hey.... i have a problem.

[Endure2]

sorry this may be long... but any good advice would be appreciated, me and the girl i like had a big problem the other night...

theres this girl named Sherry, and i really have strong feelings for her, i care for her so much, and i think she cares for me the same.

i have wanted to have a relationship with her for a while but she has just been so hard to pin down as far as her feeling any certain way about me... its never straight forward...and so it seems like she just doesnt want it (in my manly simple way of thinking)
but the other night we talked and she agreed to do what we called "casual dating" where there we no big commitments of strong ties, but just to see how things went, so if it didnt work neither of us gets hurt.

well it lasted about 24 hours...

she came in to work the next day (we work together) and she barely noticed me or anything, she worked and talked to everyone except for me and i felt so left out since we did kinda have atleast some kind of relationship, i thought so anyway... i thought thats what we agreed to. i felt like she didnt care to have anything to do with me... was she wanting me to initiate?

so later i made mention of how i felt to her and she just gave me a hug and she smiled she left me again but she didnt say anything... so.... me being the kind of person who wants to be talkative and affectual was hurt by this.

and later...
another friend, NICLOLE has been trying to hook me up on a blind date with someone for a while now...

so i kind of thoughtlessly asked for the girls number saying (well i dont have anything else) , and sherry didnt like this.
and my friend nicole was kind of asking sherry what she thought and again i thoughtlessly, jokingly said to nicole not to worry about what sherry thought.

and then sherry comes up and bluntly tells me that every chance i ever had with her is gone and stomps off... so i immediatly yell something smart back and start to say things like "why should i be commited you?! you dont do anything for me!" (the really left out feeling i talked about?)

so then... for the rest of the night i was in this terrible rage becuase i felt like she was so wrong to me... i was rude to her, mean to her and i refused to talk to her except for one very mean comment i made to her.

and i justified it all with how i felt so mad and left alone, becuase she doesnt talk to me or show me the kind of attention and affection i feel like i need in a real relationship so i think she must not care anyway and i never had a chance anyway.
all she ever does is hug me or cuddle with me... i feel like she has me around as her big teddy bear to just cuddle with when she wants to becuase i feels good... becuase she doesnt actually get serious and talk to me or meet me on my level for anything... its just a smile and a hug and an assurance that she loves me and thats all she does...

so i feel neglected and uncared for.... ya know?
so i felt ok with being mad.

but now...
i cant stay mad at her, im so sorry i hurt her and i want to go say im sorry becuase bottom line... i care for her alot, and my care for her outlasts all that anger. im so sorry that i talked to her like i did... im so sorry for how i treated her... i dont want to lose her.

but part of me is careful becuase what if she isnt good for me? what if she doesnt really care? what if it would never work? i feel like she may still be bad for me...

should i just try to apologise and be simple friends now, if she lets me?
should i try the relationship again in a new light, if she lets me?
why is she doing this?

did i ruin it?

i dont think shell talk to me anymore... i dont know.

anybody have anything to say?

 

[Endure2]

hmmm..... thanx.
it makes sense.

 

[Hooch]

Problems with more than one girl? Man- my sympathies don't go very deep. All I can say is rock on. Keep up the good work my friend.

Sherry sounds like a tease- let the girl go. If you work with her- make ammends so that you can be friends- or at least friendly. She sounds like more trouble than she is worth to me.

 

[superfly]

right on, i couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Endure2]

well i think sherry is a little young and acts kinda goofy sometimes, but she genuinely cares for me, i know she does... though i sure didnt feel like it the other day when it all went crasy and i was using bad words at her.
sometimes she makes me mad and confuses me, but one thing is true, she knows me like few people do and she is one of the best friends i have when it comes down to it. thats one of the problems i have, we have a great friendship, its so good im really scared this whole relationship thing is going to ruin it. i dont want to go on without her.


blue impulse

thankyou so much for the comprehensive reply, i did it all the best i could and its working, i apologised and she somehow quickly forgave me for being so down right mean the other day... and then i eventually got her to just talk to me and tell me exactly how she felt, and she did.

we have decided to just be friends becuase she isnt sure if she wants or is ready for a real relationship with me right now becuase alot has happened between us and its a little too soon for her... like for the last 4 of 5 years she really wanted to be with me and i never did... and eventually she gave up. but now in the last 3 months ive started liking her... only now, she isnt so willing to just up and go back to all that, she realy still doesnt know what to think. its kinda too much...

so, shes really unsure. so no serious relationship.
good friends it is.

