figure Ill stick around and enjoy those moments, though I know the pain is still there and it'll come back with a vengeance at one time or another.
There's not a huge amount of difference when Im up or down, either way I feel unbearably full of life as I figure I cant feel so down about things if I didnt care. So I can weep (not cry) for sorrow, and for beauty.
When Im down, I cant do anything. I cant sleep though I feel like I could sleep for a thousand lifetimes. Certainly not concentrate lol..
And when Im up I cant concentrate either because I have so many hobbies that I really enjoy I cant stick to one long enough to make any real progress.
Even when Im up I cant sleep either I think Im just more of a dozer.
Im not sure why I posted here its just some things people are saying sounds extremely familiar to me, like how its something you feel inside that will last forever.
Then again though I may just be a creative heart that is a little too sensitive to the things around me and a little prone to depression every now and again lol.
Thanks for listening to my v.long rant.. (this sounds very teenish but I've not once found anyone that can understand where Im coming from, nor understand why I say the things I do, Its as though iIm on a completely different wavelength, like Im sat on the edge of the world looking in and looking out just observing.)
OOOps thanks again lol.
Take care
xxx
I watched a program on TV about bi-polar a few weeks ago and it was uncanny, the things people were saying about what they thought and felt.
I was quite severely depressed about the age of 16 I started feeling it progress from the age of about 14.
I stayed in my little bubble quite inward after the ordeal, and had a decent year about the age of 18, until I started becoming pretty self-destructive again.
The second time though was much worse than the first as I couldnt let myself attempt suicide again for the sake of the people around me, and also because it was so frustrating the fact that I could feel it starting all over again since Id vowed never to get like that again.
I was only on anti-deps for about a month the second time because I decided I wanted to sort it out once and for all myself.
(Perhaps my parents know something I don't since my Dad said to me once 'calm down your manic at the moment)..
Anywhos, Im quite an obscure person anyway with a bizzare sense of humor (ill get to how I am generally now)..
Being depressed the second time, I found God, and He taught me to use the sadness to compare beauty. And so I learnt to see beauty in the most subtle of places, from the way the sun lies in the clouds to the quaintness of human nature.
My family find it very difficult to understand me (they also seriously live in the past and tear apart my words for any hint of negativity), I cant feel relaxed around them at all nor be myself.
Myself as it has been since Ive cme to know me is I enjoy being on my own, thinking mostly, philosophical things, thinking about the things that hurt me that are never going to be able to change.. The only way I can describe how I feel is something like a tormenting sorrow that I know will never go away. The only way it can leave is if I die, so naturally Im looking forward to death and being with the Lord.
At the moment though Ive started learning how to draw and I play musical instruments, write alot of poetry so since Ive found the places I can take momentary joys from, I figure Ill stick around and enjoy those moments, though I know the pain is still there and it'll come back with a vengeance at one time or another.
There's not a huge amount of difference when Im up or down, either way I feel unbearably full of life as I figure I cant feel so down about things if I didnt care. So I can weep (not cry) for sorrow, and for beauty.
When Im down, I cant do anything. I cant sleep though I feel like I could sleep for a thousand lifetimes. Certainly not concentrate lol..
And when Im up I cant concentrate either because I have so many hobbies that I really enjoy I cant stick to one long enough to make any real progress.
Even when Im up I cant sleep either I think Im just more of a dozer.
Im not sure why I posted here its just some things people are saying sounds extremely familiar to me, like how its something you feel inside that will last forever.
Then again though I may just be a creative heart that is a little too sensitive to the things around me and a little prone to depression every now and again lol.
Thanks for listening to my v.long rant.. (this sounds very teenish but I've not once found anyone that can understand where Im coming from, nor understand why I say the things I do, Its as though iIm on a completely different wavelength, like Im sat on the edge of the world looking in and looking out just observing.)
OOOps thanks again lol.
Take care
xxx
Welcome to the forum.