 

[superfly]

that sounds cool. i'm glad that things are sorted out. they may not always be like we want them, but at least it's sorted. i hope things turn out well for you, both of you.

 

[bliz]

My friend, you need to get some professional counseling.

Your reaction to things was way over the top, and still you feel justified. Why on earth she quickly forgave you is beyond my comprehension. You moved from loving her and pushing way too hard for a commitment, to making contact with another woman, to yelling at her and hurting her, to apologizing to her - all over almost nothing! Unstable, immature, anger problems... all are areas of concern. Please, go get some proefssional help that can help you sort out why you would behave as you did.

 

[Endure2]

and now i have to explain myself to you too...
i mean shoot, better do something about me, i am sometimes immature and sometimes unstable and sometimes i get angry. OH ****!

and i guess your Miss. Mayberry who never has these dirty little sins that make me diffrent from other people. dispicable! how could i? how dare i be immature, unstable and angry all at the same time? how dare i not be perfect!? where were you at 22?
cus ive just stepped into the hazardous world of trying to figure out females... and from the way it looks the grass is greener on the other side.


but hey "rot only adds to the flavor" according to some people.

 

[red_head_4ever]

An apology would definitely be good to her, but you might want to consider leaving her alone after that and finding smeone else who can show you their feelings for you more, cause that's what you want right? Someone who talks to you and lets you know they care, so go out and find her! Hehe. Go out, find her and sweep her off her feet

 

[ardeur]

Hehe... why must it be so hard for males to understand females, and females to understand males? It would seem to me that good communication would solve that problem, but oh no...

Anyhow, I think you did the right thing in the end Endure2. Take it slow and talk a LOT. I know you two must be pretty close friends as it is, so get to know each other on something more like the best-friends level. Relationships, emotions, physicality, other people... it all gets so complicated! I was close friends with my boyfriend for nearly two years before we agreed on a serious relationship (yay!!). I can't stand this I-just-met-you-let's-try-dating routine.

 

[Endure2]

yeah, well thanks for the advice everyone, this whole thing has kinda sorted itself out, i think im going to just stop pursuing a relationship with her.

shes not a christian... and i dont think were good for each other on anything more than a best friend kind of thing.

 

[Endure2]

yeah i know, and ive always known... but these feelings that ive had for her changed my mind...
but yeah, its over.

 

[InTheFlame]

and now i have to explain myself to you too...
i mean shoot, better do something about me, i am sometimes immature and sometimes unstable and sometimes i get angry. OH ****!

Hope you're actually working on these faults, not excusing them because you're only 22 (yes, I'm assuming you are working on them... and/or letting God work on them... not assuming you're foolish into the bargain )

cus ive just stepped into the hazardous world of trying to figure out females... and from the way it looks the grass is greener on the other side.

Here's a tip... start with trying to work out other _people_ ... women are just other people with other viewpoints. Sure, they tend to have similar traits - many women are nurturing, OK with sharing feelings, OK with HAVING feelings for that matter... but when you get right down to it, making assumptions on what someone wants based on _any_ generalisation is going to get you into trouble. And working out other people and how they tick is hard work. You may end up with the equivalent of a psych degree

 

[InTheFlame]

Whoops forgot to add... giving up on a relationship with someone you have feelings for always hurts. Give yourself some time to get over the hurt and the feelings you have.

 

[Disciple_Of_God19]

and now i have to explain myself to you too...
i mean shoot, better do something about me, i am sometimes immature and sometimes unstable and sometimes i get angry. OH ****!

and i guess your Miss. Mayberry who never has these dirty little sins that make me diffrent from other people. dispicable! how could i? how dare i be immature, unstable and angry all at the same time? how dare i not be perfect!? where were you at 22?
cus ive just stepped into the hazardous world of trying to figure out females... and from the way it looks the grass is greener on the other side.


but hey "rot only adds to the flavor" according to some people.

Buddy, first of all I think this comment went a little over the line. Regardless if you were being sarcastic or joking it was still crossing the edge. Let me explain something to you about women that I have come to realize: no matter how hard you try you will never fully understand them. Don't ever think that you can because otherwise you are in for a big surprise my friend. I can clearly tell that you are not even ready for a relationship with ANY girl until you get some things in your life sorted out. I say this because based on the way you responded to the person whom you decided to say this, it sounds like you are indeed not ready to enter a relationship. Granted, like somebody else said an apology would be a very wise answer indeed. Leave it at that and let her decide if she still wants to be friends with you at the least. You probably are gonna want professional help like someone else said (can't remember her name) to sort out why you have acted this way over what appears to be nothing. Granted, I've done the same thing a long time ago and I haven't even made it to 20 yet. However, that doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two about relationships and girls. I have been around them all of my life and I know what I'm talking about. Dude, if you don't treat these ladies with respect and show them that you really care about them then don't even bother. Also, "casual dating" is not even a term I would come close to using. You are either commited or you aren't. It's really that simple. Plus, it needs to be a MUTUAL feeling between both memebers involved. I could blister your ears about all that I know right now, but I'm willing to bet that if you're really curious and want to know more of what I'm talking about, I'd be more than happy to share my knowledge and experiences with you. Don't take anything I said the wrong way, but please take what I've said and what everyone else has been saying to heart and ask God for direction and understanding more than anything else. I hope I've been helpful and am willing to continue to help if you really want it, so PM me or something if you do. Good luck man!

 

[Disciple_Of_God19]

sorry if my advice got there a little late dude, but still keep in mind what I said for future reference though.

 

[Endure2]

intheflame
well... i have the general understanding that everyone has these kind of problems, i dont have them more than normal people do.
if people try to say that they never get mad and never feel like yelling... well i just dont believe them, its ok to be angry. anger isnt a sin.
i do think i went a little overboard with what i did to sherry, but i apologised and what she did wasnt right either, and we forgave each other and learned from our mistakes, this is how it works.
well never be completely rid of these things.
though yes, i do seek the Lord and ask for his help with this.



disciple-of-God.

man... its just you guys are acting you never get angry, you never just have enough of something, you never do anything you shouldnt have... and man whatever.
i appreciate you giving me advice,
but i dont believe im any diffrent from anyone else.
i do know how to respect women, i am a very nice guy a very repsectful guy... but she made me very angry becuase what she did was wrong and she had her part in it too becuase i was trying to do all i could do and she wasnt being real with me... she was just leaving me out to dry. im sorry if you dont really know exactly what was going on.
and when these things happen, normal people get angry, and sometimes they do things they shouldnt do.

you guys are acting like REAL marraiges never have arugments, in real marriages no one ever yells, in real marriages no one ever feels hurt, in real marriages no one does anything they shouldnt, in real marraiges no one ever gets mad without good reason...

and thats simpy so not true! and from watching my happily married parents who have a great marriage and who have been married for like 30 sumthing years where as most marriages dont last at all.... ive learned marriage aint always going to be pretty. this whole nicey nicey thing just isnt real.

and if that isnt how real marriages work, me getting mad at sherry becuase i felt like she was toying with me and using me, and me doing something ive never done to her ever before and never desire to do again.... DOESNT MAKE ME A PSYCHO... it doesnt even make me diffrent than you guys.

i know plenty of people who are married, or in relationships, and they dont have this nicey nicey nice never get mad thing that you guys are acting like im suppose to have!
its nonsense.

 

[briareos]

This post was dead along time ago, but I was endure2 and let me tell you, time does alot!

I am happily married with 2 beautiful baby girls and "Sherry" the girl in OP isn't a part of my life anymore. It's amazing to realise how I use to think and act, I was so young and immature but life went on and it all worked out and none of that stuff even mattered but it's so hard to see that during the moment.

If anyone else is struggling with youthful love and romance and relationships give it time in 7 to 10 years you'll probly look back and laugh and be amazed at little this stuff really mattered in the end.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Amazing how things seem so dire at the time, but when we have a few years to look back on it, we realize it wasn't the end of the world and that there are other fish in the sea.

Good lesson to learn.

 

[briareos]

mmhmm.